I'm Not A Master, I'm A Director (Patreon)

Chapter 56: Kariya: Tokiomi, This Thing Works Better Than a Wand

In literary works, rooftops have always been a magical place. Despite real-world rooftops mostly being locked and inaccessible to the general public, protagonists in stories always find various ways to reach them. This is because the rooftop of a building in a story often possesses the quality of being an isolated island in the bustling city, maintaining a serene atmosphere.

For creators, this setting provides a stark environmental contrast, serving as a naturally concealed location for protagonists to engage in secretive activities.

As a result, we witness heroic spirits, magus, and even Shirou fighting on rooftops in various stories. Well, maybe not the last one.

On the set of the photography studio, the rooftop set had already been prepared, and the crew members were making final preparations before shooting.

Of course, Shinji wouldn't take the film crew to a real high-rise rooftop for shooting. The wind there would be too strong, and the resulting footage would be terrible.

Kariya, with makeup already applied, stepped down from the makeup car. Despite the removal of the insect inside her body concept, Kariya, with dry hair and a pale face, looked remarkably similar to her appearance in Fate/Zero. She exuded the same kindness that could scare children.

"Shinji, I think you have a misunderstanding of the term 'kind and amiable'," Kariya complained to her nephew. "Or is it that you, a guy without even a high school diploma, can't speak Japanese?"

Shinji, dragging out his singing, responded, "I'm using irony, my dear uncle. Your Japanese is what the P.E. teacher taught."

Kariya, irritated by Shinji's words, rubbed his arms and said, "If you keep speaking with this translation tone, I'll throw Grandpa's collection into your bed!"

However, at this point, Shinji had already walked to the side to discuss shooting angles with the photographer. Kariya's threat went unnoticed, and he was left sulking.

"Tch."

Kariya clicked his tongue, a mischievous smile appearing on his face. "Shinji, just you wait. You'll have a tough time during the shoot later."

Soon, all the preparations of the film crew were ready, and after confirming everything, Shinji immediately announced the start of the shoot.

"Tokiomi!"

In front of the camera, Kariya let out a furious roar, his hoarse voice resembling that of a demon from hell.

"His performance is really good. Is this the skill of a professional actor?" Arturia, standing beside Shinji, sighed lightly, with a hint of envy in her words.

Shinji, on the other hand, sneered disdainfully. "What acting? This guy is just venting all the resentment he has accumulated over the years."

"Is that so?" Arturia, unaware of Kariya's true situation, sounded puzzled.

"My uncle has been displeased with Uncle Tokiomi for a long time, and this time he finally found an opportunity, to vent his emotion" Shinji said, squinting his eyes as he watched the monitor, where Kariya had already entered a state of rage, not knowing what he was thinking.

On the other side, Kariya's performance had reached its climax. His resentment and anger activated his magical power, and numerous flying insects appeared from the shadows, swirling around him.

"Tokiomi! I will definitely not spare you! I'm going to kill you!"

With Kariya's roar, the blade-winged insects adjusted their combat positions, forming a legion, and flew towards Tokiomi.

Facing Kariya on the opposite side, Tokiomi was calm and raised the ruby-encrusted civilized staff, preparing to launch a flamethrower spell against the approaching insects.

"Hmph!"

Kariya revealed a triumphant smile, taking advantage of the opportunity when the insects blocked the line of sight to pull out two pistols from his pocket and directly pulled the triggers at Tokiomi.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Continuous gunfire echoed in the studio.

Kariya, shooting while laughing maniacally, said, "Hahaha, Tokiomi! This thing is much better than your wand!"

However, all of Kariya's bullets missed.

Tokiomi miraculously dodged Kariya's shooting with an unbelievable sideways movement, making all the bullets miss.

Then, Tokiomi rushed to him before Kariya could react and delivered a punch to Kariya's abdomen.

Puff!

Kariya was sent flying and landed on a nearby cushion.

"Impossible... Tokiomi... why..."

Lying on the cushion, Kariya looked at his old rival in disbelief, seemingly unable to believe that his ambush had failed.

"Hmph."

"Tokiomi" snorted and reverted to the appearance of Yan Qing.

"I knew you were going to cause trouble, uncle. It was indeed right to let Yan Qing be the substitute."

Shinji walked over and triumphantly tapped Yan Qing's head with the director's baton.

"Didn't expect that, huh? I anticipated your anticipation."

"Shinji... I'm your Uncle." Kariya said, holding his stomach. "You didn't have to be so ruthless, did you?"

"Oh zip it, this is what you brought upon yourself."

At this moment, the real Tokiomi walked out. He looked at Yan Qing and the two pistols discarded on the ground with a proud yet somewhat disdainful gaze.

Fortunately, Shinji's skills surpassed everyone's expectations, or else he might have embarrassed himself. For Tokiomi, who had elegance engraved in his DNA, this would be more distressing than death. After all, for him, "hair can be cut, blood can be shed, but the hairstyle must not be messed up" was an absolute truth.

"You were the one who picked up the pistol first, okay! How many times have I told you, don't give me any trouble!". Shinji said with frustration. "What if you actually hurt Uncle Tohsaka?"

"Uh-huh."

Shinji's words made Tokiomi nod repeatedly.

[Didn't expect Shinji to have a serious side as well.]

"If someone gets injured, I not only have to pay for medical expenses, but the shooting schedule will also be delayed for a long time! Every extra day on the set costs money!"

[I take back my previous thoughts! Shinji hasn't changed at all!]

Tokiomi felt that after finishing the movie, he should take a long vacation to adjust his state. These Matou family members were all causing trouble.

On the other hand, Shinji picked up the pistol that Kariya had dropped. " Uncle, where did you get this thing?"

Kariya rolled his eyes. "I got it from Kiritsugu. It's loaded with rubber bullets and won't hurt anyone. I just wanted to scare Tokiomi, give him a little surprise."

Shinji's lips twitched. He resisted the urge to aim the gun at Kariya's forehead and said menacingly, "Explain for me, what does 'surprise' mean?! You said my Japanese is bad, but I think yours is what a physical education teacher would teach?!"

Saying that, Shinji tucked the gun into his belt.

"Anyway, I'm confiscating this thing. Uncle, focus on your acting and stop trying to be clever."

Kariya shrugged. "Fine, take it if you want. I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve."

"Huh?"

"I mean, I guarantee I'll act well."

"..."

Shinji's eyelids twitched twice. Kariya's smile, identical to that of the comedian Chen Peisi, gave him a bad feeling.

Soon, the second take began.

"Fate Zero, Scene 271, Act 6— Action!"

The moment the clapperboard struck, Kariya's expression once again turned crazy.

"Tokiomi! Go to hell!"

Kariya extended his hand forward, and a swarm of blade-winged insects flew towards Tokiomi.

"Well... Uncle's acting is truly impeccable."

Being a professional actor, Kariya's performance was extremely natural, and Shinji couldn't find any faults.

But the next moment, Shinji had to stand up from the director's chair once again.

Because when Tokiomi swung the ruby-encrusted civilized staff to use flame magecraft, at that moment, the blade-winged insects started releasing small balls towards him.

Plop! Plop! Plop! Plop!

The moment these small balls touched the flames, they exploded, and the white powder from the explosion scattered into the air, enveloping Tokiomi.

"Cough, cough! What is this... my magecraft... why can't I use it?"

Coughing from the white powder covering his face, Tokiomi waved his sleeves forcefully to dispel the powder.

"Hahaha!"

Kariya laughed heartily once again.

"Tokiomi, this is an automatic fire extinguishing ball! You, who always looks down on technology, bow down to the wisdom of ordinary people! Hahaha!"

"Go meet your ancestors!!"

Shinji jumped up and delivered a golden hook punch to the back of Kariya's head.

"Ouch! Shinji, are you trying to kill me?"

"You unreliable uncle, just die already!"

Facing the chaotic scene of the uncle and nephew, everyone on the film crew tacitly chose to ignore them.

Only Rin still cared about her old man. She took a towel from the resting area and handed it to Tokiomi.

"Father, quickly wipe yourself."

However, Tokiomi seemed not to have heard his daughter's words. He crouched in a corner, using the ruby-encrusted civilized staff to draw circles on the ground.

"I lost... as the head of the Tohsaka family, I actually lost to a mere fire extinguishing ball... just a fire extinguishing ball..."

..."

Rin felt like her smiling face was about to freeze.

"Really, why are the magus in Fuyuki City like this? Is it because of bad Feng Shui? Huh? What are you doing?"

Waver noticed that Kiritsugu beside him was jotting down something in his notebook.

Kiritsugu didn't answer Waver, just muttered to himself while biting the pen.

"To deal with a magus skilled in fire magecraft, this is the way to go..."

[These people are indeed abnormal!]

Waver quickly reached this conclusion in his mind.

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Fortunately, Kariya had some wisdom, and he knew when to put on the brakes before Shinji's patience reached its limit.

Although in the subsequent shooting, Kariya liked to tease Tokiomi with the fire extinguishing ball for no reason, he never caused trouble during the actual filming.

Faced with his neurotic uncle, Shinji could only say, "A man remains a youth until death," with a hint of chuunibyou.

The next shots went smoothly. Taking an additional two days, Shinji completed the scenes of Tokiomi's battle with Kariya and started filming Kiritsugu's battle with Director Kirei.

Since being "taught a lesson" by Shinji in the acting scenes, Kiritsugu appeared much more relaxed during these action scenes. He found a good way to express his disdain – by holding a cigarette in his mouth, giving a cool feeling to his narrowed eyes without affecting his aloof image.

However, according to what Shirou told Shinji, the real reason was that Irisviel had recently restricted the number of cigarettes Kiritsugu could smoke, so his father could only use the excuse of filming to smoke two more cigarettes.

In addition to shooting, Shinji had to juggle various other tasks, such as overseeing the construction of the Einsbern family's film set as a foreman.

In Shinji's vision, the film set would become Japan's "Hengdian World Studio," but with a more modernized set.

In order to have more variety in the film set, Shinji's considerations extended beyond just the location for the FZ movie. However, the scenes required for FZ had a higher priority in terms of construction.