Midnight Pals: The First Omen (Patreon)

Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen
Stevenson: things about to get real catholic here
William Peter Blatty: yes.. ha ha YES!!
Stevenson: and even more italian
Lovecraft: Lovecraft: oh uh i don't like that

Stevenson: it's about a moribund religious institution forcing a woman to carry a baby against her will set against the political violence of the years of lead
Alex Garland: why you hafta get all political
Garland: why can't people just make nice films anymore

Stevenson: see the thing about my film is
Stevenson: it engages with the moment
Garland: oh but i prefer a film that doesn't engage with the moment
Garland: hey has anyone here seen adam sandler's you don't mess with the zohan? what a tour de force!! [chef's kiss]

Stevenson: so this american woman goes to rome to become a nun
Stevenson: but what she doesn't realize
Stevenson: is how incredibly italian everything will be
Stevenson: and also its the 70s, which is statistically speaking, the MOST italian time period

Stevenson: like things are SO italian
Lovecraft: [sweats] they can't be THAT italian, right? i mean, it's just
Lovecraft: just a little bit italian right??
Lovecraft: right???
 Stevenson: it's smoking nuns level italian
Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Stevenson: but even better, so catholic
William Peter Blatty: yes, yes, i like it!
Stevenson: there's gonna be this one irish priest-
Blatty: that's me
Blatty: that guy is me
Stevenson: and his accent is SO thick
Blatty: that's my OC now

Stevenson: you know what the omen really needed, though?
Stevenson: hot hot devil sex
Barker: that is true
Barker: the omen DID have a severe lack of devil sex
Barker: i noticed that when i watched it, kind of a glaring oversight actually

Stevenson: well, don't worry
Stevenson: we rectify that in this version
Stevenson: we're gonna flash the devil's dick
Blatty: whoa you can't flash the devil's dick!
Barker: yeah, that's right, you really need to linger
Barker: we all want a good look at that

Barker: like, how are we supposed to see anything when you flash it so fast?
Frank Belknap Long: oh it's nothing special, it's just a bad dragon model 57a Willowtongue ® the Ent, 2017 Alt-Porn award winner
Barker:

Stevenson: now we are retconning a few things about the omen
Stevenson: for example, this time damien has a mom
Stevenson: instead of being birthed by a dog
Barker: oh but that was dean's favorite part
Dean Koontz: i wish my mom was a dog :(
Barker: kid just really loves dogs