Midnight Pals: Tragic Romance (Patreon)

King: gosh joanne sure has been trending a while on twitter
King: like, for almost a week straight
Poe: oo
Poe: er
Poe: that's
King: yeah that's not good
Poe: that's very bad
Poe: i don't think it's healthy
Poe: it does things to you

Vladimir Nabokov: ok i got a story
Nabokov: but i'm only gonna tell it if you all promise not to be mad at me
Poe: we promise
Nabokov: you promise?
Nabokov: you all have to say it
Poe: we all promise
King: sure we promise
Barker: promise
Nabokov: swear i

Vladimir Nabokov: ok this is the story of the guy who raised his own child bride
Piers Anthony: why would you say something so controversial and yet so brave

King: wow jeez um
Nabokov: but before you all get mad at me
Nabokov: keep in mind that the narrator is unreliable
King: i dunno this really seems kinda...
Nabokov: unreliable, goddamnit! unreliable!

King: wow this story seems pretty out there
King: and you endorse this kind of thing?
Nabokov: unreliable, dammit! i said unreliable!
King: cuz i don't think we can approve of this
Nabokov: oh my GOD

Nabokov: you had a baby clown gangbang
King: WHOA now you're taking that scene WAY out of context vladimir and you know it

Nabokov: you all can't understand this! this is REAL literature
JK Rowling: exactly
Nabokov: see? she gets it
Rowling: a beautifully tragic love ssstory
Nabokov: yes a bea
Nabokov:
Nabokov: what

Rowling: yeah i thought it was a wonderful love ssstory
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Rowling: why are you looking at me like that?
Rowling: iss it becausse you hate women?

Rowling: i know i know, you're all thinking
Rowling: a romance between a middle aged man and a child??
Rowling: but don't worry!
Rowling: they're both their assssigned at birth genderss
Rowling: sso it'ss all ok

Rowling: humbert humbert ssufferss greatly in the purssuit of romance sso when lolita sstartss looking elssewhere for attention, humbert will carry her off on a desperate cross-country misadventure all in the name of love
Rowling: in National Lampoon's Cross State Line Vacation

VC Andrews: i don't think that's much of a romance
Rowling: oh yeah??? well what would YOU know?
Andrews: funny you should ask
Andrews: i do have some ideas about that

VC Andrews: [singing] i have a secret recipe
Andrews: concocted with much skill
Andrews: and once you've tried my special dish
Andrews: you'll
Andrews: never
Andrews: get
Andrews: your
Andrews: filllll
Andrews: TAKEEEEEE
Andrews: ten terrific blood relatives...

Rowling: tell them, vladmir, it's a romance right?
Nabokov: no it's about how i heard these scientists taught an ape to draw
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling:

Nabokov: ironically the ape only drew the bars of its prison
Nabokov: makes you think
Poe: i have no sympathy
Poe: that ape can rot for all i care
Barker: yeah edgar has strong feelings about apes
Poe: ROT, i say