Of Madness and Games - 26 July 2024 (Patreon)

Since it is a very special day, I felt just updating The odds was not special enough.

So...let's give you an introduction of something that may be the introduction of the next chapter of An Impractical Guide to Godhood.

At the risk of surprising a few, no, the majority of the Roman Emperors were not fond of the Olympic Games, barring a few exceptions.

Of course, the Emperors being all different, the antagonism and the reasons behind this hostility varied enormously.

Force is to admit, though, that plenty found it unbearable to have to wait for four years between each travel to the sacred grounds of Olympia.

You have to understand the poor successors of Augustus Caesar, really. When the man in question is wondering each day if he has paid enough his Praetorians to make sure they don’t massacre him while he’s asleep, waiting four years is an eternity.

Then there are those who didn’t like the Olympic Games because they lacked the comfort they were accustomed to. They did have kind of a point, needless to be said. When you are serviced by a hundred slaves and servants, have your private lodge in the Circus Maximus and the Colosseo, and can rest in your delightful palace when you’re tired, the prospect of sleeping under a tent in Greece is underwhelming.

Because yes, if you weren’t a participant in the Olympic Games, you weren’t granted the permission to use all the permanent infrastructure, be they lodging quarters or training facilities.

Some Emperors, rather cleverly, tried to get around this problem by being selected for the different races and the other sports contest.

Naturally, this was then the next hurdle was revealed: they are Judges overseeing the Olympic Games, and they didn’t like cheaters.

Moreover, no matter the period, the largest delegations of the Olympic Games came from the nearby Greek Cities, whether they were or not under Roman domination at the time. The Romans often found themselves outnumbered on the ground.

And yes, threats of mustering a Legion or two were uttered more than a hundred times, but nothing came of it, no matter how loud the post-game arguments between Greeks and Romans rose over the hills.

Everyone had too much to lose; the Greeks wanted their Roman overlords to not provide a credible alternative to the Games organised in the honour of Zeus, and the Roman aristocrats felt it was unconscionable for anything to threaten their supply of statues and other cultural items that were critical to make sure their villas were the most beautiful of the Mediterranean.

Plus there were the Gods into the equation. Whether in their Roman or Greek aspects, the immortals made it very clear that those who believed in them would respect the Olympic truce, or suffer the consequences of their transgressions.

Obviously, this meant both sides had to make unpalatable concessions. The Judges closed their eyes when Emperor Nero won the four chariot races of the Games that he had specifically requested to take place, and the Romans merely grumbled when the Greeks confiscated nine out of the ten laurel crowns presented to the races’ winners in the marble stadiums.

Did this mean cheating remained far limited outside of these chosen examples?

Hardly.

The Judges were very good at their jobs, and able to notice the mortal cheaters. But the Olympians remained completely outside their area of expertise. It went without saying that the Greek Pantheon abused the hell out of it. Many proud male Champions who had egos as big as Apollo were punished by coughs and small diseases on the eve of a competition. The God of the Sun didn’t hesitate to give his blessings to other racers so that they ran thrice faster than they should be able to on their day of glory. Hercules and his father often gave some strength bonuses during the boxing and wrestling events, just to laugh at the stunned expressions of the children of Ares.

One entire delegation from Athens was disqualified because Aphrodite had made sure the ‘loving husbands’ all suddenly decided to have amorous and pleasant nights with their Corinthian mistresses, with the result they all missed the first day of the Olympics. In revenge, Athena made sure several Spartan Demigods were unable to sleep as flights of owls attacked ferociously their tents.

Events like this amused greatly the Roman Emperors, and generally made sure the Games continued, as long the men in purple toga ruled from the Pillars of Hercules to Egypt. Well, that, and the legendary parties organised by the children of Bacchus and Dionysus every time the Olympic Games ended.

It was a poor secret after all that, yes, the Olympic Games lasted ‘only’ three days, but the fourth had the blessings of Zeus to be the day his son the God of Wine ensured the enmities died down and the parties gave Emperors and plebeians something to remember for the rest of their lives.

It must be remarked that yes, most of the time the Olympians participated assiduously in the festivities, and no, unlike the modern Games, there were no preservatives or methods of birth control methods handed on to the athletes and their female supporters.

No wonder that the records never mention how many Demigods and Demigoddesses were ever sired during the Games; and that was when the Games were restricted to Olympia alone every four years; before that, there were the Nemean, Isthmian, and Pythian Games.

Yes, I saw there were questions.

What has it to do with Commodus and our adventures? Oh, nothing at all.

I just wanted to speak of the Olympics and the Roman Emperors, I was sure it would make for a nice monologue. And I may have dropped a few inaccurate things here and there.

But have no fear, oh adoring public. The real Games are about to begin.

Extract of the Mad Musings of a Crazy Demigod, collected by Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena