Truths (100 patrons story) (Patreon)

The first hint of dawn, sunlight not quite breaking the horizon yet, the wind smelling of salt and seaweed. The party has died down like all parties do once the steam runs out. Some have stayed, half asleep by the fire, others have already left for more comfortable beds.

Julia never minded the sand.

Anathema is watching the fire, feeding it the odd stick when it threatens to go out. It's still fascinating, watching them stick their hand into the flames to rearrange the charred logs, impervious to the fire. Does it take some of the fun out of it? Julia has never asked, but it seems like it would. Without danger, is anything real?

Chen is lounging on the blanket, bare, sandaled feet close enough to the flames that the soles would be at risk of melting if the flames were higher. He's probably cold, the blanket draped around him, face distant and sleepy. His fingers keep twitching; it's an old pair of hands, which he doesn't mind if sand gets into the joints to ruin them.

Sentinel is asleep. Soundly. Occasionally Chen gives him a companionable shove, which shuts him up for a few minutes before the snoring starts once more. Every time it happens, Sidestep picks up something to throw, but Chen always beats them to it.

At this point, it has turned into a game.

"Let him sleep," Julia says, breaking the silence.

"He won't let us sleep," Sunstream complains, wrapped in a blanket as well. This early, the faint glow of her eyes make her look otherworldly, like a goddess trapped in human form, and that was a thought that Julia would never articulate out loud.

"So don't," Julia suggests with a smile. 

"Some of us need our beauty sleep," she retorts, but sits back up, trying to untangle her ruffled hair. Like Julia's, it's long and fit for magazine covers.

"Should have left when Ashfall drove the rest back then," Sidestep says, mask off but hood up. Unlike the rest, their attempt at civilian clothes is a tracksuit Julia knows she bought them months ago. Still looks new. There's a skinsuit underneath; she can see it every time they move when the sleeves slide up.

"Don't be an ass, 'step," Julia says, hiding a yawn as she slides deeper into the sand. The sky is impossibly vast above, painted with the deep blues of approaching sunrise. 

"People never like a truth-teller." They turn to look at  Julia, only the smile visible under the edge of the hood. White. Thin. Predatory. 

But Julia had always been fond of danger.

"Really?" she asks, her smile widening as Sidestep's fades. A mistake has been made, they realize that now. "How about a game?"

"It's late," Sunstream complains. "Or early, I suppose. Anyway, I'm not going to move, Jules."

"Not truth and dare again," Chen mutters. "We're all hurt, this is supposed to be us recuperating. The Void left you a mess; you shouldn't even be out of the hospital."

"No dare then," Julia suggests amiably, flexing her leg. As if a broken bone would stop her. "Just the truth."

"Forget that," Sidestep protests, at the same time as Chen. They glare at each other a moment before Anathema chimes in:

"I'm in." They put on a few more sticks, and the flames leap to life, Chen scooting back to save his sandals.

"Can't spin a bottle in the sand," Chen points out, looking too pleased with himself.

"Here's the rules then," Julia tosses an empty bottle in the air, it lands, pointing approximately at Sunstream. "We each ask a question the others have to answer truthfully."

"Like hell," Sidestep mutters. "You're the oversharer here; the rest of us likes our secrets very much, thank you."

"Think of it as a team-building exercise," Julia chuckles. "You first Sunny, but don't be mean."

"Don't we have anything to say in this?" Chen's protest is quiet, once again finding himself allied with Sidestep. Funny how they dislike each other.

"No," Anathema says. "And wake up Luis."

"I'm awake," Sentinel mumbles, clearly half asleep.

"Come on, Sunny," Julia goads, and Sunstream sighs and picks up the bottle.

"I don't have to answer it, right?"

"No, but don't be a dick," Anathema grins.

"I'm not the one you have to worry about," a pointed look at Julia, "but okay. Here we go. Who would you least want to fight on the team? If it was serious, like they were under the influence of Dreamweaver or something?"

"Suited up?" Chen asks, always a stickler for details.

"Yes, and associates included."

"Hmph," he says, pulling the blankets tighter. "Ashfall, nothing I could do to hurt him, and I think he could probably shred my filters if he tried."

"Not me?" Anathema exclaims. "I'm hurt."

"I can stay at a distance from you," Chen says. "Blow a hole in the ground, trap you there."

"It was once," they protest. "But fine, I would pick Luis. For the same reason. Couldn't reach, and his winds could toss me into the ocean."

"I wouldn't do that, sweetie," Sentinel chuckles, eyes half-open, stifling a yawn. "I'd pick Sunny, winds don't affect lasers. That would be annoying."

"I would pick Themmy," Julia says with a wince. "Nothing I could do but hurt myself. What about you, 'step?"

"You," Sidestep says, a quiet grumble. "You never shut up when you fight, it's the worst."

"My secret weapon," Julia smiles, gesturing to Sunstream. "Come on, make a toss."

The bottle flies into the air, a good rotation, and comes down, pointing at Sentinel.

"Good," he mumbles. easing himself up on one elbow. "What do you children want for Christmas?"

"That's not fair," Anathema protests. "It's three months 'til Christmas."

"I like to get my shopping done early."

"Fine," they say with a resigned look on their face. "I need a new frier since the other one gave up the ghost."

"Some of your girlfriend's cookies," Sunstream says with a dreamy look. "They're addictive."

"You're going to give me something stupid anyway," Chen sighs. "I still haven't used last year's tickets."

"Really? Come on, man," Sentinel gives Chen a punch in the leg. "The show was excellent, just get a date and check it out. Stop being a chicken."

"I'm not. It's just..."

"I know you're bad at the whole dating thing, but you need to put yourself out there. Don't make me sign you up for a dating service; there's a lot of girls out there that would love you."

"Fine," Chen groans. "Just give me some new tickets. At least I don't have to figure out where to go then." 

"No tickets for me?" Julia jokes, inwardly sighing because no way Chen will ever use those tickets. What a waste.

"You get them for free, little miss best dressed 2005."

"Fair," she admits. "Just give me a bottle then. Something old and weird. Possibly illegal."

"Oh, you shouldn't have challenged me," Sentinel chuckles. "How about you, Sidestep?"

"Me?" They look surprised. 

"Yeah, you're getting a Christmas present too. What do you want?"

"Don't be weird." They pull the hood down deeper. "You don't have to give me a present."

"But I want to."

"Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?"

"You're supposed to write a list to Santa. I just decided to sidestep the process."

"Ha. Ha. You're a funny old man."

"And you're a bratty vigilante who is getting a Christmas present."

"Gum."

"Gum? You can't pick gum, that's not..."

"I just did. I want gum. Now throw that fucking bottle."

"Fine, fine," Sentinel picks up the bottle, still looking bemused at Sidestep. He throws it into the air, it spins faster than it should as the wind picks up, and when it lands, it points straight at Sidestep.

"Cheater, " they mutter.

"Thought you'd like to ask questions instead of answering them." Sentinel's smile is bright.

"Why are you so annoying," Sidestep groans, only realizing too late what they said.

"It's part of my charm," Julia pipes up, quickly followed by Anathema:

"I am just friendly, and you can't handle that."

"You don't like the things I have to say," Chen mutters, trying to hide his amusement.

"You like the shadows, not the light," Sunstream catches on.

"And I am way too clever even this early in the morning." Sentinel winks, and Sidestep groans again, pulling the hood deeper.

"Fine, fine, it's national drag-a-Sidestep day. I get it." They pick up the bottle and throws it; it lands in the fire, scattering sand and sparks.

"Guess that's me," Anathema says, leaning in to grab it from the flames. "I'm not going to be silly about this, I actually do want to know. Why did you become a hero?" A quick glance at Sidestep. "Or a vigilante, I could see that protest coming a mile off."

"Wow," Sunstream says. "You're playing hardball here."

"It's too early, and most of you are drunk." A sweet smile. "And I'm feeling sentimental."

"It's a job," Chen says abruptly. "And it's better than the military. I feel like I can make a difference here."

"Isn't that why we all started?" Sentinel looks around the fire, slow words, slow blinks. "Because we wanted to change things. Maybe change ourselves. Become something new."

"I just didn't want to be bored," Julia lies, as effortlessly as always. "I get paid for being a reckless idiot. A good deal if you ask me."

"I want to matter," Sunstream says, face sharp, eyes burning. "That's all."

"I don't know what else I would do," Sidestep admits, looking uncharacteristically disturbed. "It makes sense."

"How do you mean?" Anathema asks, in the way that only they could. A way that might get an answer. 

"I've got the skills. And I won't be useless." Sidestep's voice is sharp, and Julia knows there's more there, but it's not the time to prod. Maybe later. Useless is a weird word to use.

"Fine, Julia or Chen then," Anathema grins, another nugget extracted from the black hole that is Sidestep. "I can't throw it perfectly."

"I'll go," Chen says, eyes uncharacteristically shifty. "Have you ever done anything illegal?"

"Asshole," Julia laughs. "You know I have. Trespassing and breaking the speed limit if nothing else."

"I don't think so," Sentinel ponders. "I mean nothing big anyway. And to be fair, a lot of things become legal when you're a Ranger."

"Yes, I have," Anathema admits with a cringe. "But that was before I got boosted. That doesn't count."

"No," Sunstream says, decisively. "I try to be good."

"Me neither," Sidestep says, looking straight at Chen. "I haven't done anything illegal. Ever."

"But you..." Julia protests, thinking back to how they met, but... there's something strangely earnest about the proclamation. They really mean it, in a sharp and twisted way she doesn't quite get. Not yet. She can see Chen coming to the same conclusion, so she decides to distract. "My turn now."

"Oh no," Sidestep drawls. "It sure would be helpful if a villain attacked right now."

"Villains aren't helpful," Anathema giggles. "Just suck it up."

"Your biggest regret," Julia spits out, fast before her brain has time to engage. It's too heavy a question for the mood, and it lands quietly among the group; nobody eager to speak up first.

"Should have done it sooner," Sentinel speaks first, trust Luis to breach the challenging subjects. "Would have been a hell of a lot simpler if I had stopped doubting myself early on instead of transitioning when I was already in the media limelight."

"You can't..." Chen starts but stops himself before it turns into a discussion. That's not the point of this, and he knows it. "I've got a lot of regrets," he haltingly continues now that all eyes are on him. He was always uncomfortable with that. "Hard to pick one. Hard to know who I would be without them."

"I know what you mean," Anathema says. "But I trusted someone I shouldn't have, and even if it led me to this point, I wish I hadn't. I wouldn't be me, but maybe I would be happier."

"You're not happy?" Sidestep pipes up.

"I can't complain now," the shrug is noncommittal. "I wish I could forget certain things, though."

"Don't we all," Sidestep mutters, looking at the flames. Julia looks on, fascinated at how their face shifts under the hood, open and unreadable at the same time.

"What do you regret?" Anathema prods gently.

"Chen first," they retort. "I know a dodge when I hear one."

"Overreacting," Chen says, sharply. "I walked out of a situation I could have talked my way through, just because I lost my temper. It all escalated from there."

"You, losing your temper?" Julia can't stop her smile. It happens rarely, but the blowouts are magnificent. "And didn't apologize afterward?"

"I was right, I had nothing to apologize for." A helpless shrug. "And then things had gone too far to walk anything back. It was easier to just continue forward."

"I know what you mean," Sunstream says, warming her hands near the fire. "Being right doesn't mean it hurts any less. I wish I could have said sorry to my mother before she died. Maybe I would have got her out of my head then."

"She would be proud, " Sentinel mumbles, still comfortably slouched.

"No, she'd be horrified at what I am." The words are lighter than they should, her eyes glowing faintly. "But I still shouldn't have said what I said to her."

"What about you, 'step?" Sentinel shifts to look over at Sidestep, who has drawn in on themselves, knees pulled up, arms around them.

"I left someone behind." Quick words, sharp as a razor. "I had no choice. But I wish I hadn't done it. I should have..."

"Hey," Anathema shifts closer. "We all should have, that's the point of regrets. But we didn't. And maybe that's why we're here. Trying to make things better."

"You're such an optimist," Sidestep grumbles, but their shoulders sag slightly, accepting the inevitable.

"Gotta be, in this gloomy team. It's just Luis and me holding the fort."

"Hey, I'm not gloomy," Sunstream protests.

"No, just serious."

"And me?" Julia knows she's smiling, so she plays it up, like always. "I'm a regular bundle of joy."

"You just play the part," Anathema teases, and Julia is too kind to point out that out of the two of them, the one that does that is Anathema. Invulnerability is not invisibility.

Nobody becomes a hero without baggage—especially not one determined enough to climb to the top.

She should know.

---

Later, people have finally drifted off to sleep in the shadows of the dunes, the early morning sun warming the air. Julia is sitting on a dune, hair loose in the breeze, trying to pretend she doesn't hear Sidestep sneaking up behind her.

She tenses, but there's no surprise attack, just a resigned sigh as the vigilante sinks down into the sand next to her.

"So, what's yours?" The question is direct, without any polite preamble.

"My what?" Julia turns, trying to catch a glimpse of their face, but it's hidden in shadow.

"Biggest regret. Don't think I didn't notice, people asked the things they were afraid of answering themselves. So what's yours?"

"Maybe making the jump that day, even though the winds were treacherous."

"Bullshit. You broke your back, sure, but you love what you do now, and you wouldn't have become modded otherwise. I was serious for once; you owe me a reply."

"I do, don't I." Julia sighs, looking at the waves. "I should have gone with Hood to make the pickup. I shouldn't have let him go alone; I knew something was wrong." She doesn't look at Sidestep, and they don't look at her in return. "I should have snuck after him. Or talked him into taking me. I should have trusted my instincts."

"To be fair, your instincts are crap." The comment is brutal and surprising, and Julia can't stop the laugh.

"They are a bit, aren't they?" She lies back, feeling Sidestep do the same beside her. "But they're all I've got."

"So, what are they saying about me?" 

"That I like you."

"See, they're shitty."

"You wanna take a nap?" Julia rolls over, watching Sidestep watching the skies. Sleep is napping at her heels, but as usual, they don't seem too bothered.

"No. You grab one. I'll keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

"Like always." She hides the smile at the annoyed huff. No use getting into an argument on the edge of sleep. Not over something she knows she'd lose.

Better to just enjoy the moment.