(sfw) CRAZED! - Tartaglia's Chaotic Embrace! (Patreon)

SFW VERSION!

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Art:  (asked to be anonymous)

Script Writer: 401 & Seikyuu

401's links:

https://ko-fi.com/Y8Y56F5S // /codename401.newgrounds.com/

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Chaotic Embrace

Childe: Oh, it really must be destiny meeting you here, comrade. It’s almost as if I knew you’d be visiting your housing realm. I love what you did with the place by the way, it has attributes that remind me of my own quarters. Ahaha, as they say, mimicry is flattery. Now then, let’s talk abou- H-Hey! Are you walking away from me!?

Childe: Stop right there! You think you’re gonna just walk away-

-He grabs the listener’s hand-

Childe: Without giving me a kiss hello?

-He kisses the listener-

Childe: Where I come from, it’s really freaking cold. Didn’t think your heart would be that cold too!

Childe: Is something bothering you?

Childe: No? That’s good news but...

Childe: Geez...

Childe: You’re so mean, your boyfriend just came back from battle and you just strut away? I feel...so awful.

-He grows dramatic, hand on forehead-

Childe: Woe is me...a poor man down on his luck, fighting out there for the love of his life and his beloved just turns and walks the other way? What does a man do in these dark days...I could just fall down and cry. Hm? What’s this now? Suddenly she’s had a change of heart? She’s apologizing for her crude ways?

-He kisses her again-

Childe: Okay, I forgive you. I could never stay mad at that cute face of yours anyway. Thought I’d just be a bit of a dramatic romantic. But you knooooow, that doesn’t bother me because even though I’m kind of a bad guy.

-Childe pokes her face-

Childe: You, love, me~! So I just gotta tease you, boyfriend’s tease their girlfriends, cute jokes, little pokes, playing with toys, killing monsters, etcetera and even more~ Buuut, I just got home so...I’m exhausted. Huh? Yeah I said home. What about it?

Nothing? If you say so…

Anyway, I heard there’s a feast happening in Inazuma City right this minute. Not exactly sure what the occasion is but, Listen.

The plan is: You and me gotta eat as much as possible! I'm making sure you and I are nice and full because tomorrow I’m gonna be taking you with me to train on those violent looking islands we saw. Who knows what new beasts we’ll be able to slay there? HAhahhaha. I’m already so hyped up about it.

We can’t get stronger if you just stand here and look cute, not that I don’t like that, but I still rather your sword be right beside me, you know.

So let’s get going, I’m starved!

Childe: Glad to see you’re on board, Comrade! Now then...waypoint, waypoint, where’s the waypoint...

Childe: Ah. Here’s the waypoint.

Childe: Oh! Wanna see a trick?

Childe: Okay, watch this. First, you gotta get on my back.

Childe: Pervert?! Of course not! It’s just part of the trick! Come on! Believe me, Comrade. Here. Get on already.

Childe: Oof. Y-You didn’t have to jump on so suddenly.

Childe: Whatever, I like your playful side the most anyway,

Childe: There! 3 2 1! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(running)

CHILDE: TELEPORT!

(Teleport)

(Air)

Childe: Aha! Woo! FEEL THAT WIND! I found a way to put a waypoint way up high! Like this, it’s a shortcut! Huh? Why are we doing this? Why! We’re gonna skip the line!

Childe: Right there! Hold on tight!

(CRASH) (crowd gasp) (banquet music)

Childe: Phew. I really didn’t think it would go all according to plan like that!

Childe: Ah...this looks so damn good! My stomach’s rumbling and I’m just looking and smelling it, I’m just ready, So so ready! I’m digging in!!

-Childe starts eating quickly, a few laughs escaping him-

Childe: Hm? C’mon, eat up! I can’t just watch you take your time. Huh? The crowd of people are staring? Tch. Don’t worry about them, we got a table fair and square!

And my mouth isn’t full. I can talk all I want!

Hmm? Hurry, eat! If you don’t, I’m gonna have that delicious looking thing for myself~! You don’t want that. Especially with how hungry I am... maybe I’ll go beyond food, maybe I’ll just go for something even better. You yourself are looking pretty tasty right now~...

I’m joking! I’m joking! Go ahead and eat peacefully, I’ll be right here.

[Voice Over Eating Sounds]

“Oh, Comrade, I know you don’t want to listen to Mukbang for 20 minutes straight so let me wrap this up for you.”

[DJ rip]

(Childe lets out a happy sigh-)

Childe: Oh...that was perfect! I’m so happy I got to eat this meal with ya. Almost like a date, in preparation for a date! Sigh, If the food wasn’t so plentiful, I would’ve taken you somewhere fancier, less people, maybe even dress up. The works you know?

Kinda too late to say, but...I’ve been getting these weird feelings recently. Like...I wanna have the memory of you eating with me all to myself. Have your best smiles only for myself too. Hmm? What are your best smiles like?

Oh easily the ones where you’re having fun, and...the ones before you sleep too. Speaking of which, I’m ready to crash though, let’s head back to my room, I wanna get a good snuggle in with my favorite girl.

Huh? The bill? It’s not all-you-can-eat?? Uhh...Tell ya what, I’ll take care of it later! I’ll put it on my tab for now, and...look at the numbers some other time...aha...ha...Right now, there’s something more important on my mind…

(grab hand)

Childe: Teleport...

(tP)

-heading over to the room-

Childe: And we’re home.

(Sit down on bed)

Childe: I’ll tell ya, being out there for days at a time can do a lot to a man, I’m surprised I didn’t come back a madman drenched in blood...then again, I think I may already be a madman, kind of... a bad guy you know?

Hm? What do you mean those aren’t the same thing...pfft, yeah right.

If you look up the word “bad guy” in the dictionary, you’ll see my name written there in wax.

Everyone has goals. Grand ones that take years, short ones for every day, the difference between bad guys and good guys is that bad guys will do whatever they can do to get what they want. And you know what I want?

I want to take over the entire world. From Snezhnaya to Inazuma, and every inch of earth in between. The only thing that’s changed is that I want you to be there by my side when I do.

Ahaha, you know, you’re getting yourself into trouble being with someone like me, bad guys do a lot of things with their girlfriends after not seeing them for a while, some really really naughty things~d

-Childe pins her to the wall-

Childe: Getting all close like this, leaning in juuuust enough to feel the soft amount of breath against their ear, then just letting them do this.

-Childe blows some air against her ear-

Childe: Making them shiver and get all flustered, making their faces all bright red like a little tomato, then just gently taking a hold of her hand and leaning against their face...just getting so close...and then…

-He kisses her quickly-

Childe: Back away and make it like it didn’t happen. Heh~! What’s with that face, I’m teasing you too much? Hehehe, maybe I like teasing you. Seeing your that reddened face you make only for me.  I love it actually, seeing that little pouty face of yours when I make you upset,I could just pinch those cheeks of yours. Just too cute for your own good! But I guess you’re right, I do tease you too much, maybe I should go ahead and do this for real, but trust me, the moment I get you in my arms like this, there’s no going back, bad guys like me are really into the rough stuff…

Hey. There’s something I want to do. Right now.

And it’s something that I swear noone will get in my way for.

Wanna guess what it is?

-He pins her again-

That’s right, because it’s the Youtube Version, we’re gonna go watch Markiplier videos. Oh I wonder what three scary games he’ll play today!