LDQ Vol. 3 pt. 7 (Patreon)

It was only after we left the store that I realized something very important. Something that gave even more evidence to the theory that I was, in fact, a horrible person, a criminal, and a villain.

I didn’t pay for Window’s new hairclip.

We basically stole it.

The cashier was busy enough at the front counter that they couldn’t check to see if we were trying to steal anything, and the thought of paying completely slipped my mind. Maybe it was because I had already gone so long without ever having to actually pay for anything inside of Vala’s universe. Maybe it was because, the last time I was looking at buying something, the worker was a greedy asshole who I ended up… also stealing from.

“Window… am I a bad person?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Window answered with zero hesitation.

“Do… do you think we should go back to pay for it?”

“Nah.”

“Wait, why not?”

“Because that’d take time away from our date. And the only people I care about giving money to are gacha devs.”

“So theft is alright if it means saving more time for our date?!”

“It’s only light theft! It’s not like we stole a legendary sword that was a town’s major cause of tourism or anything like that.”

“A-ah. Yeah. Who would do that?”

“Probably some really horrible terrible person. Like the worst of the worst.”

“Sounds like a really horrible guy.”

“Who said he’s a guy? The fact that you assume he’s a guy makes me think you know something. Maybe you are him. Wait… don’t tell me, Drake. Is it possible that you’re the absolute worst of the worst?”

“It – it can’t be.”

“I think it is. The gig is up, Drake. I’m taking you in!”

“I knew it! You’ve been undercover this whole time! The only reason you wanted to go on a date with me was to get me out in public where you’d have witnesses!”

Before Window said anything, we noticed that we were making a scene in the middle of the sidewalk. In a city that never slept which never had a shortage of people to fill the sidewalks where nobody paid attention to anybody but themselves… we somehow managed to actually grab the attention of those passing by us.

That caused Window to hug my arm a bit tighter so that we could hurry our way past the crowd to an entirely new group of people who had no idea what was going on. Which, really, only took a few steps in one direction. It wasn’t hard to get completely lost in the crowd when it came to one of the busiest cities in the world.

“By the way, do you even know where we’re going?” Window asked me.

“I have a vague idea,” I answered.

“Have you been here before?”

“Not – not really.”

“That was a suspicious stutter. Tell me the truth or I’m arresting you after all.”

“Going to bring out the handcuffs on our first date? Didn’t know you were such a perverted, informational—” I was shut up by the feeling of her elbow jabbing into my side. “Alright, fine. I uh… you know how you can take virtual tours of places online from a street view?”

“Yeah, I’ve played with that before.”

“Well, when I was younger, I uh… do I have to?”

“You’re hesitating and blushing. There isn’t a universe in existence where you don’t have to now.”

Fortunately, even though we were surrounded by people, it felt like it was just the two of us talking in privacy. “I used to go through the streets here and think about what it’d be like to bring somebody here for a date,” I explained in a hurry. “I planned everything out, thought about where we’d go in what order, which wife would like which place—”

“What do you mean which wife?”

“This was back when I used to think I’d have like twenty wives when I grew up.”

Window covered her mouth up with her hand as she laughed. “Little virgin Drake took himself on virtual dates pretending that he had a bunch of wives.”

“Listen… I had dreams.”

“How innocent. I bet you used to think that you’d grow up to be a nice guy, too. Somebody who was a hero instead of a villain.”

“Actually, I was sure I’d be in jail before I was an adult because I hate dealing with people’s shit.”

“You planned on being a villain after all?!”

“Well, not a villain. More like a…”

“A villain?”

“Yeah, alright.”

“Wow. S. M. R. I mean… I guess it’d be SMH right now instead of SMR.”

“Technically, if you shake your head, you’re also shaking your rectangle,” I said and poked her hairclip.

She swatted my hand away before pouting. “Be careful! This thing was cheap!”

“It kind of hurts to hear the girl I’m taking on a date shouting at me that the present I got her was cheap.”

“Just because it’s the best present ever doesn’t change the fact that it’s the cheapest present ever, too. We have to be careful that it doesn’t break until we go home. Then I can use my powers to make it invincible.”

“How are we supposed to get back anyways?”

“Vala will probably randomly open up a portal for us once she thinks we’re ready to go back.”

“How will she know where to put the portal?”

“Oh, she chipped me, so she can track where I am.”

“Are you a dog?!”

“It’s just a figure of speech! And I wouldn’t steal the sisters’ thing!”

“So, it’s not literally a chip?”

Window sighed and took her phone out from her pocket. “Her computer can track my phone.”

“That’s not like a chip at all!”

“I called it a chip for comedic effect! Hmph!” She sounded and looked like she wanted to punish me for questioning her, but her method of “punishment” was squeezing my arm against her chest even more.

And that was anything but a punishment.

“Where’re we going anyways?” Window asked as we turned onto a slightly emptier street, but one that was still surrounded by buildings reaching far too high into the sky. Of course, I thought almost all buildings reached too high since they blocked the view of the landscape.

“Right here,” I said and stopped us right in front of the building I had in mind.

“What’s this?” She looked up at the sign to read it. “An… aquarium?” Her eyes lit up. “An aquarium?! But – it’s in the middle of a city! Shouldn’t it be in a zoo? If it’s in this building… isn’t it going to be really small? No-not that I’d be upset if it’s small or anything.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Vala raised you well.”

“Thanks. Anyways, I get it. People want to see the real big and cool fish when they go to an aquarium, right?”

“Ye-yeah…”

“Trust me on this one. You won’t be disappointed.”

Window nodded and looked toward the entrance with eager eyes.

From the outside, the building looked no more special than any other. It looked like just another office building, but it shared two entrances which set it apart from most. The left entrance led into what looked like a normal lobby that hosted several elevators which would take businessmen and women all through the building’s various floors to whichever office they worked in. The right entrance, however, had an elaborate aquarium sign above it which showed sharks, whales, and other aquatic species swimming around together.

After opening the door, Window saw that it wasn’t just another normal building. Behind the doors was an escalator that led downwards with various signs hanging over it which advertised membership programs, offered tours, and so on.

“We’re… going underground?” Window asked.

“It’s the only aquarium in the world like this,” I answered. “I know it looked pretty unassuming on the outside, but…”

Rather than finish what I was saying, I let the sight revealed at the bottom of the escalator speak for me.

The pathway ahead of us was a glass tunnel surrounded by water on all sides. It was like we stepped into an underground ocean that looked infinite in size. Of course, it wasn’t actually infinite, but those who built the aquarium were able to trick people into thinking it was with some fancy lighting tricks.

Just as impressive as the architectural feat was the amount of life swimming around within the secluded ocean. Colorful fish belonging to every color of the rainbow, whales and dolphins, sharks and octopi – the aquarium seemingly had it all.

“H-how?!” Window asked. “This place is – this is… isn’t this way too unrealistic?! How does this boring human planet have something like this?!”

“It’s what happens when the richest man in the world really, really likes aquariums. The rest of the office building above this belongs to him, too,” I explained. “Don’t ask me how it all works, though. All I know is that this place is considered one of the world’s wonders at this point. I mean, it’s basically an underground ocean in the middle of one of the world’s biggest cities. There are some informational kiosks scattered around that explain how it all works, I think.”

“Pffttt, I don’t care about that. I just want to look at all the fish!”

“Shouldn’t you show some solidarity with your box-shaped information dispensers?!”

“They’re just wannabes compared to me. I bet I know way more than them.”

“Do you know how this place was built?”

“I – I… can look it up online and probably find even more information than they know!”

“Can’t argue with that. Anyways, as amazing as this place might be,” I paused and looked toward the ticket counter. “We still have to pay.”

“I guess I’ll wait until after we pay to do what I want then.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You’ll see. Come on, let’s hurry up!”

Window was clearly excited about starting our adventure into the rest of the aquarium, so we went and got our tickets. Well, they were less of tickets and more of temporary prints in pink on the top of our hands. Regardless, they’d let us walk around inside the aquarium without anybody causing us any trouble.

Then, once we walked far enough to get out of sight from the workers at the front desk, Window stopped us and looked up at me with a mischievous little smile. “You know, Drake, I’m somewhat of a villain myself.”

That had me worried. “Should I be worried? Because I’m worried. You’re not going to try stealing one of the fish or something, are you?”

She stared at me with a pretty blank expression for a few moments. “Try again.”

“You’re not going to reveal that this is all part of an elaborate sting operation, are you?”

“That play is already spent!”

“You – you’re going to propose to me?!”

“Thi-thi-this is still only the first date! Don’t get – don’t get cheeky!”

“Hm. I have no idea then.”

With an exasperated sigh, Window snapped her fingers which caused my other arm to feel a familiar sensation pressing up against it.

And when I looked to see the source of said sensation…

I saw another Window.

“What a lucky guy,” the second Window said. The original Window then said, “You get to walk around with two girls clinging to your arms. It’ll look like you’re on a date with twins.” The second Window picked up after that. “I wonder how many people you’re gonna make jealous?”

“Wait… how’s this work?” I asked. “Are you – like, clones? Technically the same person? What?”

“We’re the same Window you know and worship,” both Windows said in unison. “And for the sake of ease, we’re going to share a dialogue tag now instead of always differentiating between who’s saying what. You can imagine we’re both talking, taking turns talking, whatever you want.”

“But why would I imagine that when I can hear you myself?”

“That wasn’t for you.”

“You’re supposed to leave the whole ‘we’re actually in a book, movie, game, or whatever’ roleplay at home. There’s no audience you’re talking to.”

“You’re listening to me, so doesn’t that technically make you my audience?” Window asked, looking up at me with two smug faces instead of just one.

It was a good thing that she wasn’t able to read my thoughts outside of Vala’s universe. If she was able to, she would have been able to tell that I was thinking about certain… activities that would be even more fun with more of her bodies. That really opened up an entire new universe of opportunities.

“You’re thinking something perverted, aren’t you?” Window asked.

“I thought you couldn’t read my thoughts?!”

“I don’t have to read your thoughts to see that look on your face! That’s the kind of face that a guy makes when he’s thinking about a cute, top-tier, informational status waifu making dozens of copies of herself to do lewd things with!”

“There’s a face for that?!”

“There is! It’s your face!”

“I’m going to have to start wearing a mask. Maybe one of those black ski masks that only shows your eyes and lips.”

“You really are a villain!”

“Wait, I thought that was already confirmed?”

“Now it’s double confirmed. Wait, it’s probably quadruple confirmed by now if not more.”

Apparently, our banter wasn’t appreciated by some of the nearby visitors of the aquarium since several of them shot annoyed looks our way. There were also some concerned mothers whose names probably started with K and ended with AREN who shielded their small kids’ eyes when they saw me walking around with a girl on each arm.

But we didn’t care. We were having too much fun to care about something like that.

And that probably made us both even more villainous. There we were, not bothering to keep our voices down while constantly messing with each other, probably disrupting the enjoyment of everybody around who could hear us.

Yet none of that mattered to us. All that mattered was having fun with each other, just like always.

“Woah… Drake, look!” Window said, finally breaking off from my arm with each of her bodies to press up against the glass tunnel.

After descending even deeper into the underground aquarium, the beautiful coral reef that decorated the bottom was visible. It had just the right amount of lighting to give it an almost magical sort of glow as schools of fish swam all throughout the corals.

“It’s so pretty… I kind of want something like this back home,” Window said.

“Eh, it’s not that pretty,” I said. “I can think of something even prettier.”

Window turned to look at me with a shocked expression. “What could be even prettier?! Look! Don’t you see how—”

“You.”

“M-me?”

“You’re prettier.”

Window turned both of her heads away as their cheeks turned red. “You… you really are taking this date seriously.”

“It’s a date. Aren’t I supposed to?”

“Yeah, but… I’m not used to stuff like that from you.”

“Then I guess I’ve got to say it so often that you get used to it.”

“That’s going to wear it out!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll still bully you and throw you around every now and then to balance things out. Can’t let you get used to all the nice and romantic things.”

“That sounds so abusive.”

She had a point. A very good point seeing as how our conversation drew a bit too many eyes once again. “Come on,” I said, grabbing a hand from each Window to hurry off to another area where there’d be less people staring at us.

“Wa-wait! I’m not done looking at the corals!”

“There’s something even better up here.” While Window had fun staring out the tunnel, I made sure to memorize the brochure.

Near the end of the path, at the point where the tunnel looped back up toward the entrance, we actually reached one of the aquarium’s walls that led a forked path of the tunnel through it.

“Here,” I said. “Look in there.”

Window didn’t waste any time following my order to follow the new path, looking up in awe as soon as she did.

She was completely silent.

When I joined her in the new tunnel, we found ourselves in a separate, smaller aquarium completely filled with hundreds upon hundreds of bioluminescent jellyfish floating through the water. The light from their glows was brighter than the lights built into the tunnel’s walkway.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“It’s… crazy beautiful,” Window answered. “It’s like we’re right in the middle of a giant swarm of jellyfish.”

“And we’re perfectly safe from being stung by any of them.”

“It’s kind of terrifying even if I know that… but even more beautiful.”

“Happy I brought you here?”

Window nodded each of her heads before reaching back to hold my hands. One hand per copy of her. “Thanks, Drake. This is way better than I ever could have hoped for. Oh, um… are there… any places like this but for plants and flowers? We could go there next! Dr-Drake? Are you… are you alright?”

I must have looked too obvious, what with my slouched shoulders and tears at the corners of my eyes.

Despite there being a place as amazing as the aquarium in the city… there was no similar place for plants.

Even if I was on a date with an incredibly cute girl who could create duplicates of herself to hold both of my arms against her chests, life was still cruel and unfair.