Hi Seven, it's Seven again. [Journal Entry #1] (Patreon)

I'm sitting in my dressing room in Heavenly Isles studio. Soft Violence is next and I usually ask myself how I feel about these things. It helps ground me, I guess.

There's always so much going on that I don't know what I'm feeling half the time. Avina tells me that having that kind of awareness is already a step in the right direction. I find it to be a waste of time. My brain should be working with me, not against me. Whatever.

How do I feel? Nervous? Excited? The usual standard pre-show butterflies. I have confidence we'll get picked for tour but there's always that tiny doubt. Once again, brain is my enemy but I sort of like that doubt. It's sorta satisfying proving myself wrong.

I know I'm not special and there isn't some higher power choosing me to take it but I do feel like this tour was made for me. It doesn't seem right if soft violence doesn't get picked.

Did I think I'd be here when I first joined SV? No. Even though I was determined to...determined to make it with SOFT VIOLENCE I always wondered if the universe was trying to tell me something back when I left my last band.

Maybe I wasn't meant to be a musician...sometimes loving osmething (something) doesn't mean you should pursue it. maybe seven duckstein is who ill ever be. [Crossed Out: my mom always did think lawless was a terrible stag(e) name]

I mean that's what I thought for a while. My stubbornness and spite singlehandedly brought me here. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing...

I don't want my life to revolve around that night, the party or the vote. I don't want my success to be because of that. I don't think feeling that way makes me a bad person but...

I know (other) people are auditioning. I don't know what to expect from this tour. Ryan tells me im overthinking whenever I get in my head but he doesn't know anything. Our manager is busy with so many  bands I think he forgets who I am sometimes. That's alright. I don't need him for much.

I'm talking nonsense now. I don't really know the point of this besides trying to distract myself before we get on stage. Pope and Kieran seem to be in high spirits. Avina likes to pray before a show.

We'll be fine, I think. We'll be alright...