Update (Patreon)

I’m so sorry I haven’t checked in sooner. I’ve been dealing with some really overwhelming medical issues since getting sick back in March. Between that, and some very difficult personal/family challenges (mostly related to the pandemic) I honestly just haven’t been able to manage much of anything for a few months now. I’ve barely even spoken to any of my extended family members for some time. I’m … reasonably, relatively okay? I feel pretty vulnerable talking about it, but for a while I was just very scared about what was going on with me medically, and the process of going through all these specialists has been taking so long. It felt like the only way to get through each day and be there for my kids was to think as little about all my pain and my symptoms as possible. The old, “Ignore the bully and they’ll leave you alone,” philosophy. Any time I sat down and tried to talk about it with my family, or my friends from my private life, or with any of you, I just got too overwhelmed, too scared, and shut down. I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable thinking and talking about it, since the testing I’ve done has ruled out the conditions that I was most afraid of. And I found a doctor I really like. And I’ve gotten one treatment so far that seems to be making a big dent most of my more alarming symptoms.

I finally logged back in to YT after learning that mid-roll ads had been automatically inserted into all videos over 8 minutes. My anger over YouTube forcing me to sit down and manually change the ad settings for about 300 videos, one at a time, during a period in which I least had the time and energy to spare, did at least provide me with enough of an adrenaline surge to finally have the courage to read some of your comments for the first time in a long time. Even before then, I knew that a lot of you were probably worried about me, and, regardless of the circumstances, I’m truly very sorry that I haven’t been able to be there for you all in the way that I want to be and in the way that you deserve.

I don’t have much else to share at the moment. I can tell you that I miss you, and that I miss making videos for you, very much. I’ve never, for a moment, thought about quitting, but I also just don’t have any kind of plan in place yet that would allow me to tell you whether I’m likely to be back in a couple of weeks or a couple of months. I’m currently just trying to put all my focus into the work of getting better.

I really do love you, and I love what we’ve created here together. Please know that I’m working hard to fight my way back every day. In the meantime, please take good care of yourself. You’re wonderful, and you deserve it.

Love,

Lola