Midnight Pals: Manifessstosss (Patreon)

Stephen King: hey guys aren't you all excited for the next cormoran strike novel?
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: boy, i sure hope robin and cormoran finally act on the repressed feelings Joanne has hinted at for the previous 7 books!
King: i feel like they're due

Poe: just out of curiosity steve
Poe: what exactly do you like about those books so much
King: well, for starters, they're very very long!
King: i dunno, i just find that relatable

JK Rowling: hello children
Stephen King: joanne!
King: when is your next cormoran strike book coming out?!
King: i'm on the edge of my seat!
Rowling: sssorry ssteve i've got sssome internet beefss that take priority

Rowling: i don't really write booksss anymore
King: but joanne! i need closure on the cormoran/robin supercouple storyline!
Barker: oh my god steve stop it you're embarrassing yourself
Barker: it's fucking cormorant shrike
Barker: have some dignity

Rowling: IT'SS CORMORAN SHRIKE
Rowling: YOU'RE SSSAYING IT WRONG ON PURPOSSSE, I KNOW YOU ARE
Rowling: well jussst you wait, you'll get yoursss
Rowling: your kind is on my lissst
Barker: "my kind?"
Rowling: yeah i'll get to you eventually
Rowling: probably by book 18 or so

Rowling: sssee, in every cormoran sssstrike book, i take aim at a different enemy of the people
Rowling: the sssilk worm took on the transss
Rowling: the ink black heart sshowed those autisticss a thing or two
Rowling: and the running grave finally ended hippiesss!!

Rowling: expect book 8 to fatally sskewer the BIGGESST threat to englissh purity yet!
Lovecraft: italians?
Rowling:
Rowling: no
Rowling: acctually
Rowling: actually yess tell me more about the italianss howard
Rowling: they are kinda ssusss if you think about it

Rowling: but no it's not italianss!
Barker: is it fat people?
Rowling:
Rowling: they're ALL about fat people
Barker: oh i see why steve likes these books so much
King: well gosh darn it it's just unhealthy ya know?

Rowling: look i'll get around to writing that book eventually
Rowling: but lately i've been really busssy writing up these leaflets that ssay "if you want a [transphobic slur] for a neighbor, vote liberal or labor" for kids to pass out before the north birmingham by-election

Rowling: cuz you know labor'sss worked really hard to court me by becoming transsphobic
Rowling: but i mean are they really transssphobic enough?
Rowling: i posssit - they are not