Midnight Pals: Lifestyles of the Dog and Famous (Patreon)

Poe: it’s awful nice of dean Koontz to invite us over for a picnic, eh, guys?
Dario Argento: I hope he made lots of spaghetti!!!
[approaching luxurious manor house, entrance flanked by 2 stone golden retrievers]

Dean Koontz: [wearing smoking jacket and holding pipe] oh hello! I didn’t see you there
Koontz: I’m dean Koontz, welcome to my  temporary 12,000-square-foot home
Koontz: I call it “koontzland”
Koontz: c’mon in! let me show you around
Koontz: [blow bubbles on pipe]

Koontz: this where I removed the indoor pool to install a dog park
Koontz: this where I removed a library to install a dog park
Koontz: this where I removed a candy room to install a dog park
Koontz: and this is where I removed a 4 foot fence to install another dog park

Koontz: this is just my temporary house, my main one is being renovated
Koontz: I’m going to have it made into the shape of a giant fire hydrant
Koontz: to celebrate my love of dogs!!
Koontz: you guys, I just love dogs so much

Koontz: this is my dogetarium
Koontz: it’s like an aquarium but for dogs
Barker: wow you really like dogs
Koontz: like dogs? I love dogs!!

Koontz: this is my private dog café
Koontz: I’ve got every kind of dog here
Koontz: schnauzers, spitzes, terriers
Koontz: retrievers, hounds, teacups
Barker: that’s a lot of dogs
Koontz: oh you can’t have too many dogs
Barker: that’s clearly too many dogs

Koontz: no expense is too big for my dogs!
Koontz: I have a private French chef working on new pizzle recipes for them
Koontz: and I had all my toilets filled with perrier
Koontz: and my next horror book is going to be written exclusively for the dog audience
Koontz: it’s about a vacuum cleaner that’s really loud

Dean Koontz: I want you guys to all meet the love of my life, Gerda
Gerda Koontz: hi! Hi! Hi!! Oh boy! Visitors!!
Dean Koontz: settle down girl! Ha ha
Gerda Koontz: [licking Koontz’s face] what’d you bring me? What’d you bring me???

Dean Koontz: you know, gerda really started my writing career
Dean Koontz: she said that if I wrote for 5 yrs, she'd support me
Barker: oh really? How’d you support him?
Gerda Koontz: oh you know
Gerda Koontz: herding sheep, pulling sleds, rescuing hikers lost in the alps
Gerda Koontz: just normal stuff