Page Commentary No. 11 (Patreon)
Content
Psu: It never really struck me as "trying too hard" for a name to work, I think it was how you put it in matter of factly which helped it along. I guess that's a good enough lesson that sometimes all you need is a little bit of confidence to get your point across.
Psu: There's a bunch of visual things to point out in this page. One of them is that you never see Captain Madison in a command chair. I know this script required that she was standing up, with her back to the doorway. But it sort of became a thing for Madison that she stands ready almost all the time. You even see that in the cramped "bomber" that they fly in "The Big Race."
Gunwild: Cupcake is at a bit of an Uhura angle there.
Psu: It's also apparent that she's just waving her hands around on stuff while the CG artists are going to fill in her holo panels later.
Psu: But I think the real thing we should be talking about on this page is the invention of Skript Kitty.
Gunwild: Well, REALLY he was your invention. I just ran with it. Which covers a lot of what we do.
Psu: Usually my inventions come from "I think I can fit something in there..." and I had composed the page in a way that left me with a lot of space on the left of that panel. And I figured it'd be really silly that the warship filled to the brim with drones didn't have some kind of security on board.
Gunwild: Ahh right. Which is a good point, of course.
Gunwild: You just kinda had the idea that this would give the concept of disabling internal security more personality, as I recall. But you can't drop somethin' like that in the setting and not use it more in the future.
Psu: I think I remember that early on, the idea was that Cassiopeia developed her own mini cyber attack suite and was goofy enough to give it a "script kitty" skin but since then Kitty has become entirely his own character. And he even has something of a secret history from his implied familiarity with other characters and that we haven't explained where Cassiopeia encountered such a thing. It's even likely Cassiopeia met Kitty before Zeke!
Gunwild: =3
PAGE 10
(Panel 1: Cassiopeia is leaning over and peeking just slightly through a sliding door in a brightly-lit hallway. I mean, this hallway is so bright that it might be on the J.J. Abrams Enterprise or something. I don't know how she got an automatic door to only slide partway apart, but I don't think the audience will dwell on it any more than they will on the rest of this tech. She is posed more like a kid up to mischief than a S.W.A.T. team member or a sex-crazed space-nympho, which I think we can agree is part of the fun of her character. There's just no self-consciousness there.)
VOICE 1 (through the door): Looks like a negative contact on the Cupbearer-class. They've struck their colors.
(Panel 2: Through the door is the bridge of the ship, meaning that we've got a view of the Captain and behind her is the cracked-open door with Cassiopeia's eye or eyes peeking through. Captain's got her hands on her hips and is giving a command. Her sword, of course, is on her belt. You know what's about to happen to it. You expressed an interest in showing this from Cassiopeia's point of view, and if that's what you decide on I won't argue with you, but let me lay out for you why I think this way would work better. For one thing, it's a callback to the establishing shot we had earlier of the bridge, so we know for sure that this is the same environment. For another the front view of a captain on the bridge being commanding is very Star Trek and not something you expect to see someone sneaking into from behind, up to monkey business. Third, I like the idea of Cassiopeia peeking through a door all fun-like behind the all-business captain, and fourth I'd like there to be at least two panels that really focus on Captain so that her getting the final page isn't out of left field later.)
VOICE 1 (off-panel): They're out of drones and retreating.
CAPTAIN 1: Signal a salute. They fought us for as long as they could, and bravely.
CAPTION 1: Oh, perfect.
(Panel 3: Cassiopeia has hopped through the door and is firing her 'poon from the hip, at the Captain's back. She, of course, looks like she's having fun.)
CAPTION 1: I love these honor-obsessed, dressy captains.
POON SFX: PTUNG!
(Panel 4: The captain is looking down in surprise as the flat of the harpoon's head connects with her sword's scabbard. The scabbard, mind you, not the hilt, so that she can be pulled backwards by the sword without it coming free.)
SWORD SFX: TUNK
CAPTAIN 1: What the--
(Panel 5: Captain is pulled backwards, almost off of her feet. She's stumbling and her seriousness is replaced by a goofy look of surprise.)
CALLY 1: WUAAGH!
CAPTION 1: They're predictable.