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Test Read Whiterock Chapter 6-10, Get a Sticker (Patreon)

Published:
2020-04-10 19:01:56
Imported:
2023-06

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Just as I did last month, here's the next 5 chapters to read. And like before:

If you give me a few sentences of specific feedback (e.g., more than just "I liked it" or "that's cool,") I will draw you a Telegram sticker. Deadline for feedback is April 30th. 

These chapter contain some sexy content that will probably be tame by most furry standards. Again, it's not the focus of this novel but since there's adult characters doing adult things, sexuality is naturally a part of that.

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Comments

Anonymous

Just like with the previous chapters, the author continues to use descriptive language to give the viewer a good idea of what the settings of the story look like. Whiterock is divided into sections that are designated as upper and lower class areas. The lower class area called "Lowtown" has many brothels and is considered the "rough" part of Whiterock. This is pretty interesting because it shows that not everything is pure and wholesome in this world of sapient birds. Bird-kind also likes to engage in acts of debauchery that is not dissimilar to their human predecessors. The "Hightown" section of Whiterock is where the grace and beauty, as well as respected citizens of the city are located, and is where the main characters are staying with the magpie Penelope (who definitely still has the hots for Kor). Chapter 7 is a brief but important chapter, as it sets up that there is definitely about to be some major conflict that will happen in the story. Otherwise, this chapter also gives us a loving exchange of affection between the Stellar's sea eagles Vouli and Tulivor. The author is very good at writing romance, as throughout the chapter, we get a strong feeling of just how much these two love and care for each other. A moment of genuine love between two characters (which we see again a little while later.) Chapter 8 gives the story a little more drama, as one of the main characters learns that a close member of their family has died. Tragedy in the story has occured in the past, but this moment shows us how characters deal with loss of those they were close to in the present. It also shows us that our group of heroes care for one another and keep each other's well-being in mind. In order to find the troublesome, low-life, "worthless bag of fish fodder," bird Perry, the two main characters have been assigned to make contact with, our heroes take a trip into Lowtown to visit one of the brothels in the hopes of finding him there. Chapter 10 is a very colorful chapter, as there is plenty of dancing, drinking, partying, and also a band playing lively music inside the brothel. This is clearly a place for someone to go to if they want to have "a good time." One of our main characters experiences the magic of the place and is entranced by the experience. Although the brothel is crowded, one of the main characters manages to slip through the sea of birds and talks to a lady snowy owl who works at the establishment. There is some brief erotic dialogue and scenes that occur here that were probably pretty fun for the author to write (and also fun to read!) In order to meet up with Perry and avoid any suspicious eyes, the group is told to create a distraction (by showing some underfluffies!) that causes a large crowd of birds to gather and cheer on the group while they stir up a ruckus. The girls expose a brief glimpse of their "special bits" to the crowd, which causes them to erupt in applause and hurl many coins their way, allowing the group to quietly sneak away during the chaos. However, in all the displays of lust that this chapter shows, we do see some genuine love shared between the two main male characters, which is even pointed out later as something that is hard to find in this world. This is pretty sweet, as the two are very close and have bonded well after all the time they have spent together. The section of chapters ends with our main characters about to meet with Perry. It will be interesting to see what happens with him, given that it's been quite a hassle for the group to reach him. Overall, chapters 6-10 were an enjoyable read as they continue to expand the story, gave us more cute interactions between characters, introducing plot elements that will no doubt be major events going forward, and keeping the reader invested in what's going to happen next. The only suggestion I might have for any change are to combine chapters 9 and 10 together, as ch. 9 is another very short chapter that immediately proceeds the events of ch. 10. There were also a few more grammar errors on a few pages that a little proofreading would have no trouble fixing. Some things I noticed (and put the corrections in parenthesis) were, "The curtains parted and (a) well groomed magpie strolled out to meet them." (pg 60.) "The snowy (owl) extended her wingtip..." (pg 90.) "The snowy owl finished his (her) sentence,..." (pg 91.) "As they slowly stood and lowered their tails again the crowd kept cheered (cheering) and tossed more coins." (pg 98.) "She dropped the coins in (and) put the rest in a bentwood cedar box." (pg 100.) I look forward to reading what comes next!

moisteaglevent
>>35572238

This is a really cool bunch of feedback and some good quotes for advertising/cover. Thank you so much for putting a lot of effort into it. I'll look at combining those chapters and fixing those errors. You will find, too, that the mentioned family loss is also connected to other mysteries in the particular character's backstory, a history that connects many of the characters more than they know at this point in the novel. I'm very pleased that you were moved by the moment with Vouli and Tulivor. After writing the first manuscript, Vouli was hardly seen until the end and so her character was flat and her actions unconvincing. I decided to showcase her more and I'm really glad I did. I hate what she stands for but I also hope she comes across as attractive at the same time. I think she fleshed out to be a convincing character. And I'm glad that you liked the brothel scenes. Please let me know if you think it's too over-the-top for a mixed adult audience (e.g., not everyone will be furries).

Anonymous
>>35572238

I think it's nothing too over-the-top, although I could see it possibly raising a few eyebrows for non-furries. Perhaps references to the birds' vents and anatomy could be slightly more subtle