46. Hull - Mouthing Off (Patreon)

Chapter 46

Mouthing Off

Plutar was waiting for me on the boards, arms folded and face smug.

“I thought yoo might run away eenstead of face me,” he laughed. “Eet would have been ze smarter thing to doo.”

He’d have looked so much better with a bloody nose. “I hope you like the taste of my hammer, you peacock, because it’s going to be in your face every single turn.”

He sneered. “Yoo think so, but zat ees because yoo are a stupid child. I will rain ze fires of heaven on yoo. Per’aps zen yoo will stink a leetle less.”

The Dueling Dome went up as the crowd chanted the opening ritual, and the ante cards flew out for all to see.

I scowled up at the sight. It felt deeply unfair that I was putting up an Epic and all he was risking was a Rare, especially when Basil and Esmi had told me that he had a Mythic in his Mind Home. I knew I couldn’t expect Fortune to smile on me every time, but it never felt good when he didn’t. Still, I knew I shouldn’t let my opponent know I was bothered.

“That’s a nice card you’re giving me,” I called over to Plutar as I drew my cards. “Awfully sweet of you.” I got the Sucking Void, but the rest of my opening hand was pure shit for the early game. I mulliganed 3 of my Summons cards, making sure to put the Marauder where I would draw it at the right time. My re-draw netted me a Ghastly Gremlin, my Hammer, and the Root Imp, and my chest eased. I know how to do this.

“Yoo will touch zis card when Fortune abandons zis land and ze sun grows cold,” he scoffed, managing his opening hand and sorting his cards.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to feel the chill,” I said as we both put our opening gambit sources overhead. He played Fire against my Nether, so I went first. “Might want to buy yourself something warm.” I pulled 2 cards – my Talisman and that stupid potion – devoted my source, and went hard.

The Imp thrashed against me as it was summoned, doing its Arrival damage, and I threw the Ghastly at it, which summoned it too.

I needed to strip his hand and whittle him down before he could play his big nasty Spells against me, so even though I ached to smash him in the face – like I’d just told him I would – doing more damage from more sources was the right move.

“Yoo utter trash,” Plutar sighed, devoting his single Fire source.

The fireball grew in his hand and then zipped straight at the Root Imp, which shattered and disappeared before it could reach him. The Gremlin, though, scampered over and raked its claws at him. He scowled and cast a card at it from his hand, letting it glitter away into nothing.

That only blocked 1 of the Gremlin’s damage, though, and he lost a single card from his Mind Home, as well. As the confetti floated down I remembered Basil saying the night before that if I focused in at the moment it was first destroyed I could see what card had been shredded, just like focusing to see the cloud of cards left in the Mind Home, but by the time I’d brought the thought to mind it was too late.

Still, I couldn’t help but grin at the insufferable boy. “I might be trash, but I just drew first blood.”

“Whoo cares about such things?” he said, flipping his long hair back over his shoulder. He was bothered, though, I could tell.

The Gremlin disappeared because of its Expire ability, capering and laughing as it did so: it had finally got to do something instead of being used as a blocker and dying from it. Good work, little buddy. Let’s hope your friends can do more of the same.

“Yoo will pay,” Plutar promised, drawing his cards and putting up a second source. He frowned at his hand. “Eventually.”

I waited, clenched, but he did nothing. I laughed, realizing that he didn’t have anything to respond with. Maybe I should start with the Imp-Gremlin combo more often!

My draws netted me a Nether, which I put up, and a second Ghastly. I considered putting up the Sucking Void, but I thought of what Basil had said in his note: I needed to strip Plutar’s hand as soon as possible to keep him from building up his variety of kill Spells. It was a risk leaving myself unprotected, but I had a Ghastly in hand to absorb a bit of damage if needed. It was time for the Hammer.

It felt solid and reliable in my hand, and I rushed at him, giving a wild yell when I was right up in his face just to watch him flinch. He quailed and threw two cards at me, letting them smash against my Hammer and throw me back.

“Are yoo a barbarienne, zat yoo must scream so?” he huffed. “Zis is a ceevilized match.”

“Aren’t you the one that was saying we’re supposed to be preparing for war?” I said. “I’m just trying to help you out.”

He ignored that as he summoned an Order source and devoted both it and one of his Fire, leaving the other at the ready.

He nodded, tucking the flaming book under one arm and looking grimly satisfied. I was relieved it wasn’t a fireball or something coming for my face, but on the other hand, having that Relic meant that his biggest and baddest Spells could now be cast anytime, not just on his own turn. I need to keep the pressure on.

I’d thought maybe he’d use his Fire source ability to hit me for 1 damage, but he held back, and I realized he was waiting to see if I brought out another Imp or Gremlin. It was the smart move, and I found myself wishing he were a little dumber. I pulled 1 Nether and 1 card from my Mind Home, the new Runic Cloak. My conscience twinged. Basil, why couldn’t you just be a snotty noble? That would make this all so much easier.

I had to think about my options for a moment. Plutar only 1 card in hand and 1 Fire source available. I knew he had some cards that could multiply his Fire source, but if he had that, then that meant he didn’t have that big board sweep that could hurt me too. I wanted to hold off casting my Sucking Void as long as possible if I could… I could summon the Ghastly, but he’d just ping it to death with his source ability. I thought about summoning the Cloak on myself for some much-needed protection, but in my mind I could still see Basil’s excellent suggestion to save it for one of the Marauders. In the end, I settled for focusing both available Nether to summon the Lesser Healing Potion – for a rainy day, I thought sourly

Then I headed in again with my Hammer.

“Stop zat,” Plutar growled as I got close, throwing a card at my Hammer. It shattered but didn’t completely stop the blow.

The other damage from the Hammer thudded home against him, and I squinted at the card shreds as they puffed out. Sure enough, I could see the image of a card there, faint but distinct.

I grinned, mostly because he was scowling.

“I needed zat,” he said. “There is no eleghance in zis bashing wiss ‘ammers.”

“Put your elegance in one hand and your shit in the other and see which stinks more,” I laughed as I recovered my balance.

“Zat makes no sense,” he muttered. “Barbarienne.” Whatever he drew made him nod and smile, but once again he bided his time, letting his turn pass despite having 2 Fire source at the ready. It made me nervous, but any turn where I wasn’t getting singed was one I was grateful for.

I drew another Nether and my third Ghastly Gremlin. Plutar had 2 Fire at the ready and more that would come ready on his next turn. It was time to suit up and play my big cards. I focused 3 of my Nether and devoted 1, summoning my dear, sweet Sucking Void Spell and my Talisman of Spite at the same time.

Plutar’s eyes widened and he went pale as I rushed at him again with my Hammer. He quickly focused his 2 Fire and cast a Spell.

My Hammer cracked into his ribs and did… nothing.

“Damn,” I grunted, falling back disappointed.

“Now yoo will begin to suhffer,” he gloated.

“You literally can’t touch me for 2 more rounds,” I said, shrugging. “Bring it on.”

He clenched his fists. “Yoo will see!” He took 2 from his Mind Home this time, apparently digging for whatever it was he wanted to punish me with. His satisfied cackle gave me pause. Whatever he’d drawn, I wasn’t going to like it. “Zis is where your end begins,” he said.

Then he did nothing.

“...Any time now,” I said to him.

“I know what I am dooing!” he shrilled. “Gutter gargbagze children should hold zer tongues!”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll hold my tongue perfectly still. While I beat you right out of this tournament.”

It was my second turn of invulnerability, and I had 3 cards left in my Mind Home. I could take my usual 1 Nether and 1 card and still get both remaining Summons cards on turn 3 of the Sucking Void before it wiped them out. My heart leapt to see one of my Marauders in hand. This was what I had been waiting for. I devoted 2 Nether and brought out the big boy.

In the bare shred of a moment before I focused my other 2 Nether to cover it with the Runic cloak, I realized that Plutar could try to kill it with whatever he had in hand before the protection landed. He had 3 Fire available, which was plenty for a Greater Fireball or whatever other devilry he’d been chuckling about.

Apparently, though, that wasn’t the play he’d been planning, because the Marauder remained unmolested until the Cloak misted into being around its shoulders.

I was glad he didn’t have 1 more Fire source in play; then he could have simply used his source ability to destroy the Marauder immediately, regardless of what else he had up his sleeve.

“Kill,” I told the demon, who whisper-laughed insanely and bounded away. I followed after him with my Hammer. It was time to do some real damage.

Plutar grimaced to see the Cloak fluttering around the Marauder’s shoulders but didn’t waste any time. He focused 2 Fire and summoned a Spell.

The Hateful Hammer turned soft and gooey in my hand and dribbled away into shards of light, leaving me empty-handed. “Hey!” I yelped, looking to my bare palm in surprise. Plutar laughed snidely, and I felt a flush of anger. I’d known he had that Spell and I’d forgotten. I felt naked without my Hammer. That son of a bitch.

His laughter cut off short as the Marauder got up in his face and started tearing. He’d played a dirty trick on me, but apparently he couldn’t stop my big boy. He cast his single card at the charging demon, but it was nowhere near enough to stop him.

Four more cards shredded out of his Mind Home, and I watched with eagle eyes to make sure I saw them all. Every card gone was a boon, but there was one in particular that I had to make sure didn’t get into his hand.

Then the final card appeared to my eye amongst the shreds, and my hoarse cry of triumph mingled with Plutar’s wail of despair.

I’d gotten the Mythic away from him! If he’d drawn it into hand, he could have used his soul ability to pull it back from discard even if he’d used it to block – but like Esmi had told me after Basil’s match against him the day before, if it went straight to discard from his Mind Home, his ability wouldn’t let him touch it. All right, Hull – if you don’t fumble the back end of this game, you might just win.

Plutar was spitting and cursing in Charbonder words I didn’t understand as the Marauder came back and dealt me its 3 damage in an almost friendly manner. The Sucking Void absorbed it, of course, and the Talisman started to glow. One more turn of safety. I’d better make it count.

He drew 2 more from his Mind Home, desperate for options, and immediately focused 1 Fire, summoning a new Spell.

I chewed on what to do for a split second as the Fireball streaked toward the Soul, who opened its arms as if to welcome the pain. I could use the Cloak to nullify it… but he must have something else to try to kill it, and this only does 2 damage. Let it hit.

The fireball splashed home in the Marauder’s chest, making it howl and caper as it beat at the clinging flames. Plutar immediately devoted his other 2 Fire and sent his Fire source ability to do 2 more damage at it. This I couldn’t let land, or my big boy would die. Time for the Cloak.

No, wait. I don’t even need it. My Lesser Healing Potion still sat unused in one hand, all but forgotten. I’d only ever used it to heal myself to get a card back, but it would heal any of my Souls for 2, which was exactly what I needed. I lobbed it at the demon, and the glass broke against its skin and healed its burns a bare moment before the new Fire damage tore into it, leaving it once again at 2 remaining health.

“Zat piece of shit potion!” Plutar shrieked, tearing at his hair. “Whoo even uses zees things?!”

“Garbage gutter children,” I told him, chuckling. “That’s what I hear.”

His Fire source was all exhausted and he had only 1 card in hand and 3 in his Mind Home. It was time to bring it home. I decided to only pull 1 of my final 2 cards from my Mind Home; from having mulliganed in the proper order, I knew it would be the second Marauder. My Iron Maiden Plate would be destroyed at the end of the turn, but it was less than useless against his Spells, and this way I got to pull and use another Nether. I devoted 2 of my 4 available Nether and brought the bastard out.

I could have summoned both of the Ghastlies, as well, but I thought it would be wise to keep something in hand to block with in case he had one last surprise up his sleeve. Instead, I summoned only 1 of the Ghastlies –

– and used my final Nether in the good old way, sending the source coursing up my arms and filling me with the need to beat the shit out of this pansy asshole. Back to basics. Remember the savage street kid. That’s you.

“All in,” I said to my demons, gesturing at Plutar. “Get ‘im.”

They shrieked and hissed for joy, tearing across the boards at a suddenly determined-looking noble boy. I bounded after them, ready to tear his head from his shoulders. Grasping at his own chest as if pulling deep, Plutar drew forth 4 unsummoned Fire source all at once, compressing them in his hand into an unbelievably bright point of light and then letting them go. A loud boom sounded, and fire streaked across the arena.

What was that? I had no idea what he’d just done, but it was something big. With half an ear I heard the distant commentator babbling something about source explosion. Had Esmi mentioned something about that? I should have listened better.

Meanwhile, though… “Cloak!” I snapped at my wounded Marauder. I didn’t know how much damage this would do, but better safe than sorry against a last-ditch gambit. The Marauder pulled the Runic Cloak up over its face just as a wall of flame enveloped us. I flinched, but whatever it was, it passed right through me. Thank the Twins. My other Souls weren’t so lucky. I saw nothing but sparkles where the fresh Marauder and the Gremlin had been. The Runic Cloak burned away from the one who’d used it, but it was otherwise sound, and it once again surged forward against Plutar.

With a cry, the boy went down under the demon’s claws. I loped up and saw that the deed was done. Plutar was out of cards and had taken damage beyond that. Still, my Nether damage was fated, and I wanted to hit this kid. He’d tried to steal Basil’s girl. And he was an asshole. And he talked funny. Standing astride him, I walloped him across the face. The Dueling Dome wouldn’t let him take any real damage from it, but he whimpered and flinched, and that felt good.

“If you ever bother my friends again, I’ll kill you,” I told him quietly as the Dome came down and the crowd roared. As I stepped back his ante card floated up, and I snatched it.

I’d hoped for better than a Rare this late in the game, but I wasn’t about to turn it down. I had to beef up my deck as much as possible before my next match. I needed something that could get more cards back. That, or something that could counter Relic removal. When Plutar had stripped away my Hammer, I thought I’d lost the game for just a moment. My deck had an unhealthy dependence on Relics. Just because I was one step closer to the top 5 didn’t mean I’d gotten there yet.

My heart clenched. Basil was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs, bouncing with excitement. “Bravo, Hull, masterfully done! You made mincemeat of him!”

I steeled myself and marched right past him. “Not now, Basil. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Even without seeing him I could feel the shock and hurt behind me. “Oh… ah. Very well. Perhaps later, then.”

I strode on, feeling worse than when I’d been stabbed with a dirty knife all those years ago.

The persistent little bastard called after me. “But we really must chat soon. Hull, your next opponent is Lustra! We must make a game plan.”

My stride faltered, but I kept on going. Turning back now would break me. He won’t want to be part of what you’re doing. Keep walking. I’m doing you a favor, Basil.

And then, when I reached the tunnels: Oh shit, I have to fight the vampire.

I’m done for.