Midnight Pals: Fan fic (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have excellent newsss
Allison Bailey: yes! yes!
Julie Bindel: yes! tell us more dark lord
Helen Joyce: yes tell us!
Rowling: excellent...
Rowling: harry potter related news!
Bailey:
Bindel:
Joyce: YES!! YES!!!!

Rowling: they're making a new harry potter ssseriessss
Rowling: you might think that i've sssaid everything that needsss to be sssaid about harry potter
Rowling: well you'd be wrong!
Rowling: people are hungry for more about the boy wizard!
Joyce: ravenously hungry!!
Joyce: god yes please more harry potter!
Joyce: GOD i'm so hot for more harry potter content
Joyce: i need it in my body now!!!

Rowling:
Joyce:
Rowling:
Joyce: i mean um
Joyce: [mopping brow] boy is it hot in here or what?
Joyce: [mopping sternum] is anyone else hot?
Rowling:
Rowling: anyway

Allison Bailey: [spaghetti falls out of briefcase]
Bailey: oh god oh god everyone's looking at me
Bailey: if only there was some kind of diversion
Helen Joyce: [harry potter erotic fanfiction falls out of sleeve]
Bailey: ah yes this will do nicely

Rowling:
Joyce:
Rowling:
Joyce:
Joyce: i can explain this
Joyce: it's not at all weird when i read this in public!

Joyce: look, sure, maybe i was reading underage noncon harry potter erotic fan fiction in public
Joyce: but is that REALLY any worse than trans people existing in public?
Joyce: think about it

Joyce: now i know that it looks like i was reading erotic harry potter fanfiction
Joyce: BUT
Joyce: actually
Joyce: clearly this is a trans plot to discredit me
Joyce: by putting that harry potter erotic fanfiction in my sleeve
Joyce: you know to make it LOOK like i'm really into hot hot draco/hermione underage noncon action
Joyce: which, to be clear
Joyce: i am not

Joyce: you gotta believe me!
Rowling: of courssse i believe you
Joyce: you do?
Rowling: itsss really the only logical explanation
Rowling: it mussst be thosse wily transss
Rowling: how do they do it???
Rowling: alwaysss two sstepsss ahead

Helen Joyce: [reading erotic harry potter fan fic and shaking her head the whole time so the people on the train knows she disagrees with it]

Kathleen Stock: oh yeah um by the way
Stock: all that erotic bluberrification fanfiction that you saw me reading
Stock: that was also a trans plot
Bailey: oh! oh! yeah! and that spaghetti? that was the trans again
Rowling: they've got usss ssssurrounded!!