Chapter 12 (Patreon)

[Quest Complete!]

[Go bazoomble em- b-bamboozuh, bam, bamboo... fool 'em!]

[Objective: Become Mirage, an annoying little shit]

[Bonus Objective: Make one of the students blow a gasket]

[Rewards: 1 perk roll, 1 item roll, 5 stat points]

[Bonus Rewards: 1 perk roll, 1 item roll, 5 stat points]

Okay, another quest done, more chances to fail at the damn perk rolls. Damn my luck, RNGesus, why have you forsaken me?

On the bright side, I am comfortably laying on a bed that felt like it was made of clouds from the heavens. The soft white sheets of the mattress a stark reminder of how pure it looked like. The moonlight filtering through the window making the atmosphere within feel serene, like a wave of calm was washing over the entire four-sided room.

On the dim side, my body hurts like it’s been on one of the most intense workout sessions in its entire life. A consequence of trying to tease Yang about her… nightly proclivities… Actually, let’s make a note not to tease women about their private time. Safer for my health that way.

Accessing the perk roll window, I grab the hovering dice that appeared out of thin air before tossing it without a care in the world.

[Rolling]

[53]

[Miscellaneous]

[Uncommon perk gained!]

[Fortune’s Favor - Lady Luck is on your side, or not. Randomness ensues, creating more and more situations to find yourself in, whether it be good, or bad, RNGesus is your man. Don’t worry, though, overcoming the odds grants boons you might not have thought you needed.]

Well, that’s a perk, all right. Still have to question whether it’s uncommon tier or not, but hey, a perk’s a perk. Hopefully, it won’t bite me in the ass so much. Next thing I need is for Salem to come for my ass early because my System said so.

Anyway, next roll.

[Rolling]

[Common perk gained!]

[Basic Reinforcement - You’re a discount Shirou Emiya! Except you can only go as far as well-trained athletes. May induce muscle pains.]

… Bruh… Why is my luck so fucking bad… Oh well, silver-lining, with aura, my strength is multiplied. Plus, if ever something drastic happens this early in my training, at least I have a failsafe to fall back on.

(Damn, you are one unlucky bastard.) A holographic window appeared before me without notice, causing my eyebrows to vanish within my hairline. (How many rolls has it been? And not a single Epic rank perk or item. I guess the title the big boss placed on you is quite literal.)

Well, thank you for the damn compliment. Whose idea was it to make my System RNG based? It was definitely not me… Oh wait, it was your damn boss who thought it would be funny to make my life so fucking hard!

(And I will admit, it is funny to watch.) The holographic screen continued to mock me. Whoever was behind this writing, I will have my vengeance. Non-lethal, of course, can’t have them hating my guts and deciding I wasn’t worth the entertainment. (But painful, nonetheless. Here, have a pity roll.)

[Epic Combat Perk Roll acquired!]

[Epic Combat Perk Roll - Gives the user a minimum of an Epic rank combat perk.]

And now my vengeance has vanished to the wind. Gimme gimme gimme!

(Thank the big boss for this, even he was flabbergasted at how shit your rolls are.) The holographic window was still mocking me for my shitty luck. But who cares, I have an epic rank perk roll now! Let the munchkinry begin! (You’re gonna need it with the perk you rolled earlier.)

… Please don’t foreshadow a hard encounter during my training arc. Please… It hasn’t even reached the canon timeline yet!

The window vanished, leaving behind the sound of chimes as I was left alone in my designated bedroom within the Xiao Long-Rose family house.

Well, no time like the present, time to roll and hope for the best.

[Rolling]

[48 changed to 86]

[Gathering changed to Combat]

[Epic perk gained!]

[Indomitable Endurance - OK. Become discount-Rammus. You are now tanky as all fuck. Also gain stamina equal to tankiness. At least you won’t be leaving your girl unsatisfied in bed.]

Bruh, see how unlucky my shit RNG was! Imagine this, I get an epic roll, but it becomes a gathering skill! Sure, it isn’t bad, it would be great even, but how the fuck am I supposed to use them when I have shit production skills!? I mean, just look at this shit!

[Retractable Claws] - Gained from the Faunus Race. Can extend or retract claws at will. Affected by STR, END, and DEX. (Gained from Race: Faunus)

[Night Vision] - Have increased vision in the dark. (Gained from Race: Faunus)

[Iron Belly - You won’t get sick from eating raw food. Still tastes like shit though.] (Common)

[Good Lookin’ - You look good. That’s it. People will find you more attractive.] (Uncommon)

[Rapid Regeneration (System Version) - Increases your body’s regeneration capabilities by a factor of 10. System Version - increases it by another factor of 10, gain a very high resistance to harmful toxins, and sleeping will cleanse your body removing all form of debuffs from your body.]

[Metallic Sense - You gain the ability to sense metal and its properties. You find rare metals a bit easier and gather them with practiced ease. It ain’t mastery, but hey, at least you can grab and bag metals like a shopper on Black Friday.] (Rare)

[Earthen Channeling - You can control rocks, metal and dirt. Good for you. It may not be as strong as those with mediocre training, but hey, magic is magic. Go make some dirt golems, or something.] (Uncommon)

[Efficient Digestion - Your body hungers for food, yet your stomach says otherwise. You now gain more nutrients from food you eat and liquid you drink. No need to eat a full course meal to bloat your damn gut. Really, you need to slim down, fatass.] (Uncommon)

[Sleep is for the Weak - Sleep? What’s that? Is it tasty? Your body no longer needs sleep to function at full capacity. Instead, sleeping grants various bonuses to stats and health depending on how long you slept for. You can also immediately sleep without waiting to tire in the blink of an eye, as well as instantly wake up if your body instinctively feels a threat nearby.] (Rare)

[Pure Water Dispenser - You thirsty? Have some wotah. You can dispense pure water from your fingers. Max output is that of a running faucet.] (Common)

[Fortune’s Favor - Lady Luck is on your side, or not. Randomness ensues, creating more and more situations to find yourself in, whether it be good, or bad, RNGesus is your man. Don’t worry, though, overcoming the odds grants boons you might not have thought you needed.] (Uncommon)

[Basic Reinforcement - You’re a discount Shirou Emiya! Except you can only go as far as well-trained athletes. May induce muscle pains.] (Common)

[Indomitable Endurance - OK. Become discount-Rammus. You are now tanky as all fuck. Also gain stamina equal to tankiness. At least you won’t be leaving your girl unsatisfied in bed.] (Epic)

I don’t even have a single production perk! I think I had a production item somewhere in my inventory, but how useful is it when I literally have no idea how to use it? Sure, I could go and learn it from the basics, but do you know how long it takes for one to get even remotely good at the craft?

Yeah, see what I mean? Also, did they change my System? I can see the rarity of the perks now in my window. Kinda cool, also depressing seeing how many uncommons and commons I have.

I hate it.

Oh well, more silver-linings, at least I’m a tanky boi now. Actually, the perk says that I gain stamina based on my tankiness… Ignoring the sexual innuendo, does this mean I can train for longer? If it does, it means more gains for me!

Yes! Just the perk I need. Sadly, I also learned something about gaining more stamina like what happened when I allocated points to my endurance and vitality stats. It doesn’t get rid of the pain. Sure, I could continue on and on, my body certainly could, but the problem is the mind.

Can I keep on going knowing that my arms feels like they’re on fire? It’s a mental thing, but damn if I ain’t dreading that. Maybe because of this perk, I would be gaining stats at a reduced rate because of how high my baseline is now.

… Ah fuck it. You know what they say, no pain, no gain. If I’m pussy enough to shy from a simple, extended work out, then how the fuck am I supposed to survive the extinction level threat in a few years?

No way am I letting that happen, so arms, do your fucking best.

Now then, I still have those item rolls. Time to cry in a corner and pray for the worse.

[Rolling]

[58]

[Combat]

[Uncommon Item gained! It has been transferred to your inventory for safe keeping]

[Spectral Bow - Ooohhhh… Spooookyyy… Conjures spectral arrows to pepper your targets with. Spectral arrows go through physical armor. Consumes mana(aura) to use.]

Hm… This is… not something I was expecting… Is this really an uncommon item? It sure doesn’t seem like it, what with it ignoring armor. Seems like it would be affective against heavily armored Grimm, since they don’t have aura.

That said, I can’t use this yet because using it would paint a target on my back that I can’t afford right now. I am mega weak, and everybody else is Darth Vader for all I care.

If I can’t even fight Ruby at her best, then I’m pretty sure I’m just cannon fodder for the enemies to cull.

Alright, one last roll, and again, pray for the worse, because praying for the best usually results in shit rolls.

[Rolling]

[9]

[Combat]

[Common item gained! It has been transferred to your inventory for safe keeping]

[Throwing Knives - You are now ninja! Nah, just kidding, you suck. Why not use this in melee?]

… You know what? Fuck this, I’m going to sleep…

[][][]

Damn it, I forgot to allocate my stat points, oh well, no time like the present.

Name: Jack Alano

Title: Unlucky Sunovabitch

Race: Faunus (Tiger [Retractable Claws])

SP = 10 -> 0

STR: 15

VIT: 32 + 5 = 37

END: 34 + 5 = 39

AGI: 12

DEX: 11

INT: 10

WIS: 5

I let out a long sigh as I felt my sweat drip down cheeks, my toasty buns chilling on the reclining chair just sitting pretty within the patio. Another note, I got more stats again! Who cares if they were just a point on each of my physical stats, they’re still gains, bitch!

Right on the floor, Yang glared at me as she slumps down, her entire body shivering as she tried to push herself up with her trembling elbows.

“How’d… you… get… so… much… damn… stamina…” Yang panted as she tried and failed to prop herself up, fully accepting her fate being one with the patio floor.

I let myself grin and leaned closer to her ear. “Nanomachines, son.”

“… What?” Yang tilted her head up to look at me with confusion in her eyes. Damn, her sweat is starting to stink…

Retreating back to my well-earned reclining chair for the day after our brief competition to see who first would drop dead on the ground with push-ups, I gave her the smuggest of smug looks I could muster.

“Now that would be telling.” I waved a finger at her, causing her eyes to shift colors to red for a brief moment, before it returned to her normal lilac, while her face met the floor again.

“You’re so… bullshit…” Her voice was muffled by the smooth floor, now being tainted by her stinky sweat. You know what, time to troll her.

“By the by, you’re starting to stink.” I commented offhandedly and Yang somehow mustered the energy to jump to her feet the moment she heard my words.

“What!? You can’t be serio-” She stopped mid-sentence and took a whiff of her armpits. Cringing, Yang withdrew from her stinky pits and grumbled. “Okay, I’m gonna go take a bath. You continue… whatever the hell it is you’re doing.”

I gave her a thumbs up and watched as Yang shambled about towards the house, her legs wobbling slightly with each step.

“Jack, please share me your secret!” Ruby all but prostrated when she zoomed on by, the rope wrapped around her waist dragging a tire all but missing from her ensemble. Must’ve finished her exercise for the day.

“Trade secret.” I made a shush gesture, and let me tell you, Ruby’s pout was something to behold.