A Simple Life: Chapter 64 (Patreon)

The orgy commences and after a few moments to get over the shock of the scene the remaining members of the Mayhems are able to sneak past to delve deeper into the goblin’s cavern.  There are traps and puzzles and fights along the way but thanks to the wizard’s cleverness, the hunter’s deadly precision with a bow and tactical nous and the holy brute’s devastating combat ability they eventually find their way to the heart of the lair.  Just in time they are reunited with their healer and scoundrel, who had left ten very happy and very exhausted goblins behind them, and all together they charge through into the chieftain’s throne room.

They skitter to stop when they notice the one thing they hadn’t been expecting.  No goblins.  The vast cavern had a cracking cooking fire, bed piles aplenty, rudimentary tables and chairs, and even a throne at the far end made from bound together horns and tusks.  On the tables meals lay half eaten and the water from a tipped over vessel still dripped from the edge of the table upon which it was spilled.  The only signs of life that could be seen were a few blooms of cavern fungus that grew around the edges and the lone figure behind the crude throne.

A human man matching the description of the noble’s son hung dangling from a chain that was attached to the ceiling.  His wrists were bound by a rope which was hooked onto the iron meat hook at the end of the chain.  He hung there naked, in front of him laid out on a rough stone table were the tools of an abattoir.  A saw, two carving knives, a cleaver and a sharpening steel sat in a line, all caked with gore but still looking plenty sharp enough for butcher.  Below the suspended human was a great basin clearly placed there to catch blood.  All five members of the Mayhems breath a sigh of relief when the battered man groans through his cloth gag and looks up to his prospective saviors.

“He’s alive!”  Hoppy claps and bounces excitedly.

“And he’s cute.”  Grins the demon as he looks up and down the young man’s powerfully built body.

“And naked!”  Hoppy licks her plump lips.

“And rich.”  Horny’s tail begins to wag.

“I call dibs!”

“Hey!”  Protests Horny.

“Wait.  Something’s not right here.”  Raevis says in a low tone as his keen gaze sweeps back and forth across the cave.  “Where did they go?”

“Run away.”  Grunts the ogre-troll.  “Want no piece of Scourge.”

“But run away where?  This is the only exit.”

“Who cares.  I’m just glad they’re not here.”  The healer says with beaming optimism as she strides fearlessly forward.  “Hold on there noble boy.  Bunbun’s comin!”

“Hoppy wait!”  Raevis rushes to her and gets to her a step too late.  The net trap is sprung and the very next instant both the werebunny and elf are scooped up in a great bundle to sway from the roof like a pendulum.

The other three rush in to help and as they look up it becomes clear where the inhabitants had gone.  Lost in the flickering shadows of the central fire were three recesses high up on the walls.  As Hoppy screams and Raevis scrambles to draw a sword to saw at the ropes that held them the chamber echoes with the cruel laughs of the waiting goblin mob.

Boom!

A heavy wooden wall of lashed together logs crashes down behind them, covering the only escape.

Back to back to back Althea, Horny, and Scourge stand ready as the green horde stream down the walls to surround them.  One of them stands out from the rest thanks to its greater height and the ratty feathered robe that it wore.  It is no surprise to any of them when it was this one that went to stand at the throne.  When it raises it’s rattling staff the other goblins fall silent.  It looks at the group with a broken toothed smile.

Unfazed Scourge squares up to it and smiles the mad smile of a zealot  With a flick of each wrist she releases the ball and bladed hook.  Gripping the chains she begins to swing each in slow circles.  “Scourge bouta kick some…”

The goblin chieftain cackles and rattles its staff and says something in an unfamiliar tongue.

“…bouta…bout…a…”  The paladin-rager’s voice fades and her arms suddenly slump, her heavy weapons clanking to the floor.

“What are ya doing?”  Prods Horny.  “Kill it!”

Slowly Scourge’s huge mohawked head turns to look at the incubus, her eyes shimmering with a magical energy.  She blinks and her muscles tense again.  Once more with spirit Scourge says.  “Scourge bouta kick some evil ass!”

“Scourge?”  Horny peeps.  A moment later the bludgeoning end of the berserker’s chain comes swinging down, missing by a scant inch, to smash into the earth with a thunderous thud.  The scoundrel springs away but his friend remains after him in hot pursuit.  “Kill him you idiot!”  Horny wails, pointing to the chieftain.  “NOT ME!”

Tiny and trembling the elven mage Althea is left by herself beside the fire, goblins on all sides.  In a panic she sends away her raven, which launches from her shoulder to fly up and aid Raevis in his escape.  Now she was truly alone.

***

“GAH!”  Cries Riley.  “Do something Avery!”

“Um…umm…”

“Can’t I cut the ropes faster?”  Cain gripes in frustration.

“With Touka’s help I’ll halve the time.”  Winona says with infuriating calm.  Couldn’t she see what she was doing to us out here!?

“Stop chasing me you big meanie!”  Kayla pushes Briar’s shoulder.  “I’m not evil!”

“I think you’re the chieftain.”  Briar says as she pours through a book.  “Grr!  I knew I shouldn’t have dumped Mental-Passive.”

Standing near the fringes is Brayden as caught up in our dilemma as we were.  “Y’all are fucked.”

“Thanks Brayden.”  Kayla says sarcastically.  “Real helpful.”

He shrugs.  “Just sayin.”

“Althea, it’s your turn.”  Winona reminds me.  “What are you doing?”

“Come on Avery!”

“Save us!”

“Save yourself.”

“Use the fire.”

“No, get us out of the net.”

“No, help me first bestie.”

“Avery…!”

Winona raises her hands for quiet and says again in a smooth, even tone.  “It’s your turn Althea.  What would you like to do?”

“Um…um…I-I-I…”  I flip back and forth between my character sheets, my eyes searching frantically for something I could do against my foe.  Everyone was looking at me, counting on me to save the mission, relying on me to make sure all of our hard work wasn’t wasted, depending on me not to make this whole fun night we were having a disaster.  It all rested on me.  My breath gets faster and shallower as my panicking mind whirls.  What am I supposed to do!?  I don’t know what to do!?  I’m screwing everything up!  I hide my cold, clammy, trembling hands under the table and clutch them tightly together.  “Um…um…I-I-I…um…um…”

Just then I feel another warm hand lay softly over my own.  By the way she was leaning toward me I knew it was Winona.  She looks into my eyes and squeezes my hands.  “It’s just a game.”  She whispers.

I swallow and nod as all of the pressure drains away.  After a deep breath I look over my sheets again and think.

“Althea…!”

“Hold on.”  Winona cuts off Riley.  “It’s her turn.  Give her a chance.”

I swallow hard again and sit up straight.  Around me the others lean in, staring at me and waiting on tenderhooks for the next words out of my mouth.

I look once more to Winona for courage then in a tiny, wavering voice I say.  “I c-c-cast…N-Nature’s B-Bounty.”

A ripple of disapproval goes through the room.  “Nature’s Bounty!?  Why would you cast…?”

“Shh.”  Winona shushes them.  Pulling her hand away from mine she says.  “Alright, let’s roll some dice.”

***

There is a fearful murmur through the goblins as the slight blond elf casts a magical spell.  But when nothing happens they all begin howling and cackling all over again.  Her magic fizzled Althea lowers her hands and looks around at the advancing horde with terror in her wide azure eyes.

“GLRK!”  Horny chokes as Scourge had caught him by the neck.  In one hand the gigantic warrior lifts the writhing, kicking Incubus high over head and begins to squeeze the life out of him.  “Scourrrge!”  Horny pleads but in the ogre-troll’s orange eyes he sees nothing but the savage glee of a true believer vanquishing its enemy.  “Al…the…aaa…”

Above the raven and hunter peck and saw at the thick ropes, making headway but not quickly enough.  In the net as well the healer wriggles and cries out to Lepus for salvation.

Unnoticed by everyone however was the effect of the nature mage’s magic, which had very much NOT fizzled.  All of the toadstools that were growing along the walls in the area behind the thrown had begun to swell and grow.  Like dozens of long pale brown phallus’s the mushroom grew and grew and grew.  So much so that the dangling captive’s feet had found purchase upon them.

The chieftain laughs in triumph as he readies the command that would see the stunningly beautiful elf maiden captured as his personal pleasure slave and the others put to the sword.  The laugh ends in a wet, wheezing gurgle as one of the butcher knives is stabbed from one side of his scrawny neck to the other.  Foul black blood pours down the goblins front as from behind the noble’s son stands tall.

As the chieftain’s life drains away so to does the power of the spell it had cast.  Scourge blinks and shakes her head then instantly releases the incubus just seconds before unconsciousness.  Horny lands with the deftness of a ninja.  Looking up he sees Scourge’s eyes back to normal, and apologetic.  He winks and gives an impish grin as he draws his dagger and turns toward the goblins.  As stunned as they were at their leader’s sudden killing the gathered goblins stand in shock long enough for Raevis to slice the ropes of the net.  Down from above drop Raevis and Hoppy.  Touka swoops down to this perch upon the wizard’s shoulder.  Side by side the Mayhem assemble once more.  The heavy wooden gate no longer trapping them inside with the goblins, but the other way around.  Chaos ensues.

***

After Winona’s long description of the cause and effect that followed my spell accompanied by a series of tense dice rolls there is a long moment of silence…before the whole room erupts in a deafening.  “YEAHHHHH!!!”  Papers, dice, and cupcakes fly as chaos ensues.

Chapter 65