Midnight Pals: Jewish Noir (Patreon)

Zachary Rosenberg: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the long shalom
Rosenberg: so it’s the 1920s
Lovecraft: [nodding]
Rosenberg: and there’s a detective
Lovecraft: [nodding]
Rosenberg: the detective is jewish
Lovecraft: [nodding abruptly stops]

Rosenberg: so there’s a jewish detective
Lovecraft: [sweats]
Rosenberg: and the jewish detective is bisexual
Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Rosenberg: the bisexual jewish detective teams up with a Japanese woman
Lovecraft:
Rosenberg: and a black guy
Lovecraft:
Rosenberg: and a trans woman
Lovecraft:

Rosenberg: and the Japanese woman runs a rainbow museum of tolerance and brotherhood for all races
Lovecraft:
Barker: ah ha ha don’t stop now keep going
Barker: howard really wants to hear more about that

Poe: clive don’t be an instigator
Barker: ha ha I’m not even doing anything
Barker: I’m just really into this story
Poe: clive

Rosenberg: so hardboiled jewish detective Moishe Marlowe was in his office
Rosenberg: and in walked danger in the form of a beautiful woman
Rosenberg: she needs help exorcising some Talmudic demons
Rosenberg: so she’s in the market for a gumshoe

Rosenberg: “listen I used to believe in America and the american dream” says hard-boiled jewish detective Moishe Marlowe “then I found out that it’s only so much bupkis and all my ideals crumbled like so much matzoh”

Rosenberg: and the Talmudic demon is all “haha I’m gonna destroy new York”
Rosenberg: and Moishe Marlowe is all “fuck you, nobody steps on a synagogue in my town!”

Rosenberg: “that’s right, schmuck, Moishe Marlowe might just be a two-bit schmendrick private dick but he’s 100% new york!”
Rosenberg: “this Empire Stater eats novelty statues of liberty souvenirs and shits sewer alligators!”
Rosenberg: “there’s dirty hot dog water in these veins!”

John Baltisberger: watch it rosenberg
Rosenberg: baltisberger!
Rosenberg: what are you doing here
Rosenberg: selling tickets to the police mans ball?
Baltisberger: just stopping in with a friendly piece of advice, rosenberg
Baltisberger: don't stick your nose in police business!