Midnight Pals: Magic (Patreon)

Ray Bradbury: and so, at that dusty little carnival on that humid summer night
Bradbury: that little boy saw real magic for the first time
Aleister Crowley: c’mon, that’s not what real magic is
Crowley: real magic is when get a woman to suck your dick so hard you can move objects with your mind
Crowley: GO WILDCATS!

Crowley: helps if you’re wearing a big pyramid hat with an eyeball on it
Crowley: chicks cannot resist the big pyramid hat with the eyeball
Crowley: [nudging Sonia greene] eh? Eh?
Greene: it’s over aleister
Crowley: I don’t get it, leah hirsig went mad with lust in 3 minutes

Victor Neuburg: glavin I really like your pyramid hat aleister
Crowley: S-SHUT UP NERDBURG
Crowley: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH OR I’LL POUND YOU
[later]
Crowley: [blushing, confused] h-he said he liked my pyramid hat <3

Alan Moore: [appearing in a cloud of smoke]
Alan Moore: foolish hedge wizard!! Your powers are nothing compared to the arch magus!
Moore: true magic is when you roll a natural 12 on your dexterity saving throw!
Manly Wade Wellman: No way! Real magic is when you wrap a potato with red yarn and bury it under a widow’s doorstep
Eve Harms: you’re all full of it
Harms: real magic is all about memorizing a really complicated math diagram

Ray Bradbury: you all claim you’re versed in the ways of magic
Bradbury: but can any of you explain away the mystery of what makes a young man’s heart flutter pitter pat when he first calls on his lady friend, her freshly laundered shift dress rippling in the warm autumn breeze, to escort her to the barn dance down at Miller’s General Store?
Moore:
Crowley:
Wellman:
Harms:

Bradbury: also real magic is about electricity
Bradbury: can any of you put a light bulb in your mouth and make it light up?
Crowley: what, like uncle fester?
Bradbury: yeah like uncle fester
Crowley:
Crowley: oh hell, I can’t compete with that

Eve Harms: no but check out this diagram of eight intersecting triangles
Harms: it’s called "the thinkological fulcrum"
Crowley: whats it do
Harms: if you cross your eyes just right, it shows you a biblically accurate angel
Crowley: hmm
Crowley: I could probably fuck that
Crowley: here, show me how it works