⛤ November Q&A (Patreon)

we interrupt our nightly chores to fulfill our duties to provide a warm lap for the senior kitizen... and also to answer your questions. I am making two treats tonight - condensed milk bread (gotta use up that can of condensed milk that's been in the fridge for a month) and an order of vegan cookies. did you know that brown sugar isn't, in fact, vegan? yeah. I learned that recently. so I made a special vegan orange marmalade with all beet sugar. I hope it works out, mostly because my brown sugar marmalade genuinely tastes better. and also because Jack brought me a tub of margarine that has 27% fat. 27%! butter has 80% fat. that's a long shot off from 27. the kinds of things you have to look into when you're trying to replace butter in a recipe are nothing short of absurd. but oh well. if it's shit, it's pie crust 🤷‍♀️ you know what's never pie crust? your monthly questions!

Ally if you were a film director what kind of films would you rather be making? comedies. comment if you expected me to say horror! I think comedy would be more fun to make. now I'm nothing even close to a director, I'm just going off of what I like to put in my vlogs. all I got is moody shit and amusing one liners and rants. oh god that's the most aries thing I've ever heard in my life. 

Did you and Jack do something fun for Halloween? nah. the weather kinda threw our plans for a fun Halloween overboard so we ended up staying home and watching shitty horror movies. why are almost all horror movies so fucking bad? who makes this shit? all I want is a good scare and maybe be able to sit through one movie without wanting to murder every single character my damn self.

Does Jack have any favorite steam games? Diablo III. lol he's been playing it a lot lately but other than that I also see him play project zomboid. He cycles through games occasionally. last year it was factorio and oxygen not included. 

Ally I’m curious, did you have a dream job growing up? I've never aspired to labor lol. I've only ever wanted to follow my passions but most of my life I've been told there's no such work where I can do what I'm good at and my talents are useless and if I don't get my shit together and conform to societal norms and do what people want from me I'm going nowhere in life. I liked to write and I liked to paint and I liked to sing and I liked to act but in Germany the general consensus is "that's not a job" and also "you have to go to school for 10 more years to get credentials before you can even think about doing what makes you happy" and also "what makes you think you got what it takes?". I've always admired the kids who knew what they wanted to be growing up. A vet? A firefighter? A famous actress? I busied myself with no such concern. A blindly confident child, I always just assumed I'll figure it out later. I'm glad I fell into ASMR because I literally get to write and paint and sing and act and do all the things they always said I could never do. 

Ally It is very tragic Indeed that it was our father’s death that brought me and my oldest sister back together again after two years of estrangement which brings up feelings of regret, guilt and if I made the right choice with my father three years ago. This might sound a bit morbid but I wrote him a message on facebook saying everything is forgiven. I'm sure he appreciates the message. death offers a lot of perspective on people in your life and relationships and that goes for both parties. hopefully you can make peace with your remaining family members and turn over a new leaf. it is, however too late for past regret and too soon for future regret. the only regret you should ever worry about is present regret. ask yourself what kind of relationship you want to have with your family and work towards that. 

Hey Ally, how is your mental health and overall health been? hmm. it's been all over the place. by myself I'm fine, dealing with my daily challenges but managing. on the other hand I'm heavily affected by Jack's wellbeing and it triggers me a lot more than I would like. he worries about money a lot as groceries are getting more and more expensive and we have 5 jobs between us and are just about breaking even. somehow I take this personal. I feel like if I could only care less about my art and just put out regular content we'd be doing better and he'd be ok. I feel like I failed him and it's crushing me. that's the only thing I struggle with mentally at the moment. everything else has actually been getting better. I found out I have hypermobile joints and the bones in my wrists like to come apart and that's why I can't grip things right. all my life I've been told I'm just "weak" and "really unfit" but ha - turns out there's a real medical reason why I can't open jars or use monkey bars. not looking forward to the seasonal affective disorder on the horizon, either. pray I'll make it through the winter. 

Ally, since I know you like to dance to your music at times, what does your dancing look like can you describe it? It's more like trance-esque swaying than actual dancing. I have no grace or coordination to dance-dance. I "dance" like a fish in water. the music carries my limbs every which way. I am floating in space, stretching and writhing and feeling the melodies wash over me. 

When are you making another girlfriend asmr? I told you the next time you ask that I'm going to block you so get fucked.

I hope you enjoyed this read once again, if you have any follow up questions I will publish a new post promptly and hopefully not forget about it and randomly remember next week that I only intended to post the post and didn't actually post it. I have to go fold laundry, stick some bread in the oven and roll some cookies. remember to wear sunscreen, drink water and resist people telling you how to live. only you know what you want.