Modern Monster Girl Health Advisory - Kappa (Patreon)

Family: Sahagin

Subtype: Aquatic

Habitat: Watery areas like rivers and marshes, now often found around public and private pools

Profession: Professional childhood friend? Kindergarten teacher

Disposition: Strong willed and cheerful

Diet: Omnivorous but prefers cucumbers

As one of the most relatable human looking monster girls, Kappas have easily integrated themselves into human society. Originally hailing from Zipangu, their society has evolved alongside humanity for thousands of years, engaging in trade and infrastructure similar to modern day Japan, outside of the use of waterways instead of roads to better facilitate their webbed feet and aptitude for swimming.

As one of the first to adapt human culture, many have come to be known as ‘eternal childhood friends’ across several generations due to their long lifespans and the intermingling with human children. This false sense of security however should be overlooked as this is how Kappa mark their future partners.

Unlike human development, Kappa maturity occurs spontaneously over one molting cycle. They often start to eat a tremendous amount, building their bulk over a short period of time which causes their bodies to swell tremendously. Coupled with the immediate availability of processed foods of the modern era, this has resulted in many Kappa reaching spontaneous maturity sooner than others, which has resulted in a repeat of this cycle again and again following failed and renewed relationships.

Modern dating applications we use today are actually based on algorithms devised by Kappa who had attempted to time their mating cycles and compatibility with partners to take full advantage of the rainy season of their homeland. This has not changed since transitioning to modern society as the typhoon season of the subtropics also forces an extreme desire to mate and mature, particularly when their bodies are wet.

Extremely ‘predatory’ Kappa may purposely try to expand themselves on purpose to maximize this surface area, exposing as much skin as possible while wearing barely legal bikinis as they lounge by the edge of pools or water parks. One must therefore be very cautious when approaching overweight Kappa women.

Kappa size can sometimes be directly related to overall relationship ‘experience’ received over time. This does not necessarily translate to total number of partners which a Kappa may  have had, but rather the total amount of affection she has given and received in return. It has become a distinguishing factor for many who look to purposefully date Kappa through match making services and are one of the few liminal subtypes that might have anticipated obesity as a part of their societal integration. It is entirely possible that this may have occured within their own culture before the intervention of humans.

That being said, Kappa pride themselves on their capacity to make dates enjoyable and take great pleasure in sharing ‘fun times’ with adults in much the same way they had as children. It is believed that this is a core component of their mating ritual, attempting to evoke feelings of nostalgia and to help prospective partners fall deeper in love with them of their own accord. While some have suggested that this may be a byproduct of hypnosis, either from their sheer size or by staring into pools of water for far too long, there is no definitive evidence to highlight this outcome one way or another.

Controlled testing is now being undertaken in select speed dating groups in order to examine whether Kappa size has a direct correlation to the production of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone, produced within the brain.

This file will be updated, pending the outcome of those results.

Should you find yourself ensnared by a Kappa, the dishes on their heads are known weak points. If it dries up, not only will she lose strength, but she will also become extremely controllable in exchange for fluids.

Experimentation of what the dish can be filled with has discovered that sugary drinks have a similar effect to being filled with water, but has an extreme propensity towards causing Kappa obesity as they absorb and even seem to multiply the nutrients exposed at these sites. Mischievous and well meaning human children alike have therefore been known to unwittingly spurr Kappa obesity levels by filling these areas with readily available vending machine sodas, sparking immediate molting and acquiring an overweight girlfriend or future wife for life.