Updates, apologies, and new pursuits (Patreon)

First off, thank you all so much for your patience in dealing with my lackluster production rate. I'm really ashamed in promising so much but delivering so little, and I owe you all a frank explanation for that. 

tl;dr: kept trying to do things the easy way, and realized I'm just wasting time. Enough dicking around. Going to make erotic anime (full-on animation, starting with animated text, and moving to sound as I learn how to do it) Totally understand if you guys don't agree with my decision, but life is too short. Oh and I love you all.

I meant to write this explanation earlier this week, but I've been afraid to because it feels eerily like that stinging failure when you decide you want to change majors/career pursuits.

I've been struggling to find motivation to work my lust projects, and for the last two months I've been trying to figure out why. The main things I've promised recently have been:

• Visual novels, 
• Faster production rate for pumping out new drawings and captions and stuff
• Streaming more on Picarto

The truth is, I don't really want to work on any of those things. When I'm alone, and dream about eroticism and lust projects I want to work on, it always revolves around the idea of what if I could direct a high quality, story-driven, high production value erotic anime (hentai film I guess...). 

My dream of dreams is to form an animation studio and produce works both (family friendly and adult), that will turn heads and show just how underdeveloped and powerful a medium animation really is. To change people's relationship with storytelling and eroticism.

All those other things, visual novels, captions, etc... are stop-gap measures: practice for leading up to that goal. 

Predicated on the belief that I'm not skilled enough to make that animation studio idea a reality just yet. That I don't have the money, nor the skill to make it happen.

I figured, I'd just do captions and drawings and stuff until I make enough money in supporters or whatever to make that dream a reality. And my drawing strategy revolved around that: put out a consistent stream of "good enough" works to build up enough of a following to safely pursue my greater goals when I reached "that point".

But instead of doing that, every time I found time to work on my drawings, instead I just spent it looking up animation/production tutorials, thinking about what I would do when I reached "that point".

After I started streaming on Twitch, and put out a dozen or so works there, my skill hadn't improved all that much. And that's because I kept trying to force myself to "finish" the works so I could move on to the next one. 

However, for my latest drawings, I instead tried to not worry about any sort of deadline, just focus on making the best possible drawing, no matter how long it took. The results speak for themselves: they are by far the best drawings I've done to date. And my skill ceiling and confidence got much higher.

As I write this, and look back on all the lust works I've done so far, I've noticed that despite my "strategy to do a constant stream of good enough", my real desires leaked out: the elf cuckold film, saber film, the spiral film, the dystopian comics, all unusual attempts to see how close I actually am to "that point".

My desire to create those ambitious animated storytelling consistently overrode my "good enough" strategy, and I felt ashamed of it because I didn't complete those works quickly enough. 

Weird isn't it? Why should I be ashamed of pushing the limits of my knowledge/ability or trying to do a project above my pay grade?

I think you guys get the point. I'm really tired of feeling guilty for not doing the "smart thing". I'm going to be a dumb dreamer and punch as far above my paygrade as I can. I'm going to start making animated hentai, and do everything I can to make it the best stuff you'll ever watch. Am I skilled enough? Probably not. But I think I'm at my best when I'm landing among the stars.

If you don't feel like supporting me anymore, I completely understand. I thank you so much for your support all this time, putting up with my cringe artist 1st world problems. But if you feel like seeing the best of me, you know what to do ;)

Above all else, I hope you guys understand how much I appreciate all of you. I always go out of my way to respond individually to all of you, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with you. I've had some interactions lately (ahem Choco) that reminded me just how meaningful my relationship with you guys is. So whether you stay or leave, please don't be a stranger.

I do intend to honor my commitments to premium $9+ patrons, though how I approach that may be much more interesting now.

Expect yet another revamp of the Patreon and discord, and this time, it'll be a much more permanent one. My Picarto stream will still be a thing, but I'm not pressure myself into doing it if I don't feel it, and it may take a different format from here on.