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SIXTY-ONE (Patreon)

Published:
2023-07-02 02:19:28
Imported:
2023-07

Content





It hurt too much for words.







[A/N: This is really Chapter Sixty-One. Chapter Sixty-Two will be released Sunday on schedule.]

Comments

Anonymous

This doesn't really work for me. Worm pulled off something similar to absolutely incredible effect because it managed to give the answers to multiple mysteries (one of them extremely long running) right after an very suprising and impactfull moment. The suffering tied to loss of authority is a bit too abstract to us readers, for it too create much of the impact the chapter is trying to garner.

Rhaid

Well, that was disapointing. I know the actual chapter is coming out, but I was excited to read the next chapter only to get this instead. It kind of dampens my excitement for the next one.

Jack

Feel like this would have landed better if it was posted right before the next chapter. Also the wording feels off to give this type of gimmick the feel you're trying to encapsulate I feel. Just the 2 words "it hurts" Would have been better. Phrasing and the words you use are incredibly important in a gimmick like this where there are so few words, so each one needs to be substantial. Using 4 out of the 6 words in the chapter explaining why there are no more words ("too much for words") significantly dampens the blow of the "it hurts" especially when the average intelligence reader doesn't need the "too much for words" to understand what's going on

Federico

Sleyca is Mean-mean

Prinny Knight

It’s Sunday, where’s the chapter Labowski! I want my chapter Labowski, patroon says your good for it!

Jack
>>112015960

I guess temp one doesn't fall under the "average intelligence readers" I was talking about, might wanna add a few more sentences for him, sleyca

Temp One
>>112018573

I'm guessing he's still writing at this point. Hope he doesn't rush it to meet a deadline though, as that can open up plot holes.

John Anastacio

Anyone else refreshing like crazy? I guess this is what Alden felt like, pressing the button on his LMTYL machine.

hmDrake
>>112018573

He writes a few chapters ahead of what actually gets posted.

Kingtie

Damn, thought there was a chapter. Disappointment

UpgrayeDD

"It hurt too much for words." Sleyca, Sleyca, Sleyca....... If your story hasn't taught your readers anything, it's that pain is ephemeral.... I'll rewrite your "chapter" for you. "Joe! You MTF! I thought you were expressing hyperbole. Mother, make it stop! Kibby, I'm so sorry! Stuart, run away! Primary, burn in Hell!"

Temp One
>>112018573

That sounds good! But he said he'd post Sunday morning, and it looks like in the past that means around 7am pacific time. We're close to 3 hours past that now, and I think the only cause for delay at that point would be that he isn't done with the chapter quite yet.

Meowgrr

Let me apologize for all the complainers :( thanks for the story!

HumbleBee
>>112023512

Yeah, i think it is fine to have suggestions but people have been really rude.

Sleyca
>>112018573

I'm about ten full chapters ahead of you guys at this point with the writing, but I do a full revision of each one before I post. This one was so long, the revision took a few hours. I'm still working on revising for the next one.

Sleyca
>>112018573

The revisions let me catch a lot of plot consistency problems before they become problems. Not all of them unfortunately! There are at least a couple of smallish plot things in early chapters I really need to fix on a full manuscript pass...I just have to find the time to do a thorough one.

Jeremy Goldberg

Honestly I appreciated the brevity. We already knew what rewards Alden was going to get at the end, and we knew he wouldn’t die. Given that, I feel like the suffering had no real stakes attached. With no real stakes, pages of purple prose describing this poor kid’s agony would have felt gratuitous to me.

Elessar Beverly

Hey Sleyca, just wanted to give some feedback on your approach for this chapter (tho I dunno if you'll see this). I think it'll work really well when binged, so i respect it. I don't agree with the wording though. the "it hurt too much for words" just feels like a 4th wall break even if its not what you're going for (Idk, something about the reference of words themselves) which is why a lot of people seemed to have thought this was a joke. I saw someone else mention this, but instead, I think it might be better if you go with either a small paragraph keeping things vague but detailing the experience, or just kept it simple as "It hurt" or "The pain was unimaginable" on the official release. TYFTC.

TS
>>112061724

I think we could have some ASCII text art showing 'hurts' in some dense text way.

Blind

Simple and poignant. I'm surprised to see the complaining in comments but also I started this when I didn't have to wait for the next chapter.

Cspiders

I was confused at first, but I really like the impact this has. Super understated and effective.

triad

i spent a minute trying to open this up lmao