Son for Hire: Chapter 33 (Patreon)

Side by side Kiki and I walk up the driveway of Evelyn and Alan’s palatial home.  At one point Kiki has to stop just to take it all in.

“Wow!”

“You should see the inside.”

“That bitch.”  Kiki mutters.  “I didn’t even know Diane had clients like this.  She was holding out on me.”

“That’s the past.”

“Right!”

Together we move up the sidewalk to the big front door.  It strikes me as we approach that this would be the first time I would be using the doorbell.  Alan would probably not appreciate me just barging in and announcing ‘Mom, I’m home!’.  We give each other one final check.  The pair of us looking as wholesome and squeaky clean as a couple of twenty-somethings from the hood could.  I go to reach for the bell but Kiki stops me.

“Wait.”  She whispers.  “The rings.”  From a little purse she carried she pulls two mismatched gold bands that she’d scrounged from her own collection that she’d been given or stolen over the years.  Anything worth anything had been immediately pawned so what remained were cheap gold plated things but they were convincing enough.  Handing me mine she says.  “Will you marry me?”

“Shut up.”  I snatch it from her hand and plant it onto my left ring finger.  “This is so dumb.”

“You should kneel and give me mine.  It’s tradition.”

“I am NOT kneeling!”

Slipping her own band on she sighs.  “Ohhh.  So romantic.”  She swoons.  “It’s just like I always dreamed it would be.”

“Shut up!”

Our laughter is cut short by the door suddenly opening in front of us!  As one we startle and slowly look up…and up…and up…and into the rugged square-jawed face of Evelyn’s husband.  Jesus Christ he was a unit!  The photos I’d seen of him didn’t convey the sheer bulk of the man and I wonder if he’d been hitting the gym since those pictures had been taken.  Another difference was the impeccably trimmed salt and pepper beard he now sported.  He had on deep brown leather shoes, khaki slacks, a navy blue sweater over a lighter blue collared shirt, and an obviously very old and very expensive watch.  I couldn’t tell if he was on his way to work or if this was just what he wore around the house, but I got a distinct impression by his stern bearing that this was as casual as this guy got.

With a stony expression he looks from me to Kiki and back to me again with eyes the color of storm clouds.  “Why are you two just standing out here giggling?”

I would have stood there stammering had Kiki not shot right back.  “Because we’re nervous!  We were about to ring if you woulda given us a second.  Cheez, you scared us half to death popping out like that!”

He cocks a curious brow at the gentle scolding but says nothing.

“Alan dear.”  I hear that wonderful voice call from within.  “Is that the young couple come to see the suite?”

“Hrm…yeah.”  He grumbles as he takes our measure.  

I am sweating bullets, my mouth bone dry and my life flashing before my eyes, as this giant man looks his wife’s boy toy up and down.  Despite my best effort I end up withering a bit under the hard scrutiny.  The dude had to be pushing six five and looked to weigh as much as my sister and I combined.  Kiki however, all five foot two of her, stands proudly all smiles and bright eyes and bouncing curls when he turns his stoic gaze her way.  Her natural cuteness every bit a match for his gruffness.

“Oh!  Look at that.  Right on time.”  Evelyn says as she approaches.  “Not early, not late.  I told you I had a good feeling about these two.”  Our perfectly timed arrival was not by accident of course.  We had the inside info on some of Alan’s ticks and pet peeves.

“Mmm.”  He hums as he continues to quietly judge us.  “Alright.”  He still wasn’t sure about us but it seems we’d cleared the first hurdle.  “Let me get the key.”  He turns and heads back into the house and reveals my red haired angel in the process.

“Alan.”  Evelyn says as she passes by her husband.  “Where are your manners.  Don’t leave them standing at the door.”  Her eyes meet mine and she takes my breath away.

Evelyn is as radiant as ever.  Her thick voluptuous body filling out her vintage style dress like only she could.  The verdant jade of her apparel not only looked incredible with her long red hair but it also really brought out the green of her hazel eyes.

“Oh my God, she’s gorgeous.”  I hear Kiki whisper to me.  I was far too captivated to respond though.

Evelyn’s eyes smolder as she sees me but she is careful not to give any indication that we knew each other as she greets us in a sunny tone.  “Hello there!”  She waves us in.  “Come in.  It’s so nice to finally meet you two.”  She says.  “Karina and…Donald is it?”  She shoots me a wink and I have to stop myself from giggling.

“Yes Ma’am.”  I blush.

“That’s us.”  Kiki says with a curtsy.  “But please, nobody calls me Karina but my Mom.  You can call me Kit.”

This gives both Evelyn and I pause.  Kit?  This was an unexpected curve ball.  I look over at my sister who just smiles back with a familiar though troubling impish twinkle in her playful eyes.  A new name for this new phase in our life?  Sure, why not.  I just wish she’d warned me first.

“Kit?”  Evelyn clarifies.

“Yep.  Kit or Kitty, either are fine.”  She says.  “I have thing for kittens.  He he he.  They’re so cute and cuddly, don’t you think?  I like cute things.”

Down the hall I catch Alan pause to slowly glance back our way over his shoulder to my sister’s ditsy display.  Oh no!  Was Kiki torpedoing this?  Why was she acting like this?

“Erm.  You know there are no pets allowed.”  Evelyn presses, a hint of nervousness coming out in her voice.

“Oh yes.  Sadly I’m allergic to the little cuties.”  Kiki sighs dramatically.  “Isn’t that right babe?”  She takes my hand and holds it and squeezes tight to my side.  Her head flops onto my shoulder.

“Huh?  Oh.  Yes.”  I bumble at the lie.  “Terrible cat allergy.”

Evelyn gives me a pointed look as if to say WTF?  All I can do is cringe.  Kiki swore to me that she’d be on her best behavior.  I would have taken my sister to the side to talk with her but Alan was already on his way back down the hall with the keys in his hand.

“This is SUCH a nice place.”  Kiki says as she looks around in wide-eyed wonder.  “Wow!  You have incredible taste.”

“You aren’t staying here.”  Alan says bluntly as he waves us back out the door.  “The basement has a separate entrance.”

The four of us step back out to the front of the house then fall in behind Alan as he leads us toward the driveway and the walk that lead around the side of the house beyond.  To my surprise Kiki breaks from me to hurry forward and walk beside him.  There…she begins to natter.

“Nice day, huh?”

“Sure.”

“This whole place is yours?”

He looks down at her with annoyance.  “Yes.  Whose else would it be?”

“Sorry.  Of course.”  She giggles.  “I’m so nervous.  Donny and I really want this place.  We’re so grateful you agreed to show the place to us.”

“Hrm.”

“I’m usually kinda shy.”

“Right.” 

“Ha ha ha!  It’s true!  But I’m so nervous right now, ya know?”

“Mmm.”

“When I’m nervous I start to talk and talk and talk.  Ya know?”

“Wouldn’t know.”

“Yeah.”  She laughs.  “I guess not.  Probably nothin scares a big strong guy like you, huh?”

“Mmm.”

“Yeah.”  She says, bobbing along beside him.  “Everything scares me.  I’m such a wimp.  Ha ha ha!  If you hear a scream one night that’s probably me trying to watch a scary movie.”

“We haven’t agreed yet.”

“Oh right.  Sorry.  He he he.”

“And we expect quiet.  At all hours.”

“Right.”  She nods.  “No screaming.  You won’t hear a peep out of….AAAAHHH!”  She screams.  “You have a pool!  Oh my God!”  Kiki prances forward to look down into the azure waters.  I could practically hear Alan’s teeth grinding as she bends over to splash her hand in the water.

“That isn’t included in the rent!”  He bellows as he marches toward her to shoo her away from his precious pool.

Evelyn and I hang back near the door and watch helplessly as her husband and my ‘wife’ clash.  The pair were a study in contrasts.  Kiki was all outgoing and upbeat while Alan was sullen and stuffy.  My sister wasn’t rude or disrespectful but her burbling exuberance seemed to leave the stiff and controlling Alan a bit flummoxed on how to deal with her.  He was a man accustomed to his lessers groveling and kissing his ass.  The fact he absolutely dwarfed her only made the differences all the more hilarious.

“The rent includes the suite and one parking spot.  That is it.”  He explains as he towers over her like some great ogre about to stamp on a pesky pixie.  “The pool is off limits.”

Deferential but not the least bit intimidated she looks up at him, bouncing on her toes and arms behind her back, and nods.  “Yes Sir.”

“So is the yard.  We expect quiet and we expect privacy.  This isn’t a public park.  We don’t want renters just wandering about.”

“Yes Sir.”  She peeps as her eyes begin to wander as he lays down the law.  “What about the chairs?”

“Chairs?”

“The deck chairs.  Can those be used?”

“What did I just say!?”

“No yard, no pool.”  She bats her big brown eyes.  “You didn’t mention the chairs.  I mean, they’re just chairs.”

“No, you cannot use the chairs.  The chairs are in the yard.”  He snaps.  “You are only to be back here to get to your door and that’s it.”

“You?  Your door?  You as in…me?”  She points at herself, her face beaming with excitement.  “So we’ve got the place!?”  With a huge smile she does a little happy dance right there on the spot.  “Heeeee!  Thank youuuu!”

“What?  I never said…pbbbbt!”  He sputters, at a loss for words.  It had taken Kiki all of five minutes to turn Alan from stern and aloof to utterly exasperated.

She hops up and gives him a little peck to the cheek.  “Oh!  Thank you!  Thank you!  I’m so happyyy!”

“Erm, uhh.”  He bristles and wipes his cheek of her smooch.

Taking his massive meaty hand in hers she tugs at him and points back toward the house.  “Can I see our place now?”

“I think he hates her.”  Evelyn whispers.

“She’s ruined everything.”  I say despondently.  “I am so sorry about this.”

I look over to Evelyn to apologize further for my sister’s weird behavior to find Mom biting her lips to hold back laughter.

Chapter 34