⛤ February Q&A (Patreon)

And good day to you! A few days have passed since I started this post - it was late at night and I was tired. Today, with fresh energy, I shall continue answering your questions, accompanied by a purring cat who just can't bear not getting attention for a few minutes and my third cup of coffee to fuel me through my already quite productive morning. I spent the first two hours of my day altering a pair of jeans I bought from goodwill, made the waist tighter. It isn't easy to find a pair of pants that fit my curvy bone structure so I am happy when I find a garment that only needs minor adjustments. Another piece of good news - my precious lap baby's water fountain should be arriving today. Even though we provide her with fresh, crystal charged water daily, she prefers running water and has been waking us up multiple times a night to turn the faucet in the bathroom on for her for as long as I can remember. She is, however, not very good at drinking from the faucet and tends to get a wet head every time she tries. Hopefully this new fountain will allow her to enjoy the stream of water she clearly desires and let us sleep through the night. I really do not exaggerate when I say we give her everything. She is now very comfortable in my lap after enjoying some pettings and I am mentally preparing for the next productive thing - finishing this post. These were your questions...

Do you usually have like a theme in mind when you decide which tattoos you’re gonna get? Yes, sort of. All my tattoos are sentimental and/or have spiritual significance. I want to continue this trend, as I do not see myself putting ink on my body that I do not 100% want as part of me on every level. 

Ally If you don’t mind I’m seeking a bit of advice as to how I’m gonna move on after severing the ties with my father? To the best of my knowledge both my sisters are on speaking terms with him so I’ll mostly likely be forced to endure his presence in the same room, doing my best to ignore him though. Juggling cutting out one member of your family while maintaining contact with the rest of the family is always a struggle. Most often, it is impossible - and for most people it means losing their whole family. I don't recommend this as isolation is deadly, but how you approach this situation should always be in favor of your mental and physical wellbeing. For as long as your family remains on speaking terms with your father, it will be a delicate balancing of the scales. How much does dealing with your father stress you out vs how much do you value the rest of your family. Some people (me) find that contact with their family generally adds nothing to their life, barring stress and frequent boundary violations, and will move to a different continent and refuse to tell anyone where they live. Other people will be quite attached to some members of their family they have a close bond with and won't be willing to give that up for the sake of avoiding a toxic person. As for moving on, the fact that you still occasionally interact with your father implies that ties have not been severed. You may be working to create emotional and physical distance between you, but moving on from something that is still actively happening is not a thing. In your situation, I would start by paying attention to your needs and feelings everytime you are invited to see your family. Feel like seeing your mother and your niece? Go. Dreading a gathering because your father might be there? Don't go. Feel sociable and outgoing? Go. Stressed out and need peace? Don't go. Honoring your feelings in that way should take some amount of stress and pressure off, however, I want to stress that seeing your family should not be an obligation. You don't have to go just because you are asked/invited. You don't have to consider anybody's feelings if everybody else won't consider yours. You have to worry about how you are doing mentally and emotionally and that has to be the most important thing. Maybe you could start asking other members of your family whom you trust whether or not your father will attend a gathering and decide based on that. You must honor your boundaries, even if others won't. It is ok to live with the integrity of staying true to your boundaries. Your own peace of mind will always be worth it. I think this careful weighing of your options when it comes to your family will enable you to recognize your own boundaries and values, what matters to you and what doesn't, and will help you make the decisions that are most in line with your peace and wellbeing in the long run. Hope this helps.

Do you like piano music? Yes, I listen to quite a bit of instrumental and piano music while I do things around the house. Music is a highly underrated part of ambiance - it has a way of creating a certain atmosphere and putting people in a certain headspace without them even realizing. Sounds flood the room and are perceived on every level of your being. That's why noise pollution is such a debilitating issue in more populated areas. But beautiful sounds will put you in a beautiful mood and the harmonious strums of piano strings elevate every day mundane things to precious moments that want to be enjoyed. Music has the power to remind us that life is to be lived and not merely observed. I love it for the way it makes us come alive. 

Do you like Andrea Bocelli? Never heard of them.

Did you grow up watching The Addams family? No. My mother wouldn't let me watch anything gothic or fun or anything she deemed "stupid". Though, "stupid", in her mind, was merely a word to describe anything that challenged her narrow-minded view of the world, which, according to her, should only be filled with roses and puppies and vintage Russian children's TV music. This is the same person who claims that all music written and performed by Evanescence is "of the devil" and the one root cause of my mental troubles. Of course, it's the music! Not a lifetime of her blatant narcissistic abuse. I am awestruck at the shallowness a person like her manages, nay, insists on existing in. Almost as awestruck as I am at the willingness of my father, a self-appointed "spiritually awakened" human being, to enable this way of living to the point of defending it against the one person who is sane enough to see through both of their shit. It is the parents' responsibility to raise their children better than them. It is the child's responsibility to be better than their parents. I take that responsibility quite seriously. And though we may never find common ground, I'm sure they're happy I'm doing quite better than them, on my own. 

Did you collect Pokemon cards growing up? I think I tried for a while but never managed to accumulate quite as many cards as when I got into Yu-Gi-Oh! 

Do you like puffed rice cakes? Yes. They have so many varieties, I especially like the sweet flavored crispy ones that you can snack on like chips. Apple cinnamon and salted caramel are some good flavors for rice cakes. The plain ones are a bit, well, plain, but you can make some nice sandwiches with them by adding some butter and lunch meat, maybe a little cucumber. 

Do you like cantuccini? Also yes. Over here we call them biscotti. Some of the most iconic Italian cookies, right there with amarettini. Last year I had pumpkin spice biscotti for the first time, since come September in the USA, every food you know magically has pumpkin spice added to it. I have ordered pumpkin spice lattes as late as February, and I'm sure many places serve them year round. Americans are really quite good at adding "trendy" flavors to classic treats.

Do you have any favorite renaissance artists? I do not. Much like with books, I enjoy art for the inspiration it provides and do not generally remember the artist. You can call me many things, but you can't call me snobbish. I want to surround myself with beautiful things, but I pay no mind to the name behind them. 

What is the most bullshit animal in the world? I’ll go first: Whales. What is it about whales that would put it as the most bullshit animal in the world? I'll nominate mosquitoes. Maybe flies. Both of which serve no recognizable purpose other than to be annoying and spread disease. I wonder if there are any positives to these creatures existing at all. Though I lean towards the notion that nature and evolution do not strive for a purpose, but seeks to become as frivolous a thing as possible while still managing to maintain life. Nature, itself, has the soul of an artist.

What are your favorite pies? One thing that makes me fit right in with Americans is my undying love for pie. There are so many varieties, and I have yet to try enough of them to determine a favorite. I love fruit pies, meat pies, savory and sweet pies, (you read that in the melody of Mrs. Lovett's meat pies), creamy pies, nutty pies, all pies are my favorite pies. 

Why do you enjoy planting, if anything? The act itself is so beautiful and tranquil. You gather dirt, you sow a seed, you put it in and leave it be. Then, magic happens. When the time and place is right, the seed awakens and the life within it burrows out of the ground and into the sun to meet the world. To become what it is. It is a beautiful experience to watch the smallest seedling become a healthy plant - and a tasty one at best! I sowed some purple basil over the winter as it is the one herb you can easily grow indoors and now I have three little plants that have already been harvested (pruned) once and are sprouting infinite amounts of leaves. And recently I learned that you can plant green onion from the supermarket so I am now growing my own green onion at home. Maybe this spring I'll try my hand at tomatoes or green beans. And for my non-culinary houseplants, I just love being surrounded by vegetation. It adds such good energy to the home, but grown plants tend to be quite expensive, so I buy little babies from the nursery and raise them myself. Though I would love a grown bamboo palm or parlor palm for the dining room. But we should work on that dining table first, I think. 

Have you seen a Netflix show from 2020 called Dracula? I don't think so. Though we sample so many different shows before we find one that we like enough to continue watching, so we may have seen (part of) the first episode and then forgot about it.

Those were all your questions from February, thank you for your maintained interest in my life. Time is really getting away from me lately and all of you seem to be quite busy yourselves. But I hope you enjoyed the time you took out of your day for this read and as always, another questions post will be available here shortly. I will have more content for you soon but until then, knock yourselves out with this one. Stay healthy