Midnight Pals: Joining the Team (Patreon)

Aleister Crowley: yo Sonia
Crowley: yep yep it’s just me
Crowley: Aleister “The Great Beast” Crowley
Crowley: the most wicked man in the world
Crowley: mountaineer, bon vivant, man about town
Sonia Greene: I’m not interested, aleister
Crowley: I was a spy too!
Crowley: did I mention I was a spy???

Aleister Crowley: that’s right Sonia
Crowley: The Great Beast was also a super daring secret agent spy
Crowley: yup yup, see, coach had a special assignment for me
Crowley: I had to infiltrate McKinley High and TP their founder statue before the big game
Crowley: GO WILDCATS!!!

Crowley: so Sonia how about you and me go to the malt shop sometime
Crowley: and get a malt with two straws?
Sonia Greene: I told you aleister, I’m dating howard now
Crowley: hp lovecraft!? That nerd???
Crowley: what’s he got that I don’t!?!

Greene: he might not look like much now
Greene: but my howard’s got real thick potential
Crowley:
Crowley: what does that mean!?
Greene: [imagining HP Lovecraft drinking malt with both straws]

Crowley: Sonia is STILL dating that nerd LOSERcraft!
Crowley: ooo!!! That makes me so mad!!!
Crowley: makes me wanna pound some nerd!!!
Victor Neuburg: flavin glavin?
Crowley: i-I mean
Crowley: not like that
Crowley: I mean physically
Crowley: I mean with my hands
Crowley: I mean I wanna beat up a nerd!
Crowley: STOP LOOKING AT ME NERD

Crowley: so I hear you wanna join the team?
Raoul Loveday: yes! I’m your biggest fan!
Crowley: yeah I’d like to give you some downfield blocking
Loveday: yes!
Crowley: maybe some end zone action
Loveday: yes!
Crowley: maybe some soccer practice
Crowley: on the football green

Crowley: I’d like to give you a heavy penalty
Betty May: Raoul, he’s talking about fucking
Crowley: what the
Crowley: who’s this?
Raoul Loveday: this is my girlfriend Betty “Tiger Woman” May
Crowley:
Crowley: “Tiger woman?”
Crowley:

Crowley: ok nerd, if you wanna join my team, you gotta put on this big pyramid hat and eat this giant block of hashish
Loveday: wow! Isn’t this great, betty?
May: this sucks
Crowley:
Crowley: dude, your girlfriend is a real buzzkill
Loveday: no no she’s totally into it!
Loveday: right, betty?
May: [rolling eyes]

Crowley: dude, your girlfriend sucks
Crowley: first of all, why’s she got a sobriquet
Crowley: that’s kind of my thing
Crowley: feel like she’s stepping on my toes here, dude
Loveday: yeah but
Crowley: c’mon dude
Crowley: bros before hos

Crowley: ok dude you wanna be part of my team?
Crowley: first you gotta pass this hazing test
Crowley: I want you
Crowley: to kidnap hp LOSERcraft’s cat!
May: pfft. what are you gonna do with it
Crowley:
Crowley: we’ll get to that