Midnight Pals: Substack Attack (Patreon)

Thomas Monteleone: hey everyone you may remember how last year i got really mad about the blacks and the trans
Monteleone: but I've had a year to think about it
Monteleone: and I've decided to start a substack
Poe: oh no
King: oh no
Barker: oh no
Koontz: oh no
Lovecraft:


Monteleone: don't worry, i anticipated your interest in my substack
Monteleone: so I've taken the liberty of subscribing you all to MONTELEONE'S MUMBLINGS
Monteleone: welcome to my twisted world!
Monteleone: you're welcome

Monteleone: i was just thinking that, anytime a non-white person wins an award, they probably don't deserve it
Lovecraft: wow your ideas are intriguing to me and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter
Monteleone: good news!
Monteleone: YOU ALREADY DID!

Monteleone: a bunch of wokescolds got me kicked out of the HWA for being racist and transphobic
Poe: wait, you were being racist and transphobic?
Monteleone:
Monteleone: no wait let me rephrase that
Monteleone: a bunch of wokescolds got me kicked out of the HWA JUST for being racist and transphobic

Monteleone: i just got called racist on substack
Poe: tell us what happened
Monteleone: got called racist on substack
Poe: yeah but why?
Monteleone: i was being racist
Poe: on substack?
Monteleone: yeah it was on substack

Monteleone: now some people were mad when i repeated my statements on a podcast
Monteleone: but, in my defense, i was drunk at the time
Monteleone: c'mon you can sympathize
Monteleone: haven't you ever got drunk and done a thing that you regret?
King: you're still doing the thing though?
Monteleone: oh yeah no i don't regret it

Monteleone: you guys don't seem all that receptive to my viewpoint
Monteleone: here, i'm going to list ALL the minorities who stole awards rightfully deserved by
Monteleone: uhhh
Monteleone: writers of a certain lighter, more deserving hue
Monteleone: that will definitely get you all on my side
Lovecraft: i'm on your side!
Monteleone: glad to see SOMEONE around here has some sense

Monteleone: look, when they gave awards to Thomas Ligotti and Graham Masterson
Monteleone: that was all white and proper
King: you mean right and proper?
Monteleone:
Monteleone: did i stutter?

Monteleone: but they also gave an award to koji Suzuki???
Monteleone: c'mon who's ever heard of THAT guy!
King: he wrote the ring books
Monteleone:
Monteleone: well I'VE never heard of him
Monteleone: and i know of all the white authors

Monteleone: and owl goingback won an award?!
Monteleone: now if you ask me
Monteleone: that name sounds VERY ETHNIC

Monteleone: so they gave an award to linda addison
Monteleone: now she's a nice lady and i consider her a friend
Monteleone: but she doesn't deserve any recognition
Monteleone: and i'm totally not being racist
Monteleone: i literally just said i had a black friend

Lovecraft: ya know, he's got some interesting ideas
Lovecraft: why is it that we see fewer awards won by pure Anglo-Saxon writers?
Lovecraft: and instead they're giving awards to-
King: you've had enough, howard, its time for bed
Lovecraft: i'm just asking questions!

Lovecraft: he's right tho!
Lovecraft: good Anglo-Saxon writers are being ignored in favor of Saracens and Italians?
Lovecraft: why, when i heard they gave an award to William Stanley Braithwaite--
Monteleone: see? this guy gets it

Lovecraft: Braithwaite didn't deserve that award
Monteleone: right on!
Barker: you sure you really want to die on this hill, thom
Monteleone: he's just tellin' it like it is!
Lovecraft: excuse me, let me finish
Barker: oh yeah thom you're DEFINITELY going to want to hear what comes next