Midnight Pals: House (Patreon)

Paul Jessup: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the glass house
Jessup: and this house?
Jessup: let me tell you
Jessup: it is
Jessup: so hot
Jessup: you will want to fuck this house
King:
King: uh
Barker: shut up steve let's see where this goes

Shirley Jackson: [mumbles]
Mary Shelley: shirley has a question about this house
Jessup: yeah?
Jackson: [mumbles]
Shelley: she wants to know how the bricks meet there
Jessup: firmly
Jessup: they meet firmly

Shelley: zat right? what about the floor?
Jessup: the floor is neat
Jackson: [mumbling more excitedly]
Shelley: yeah yeah i'll ask
Shelley: what about the doors?
Jessup: all sensibly shut

Jessup: this family is moving into a house
Jessup: and, boy, this house is just perfect for them
Jessup: just so perfect for them
Jessup: so hot and horny for them
Jessup: just wanna walk through your tight wet doorways, house
Jessup: local slut houses are waiting for you

Jessup: oh! house! shh, i have a secret
Jessup: time for some home repair
Jessup: oh no it looks like you got a leak
Jessup: oh no it's getting everything allllll wet
Jessup: tee hee hee
King: um
King: are you talking to the house
Barker: shut UP steve let's see where this goes

Jessup: so this family moves into this sexy house
Jessup: but who's more messed up? the family or the house?
Jessup: the dad previously made a documentary where he buried his daughter alive in a coffin
Jessup: which, you know
Jessup: kinda fucked up
Shelley: i could take it
Jessup: yeah well we're not all you, mary

Shelley: i could be buried in a coffin, no problem
Shelley: it'd be fun, i'd enjoy it
Shelley: i'll do it right now if any of you fuckers have a coffin around
Poe: can we please not talk about this
Shelley: why not edgar? you scared?
Poe: no i just
King: yeah edgar's got this whole thing about being buried alive
Poe: i do not have a thing

Shelley: oh yeah sorry i forgot you were scared of that
Shelley: i forgot you were a big blubbery baby
Shelley: a big blubbery scaredy baby
Poe: look i
Poe: it just makes me uncomfortable
Shelley: aw lookit edgar he don't like being buried alive
Poe: it's a perfectly reasonable thing to dislike!

Shelley: let's do it, i'll do it now
Poe: well no one here has a coffin so
Charles Addams: i have one
Poe:
Poe: why do you have a coffin
Addams: you know, for sleeping in
Poe:
Poe: yeah ok why not
Addams: chicks dig it
Poe: sure fine

Jessup: but get this
Jessup: there's a ghost in the house
Jessup: named
Jessup: mater suspirium
Dario Argento: eyyyy mama mia!!!