back from the dead, and a new song (Patreon)

hello dear patrons, and my apologies for the long absence. 

it's been an intense time lately, but i think i'm finally (hopefully) turning a corner. i've been slowly emerging from what was probably the scariest period of depression in my life, and wow, i cannot tell you how grateful i am to wake up and feel even remotely normal again. to wake up and not be filled with dread and overwhelm at the thought of getting through another day. two days ago i glimpsed a few hours of feeling good, and it's hard to express what an incredible gift it was to remember what that felt like--that life can be beautiful and peaceful and even joyful. i interrupted jesse in the middle of a zoom writing session to tell him the unbelievable news--"i feel good right now"--and immediately broke down in tears of relief and gratitude. i am not fully out of the woods yet, but i am really hopeful i am getting close. to any of you who have dealt with depression, my heart goes out to you on a whole new level, and a note to anyone currently going through it, some reminders--this will not be forever. you are not alone. please please please let someone in. ask for help. you are worthy and loved and i am so very very sorry you are having to endure this right now. 

in other news, the reason i'm temporarily coming out of hiding is to tell you that i released a brand new song with imaginary future last week called "this is love". this one means a whole lot to us and i'm so happy to finally have it out in the world. i've attached the mp3 for you to download, and if you'd like to listen elsewhere, it is, of course, available in all the usual places. (lyrics at the bottom of this post) 

i realize i have dropped the ball on quite a many things--a march online hangout, making the signed photo perk available, scheduling unicorn calls. i promise these have not been forgotten, and as soon as i am back on my feet i will be getting back to all of this. 

a quick thank you to those of you who have reached out to me over the past couple months to check on me. i know i haven't given you much to work with, but know that your messages were deeply appreciated and helped me feel a bit more connected during a very disconnected time.

i'll probably still be quiet for a time while i see to my mental health returning to a stable place, but i am here, and i am okay, and i am sending heaps and heaps of love and gratitude to you all. 

xo

kina

this is love

don't be afraid 

of the shadows that have crept across your face

though you feel it's safe

you'd rather not

rather not

we left it behind

burned those bridges one at a time

it hurt to see them fall

we kept a lot

kept a lot

this is water

this is silence

this is failure

this is trust

this is working out the edges

this is learning

this is love

we dream of growing old

running children in the hallways of our home

we'll wait another year

and say goodnight

say goodnight

this is water

this is silence

this is failure

this is trust

this is working out the edges

this is learning

this is love

and maybe after a lifetime

we'll awake to find that we've been hypnotized

just staring at the ceiling

waiting for our bodies to align

this is water

this is silence

this is failure

this is trust

this is working out the edges

this is learning

this is love