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In which we use something imperfect (words) to settle a debate.

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Coal Musterm

Holding hands is more exhausting. You can't get away with saying "Not today, I'm tired."

Nicholas

Personally I feel like handholding is more intimate than sex, because other people will see you holding hands, which gives them some indication as to the nature of the relationship (which is none of their freaking business). Sex happens (usually) privately, so no one knows how close you actually are. But even more intimate than either of those is brushing someone's hair.