⛥February Q&A (Patreon)

Good morning! I hope you're all doing ok considering. I'm running on caffeine and snacks today but damn life needs to chill on the trauma triggers cause I am tired of dealing with severe psychological distress while moving. Just a part of life and golden opportunity to reevaluate if I should even exist or if all I do is cause people unnecessary pain with my inconvenient trauma. Maybe I need to chill on the obsidian elixir. Anybody else dealing with trigger after trigger this month? Oh, only everybody? Yeah. Y'all not alone. No matter how much pain you're in, people understand - we all understand. You don't have to pretend you're OK while suffering in silence - it only postpones the pain. But at least soon I won't have to deal with all this baggage (haha) alone in an environment that is so toxic that even my reserved elderly German neighbor is shouting out her window that these kids can go die. I'm beat. And I'm just trying to check off the tasks I have to complete for the last portion of my stay in this cursed country. So I see you had some questions. Wow ok, you had way more than some questions! Here we go.

I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while could you please explain what the process looks like when you send people healing energy? I visualize the person in a bubble of colorful light (color depends on what I think they need) with the intention of channeling healing energy to them. I watch the light grow stronger, sometimes zooming in to the area where it is needed, sometimes boosting the intention with affirmations or prayers. The most common colors I like to use are green, white and gold but also blue and purple for a more calming and protective energy. This works best if I have seen a picture of the person or have had physical contact with them but any defining information can be enough to establish a connection. Patreon is making it real easy these days by telling me when each patron joined ([yourname], your patron since [mm/yyyy]), so that's what I've been using to "address" spells to users who may be more private, not using their real name etc. It works fine with petitions, not so much with visualization of specific details where a photo or energy signature (aura) is still the most helpful channel but I make do by visualizing the silhouette of a person and the unsername written in that silhouette, addressing the energy to "the person known as user x". Most people who don't have wards up are inherently open to receiving energy of any kind. Hope this helps.

Have you ever seen a medical drama called House M.D? No, medical dramas have always been kinda boring to me - with the exception of Being Human which is technically a supernatural/fantasy/drama but a good bit takes place in a hospital so that's good enough for me. 

Have you seen Transcendence? You know what I think we have. It rings a bell but, well, we've seen so much sci fi movies and they're all kinda the same so it's hard to tell them apart.

Have you seen any movies starring Heath Ledger? Dude I might not have. I've heard the name and the face is kinda familiar but I may have actually dodged every single movie the guy was in. 

What kind of hair accessories do you usually prefer to use? I don't like hair accessories as they give me a headache but sometimes I like to braid feathers and flowers into my hair so I guess hair ties is all I ever use.

Which kitchen appliance do you use the most? Immersion blender. Makes super fast frothy milk for cappuccinos.

Besides Denmark, have you been to any other Scandinavian countries? No, Denmark was as far north as I've ever been. 

What do you do when you’re bored out of your mind? Dye my hair or something really impulsive and unnecessary. Sounds questionable but hear me out - I overthink my entire life and I can't even tell you the extent because you would actually go insane hearing the weight I place on the smallest decisions. But the basic problem I have is this: Everything I do has to serve a certain purpose (at least one!) and I structure all of my decisions based on potential uses for it in the future. Example: I need this ingredient for this meal but if I use this ingredient for this meal then I can't use it for the other meal that is also an option - and then I start calculating all the possible ingredient combinations of everything I have in my fridge, ranking them by convenience, ranking them by what spoils the fastest, ranking them by nutrition, calculating my budget, calculating how soon I can go shopping again, calculating what other meals I can use other ingredients for the various meals for, approximating the amounts of each ingredient I may need for a potential meal, approximating how many meals I'll need until I can go shopping again, asking myself what I feel like having, comparing that against my perishable ranking, approximating the spoilage of things I've already made, approximating my personal protein needs based on everything I've consumed in the last 3 days, comparing the deliciousness of leftovers vs what I think I could be having, all to make one seemingly simple decision: What's for dinner? And I do this with an absurd amount of things including what to wear (if I use this shirt now I won't be able to use it again this week, what if I need it for a video, what if I feel like wearing it later, what am I gonna do in it, how fast will it get smelly, if I wash it in the shower will it dry fast enough for when I need it), how to do my makeup and hair, what to spend the next hour or two doing, what to drink, what spell to cast, what to use resources for (if I use this bottle as a candle holder, I can't use it as a vase), everything is intertwined like that and I drive myself completely nuts trying to make the best decisions at all times regarding everything as if my life depends on it. That's why I tend to do the same familiar things in the same familiar ways to save some brain cells making decisions. However, I am also quite easily bored and because I'm so stuck doing the same familiar things in the same familiar ways, I have to do something very drastic and new to pull myself out of my own head and feel alive again. So I dye my hair to get some new vibes into my aura, dance in the rain, go somewhere I've never been, get drunk for no reason (I usually drink to either celebrate, enhance my spell work or numb my brain because I'm hypersensitive and trying not to have a nervous breakdown) - just do anything wild and spontaneous that serves no purpose whatsoever to bring relief from the constant pressure to perform and do everything to the best of my ability. I need help lmao. 

Do you have any paintings in your apartment? Yes, I love to paint and enhance my environment with beautiful art. Though I have more photos than paintings as photography takes less effort - the subjects do most of the work for you - when I make something I'm particularly in love with, I like to display it. I am in the process of taking everything down at the moment seeing as how I'm relocating to a different continent but within the next few months I'd love to show you my art projects!

Have you ever wanted to use a spell to cause harm or negative effects on another person? Oh, hell YES. On more than one occasion I've wanted to take revenge on people who wronged me and got away with it. Ever since I was very small, I've been painfully aware that justice only exists in TV and that in real life, no one punishes the bad guys for doing bad things. And I've wanted so bad for the bad guys to get punished for doing bad things. But karma doesn't exist in the way that people make it out. It's not do bad things = get hurt. Not even a little. Innocent people get hurt because the bad guys manipulate their way out of any and all responsibility and I feel a strong calling to become karma for those reasons. However, I draw the line at blocking and returning ill intent, as I know my being cannot handle the overtly evil forces it takes to inflict harm directly. An eye for an eye is as far as I'm willing to go.  

Please name 3 countries you absolutely *never* would want to live in- politics aside, just the cultural and social factors and climate. Russia - fuck that corrupt shithole. Germany - fuck all the stuck up pricks with that rude ass hostile ass attitude towards anyone who deviates slightly from social norms. Saudi Arabia - fuck that witch hunting women hating abusive ass system. Sure, some of these don't seem like the worst places to live. I've just personally about had it with the less positive aspects of them. 

Mercury retrograde. You say you seem to feel things astrologically deeper than most and Mercury retrograde gets a lot of the blame. What proportion of this seems genuinely attributable, and what proportion is your personal 'bad shits happened I'm gonna blame mercury retrograde, 'coz I can!'? The line is blurry at best. I feel everything deeper than most and, if anything, I pay more attention to correlations between astrological transits and my own emotions and experiences aswell as the experiences of people I speak to. If we're talking mercury rx then I know what life areas it can affect and to not panic when electronics "break" during that time (sometimes they magically fix themselves later) or when misunderstandings occur on every corner. It's not so much blaming mishaps on mercury rx as it is trying to find explanations for peculiar patterns that don't make sense any other way. When I feel off, I usually ask others if they feel similarly. If the feedback I guess is yes, something's off, and there's no direct answer like "I am stir crazy because there's been a pandemic for a year straight and my social life is non-existent", then I look up transits and see if the stars suggest that shit might be off. If the feedback is no, I'm the only one feeling off, then I assume it's a me issue. But if everyone I talk to is like "dude this past month or two in particular has been emotional torture" then I'm like well it has to be something affecting all of us at the same time cause this is too sus for all of us to be going through the same thing at the same time and not have an acute physical or environmental cause linking all of it. But it is a process to sort through any issue I'm facing and try to make sense of it. Is it the stars, is it the collective or is it paranoia? Because I'm influenced by all three. It probably takes more than one lifetime to understand the cause and effect of everything. 

I’m curious the tattoo you have below your neck, does it mean anything particular if you don’t mind me asking? Oh, this one? 

That sigil belongs to Jack, as I belong to him. 

Have you seen Pirates of the Carribbean? No. I probably should though, to take inspiration for Dirty Flirty Fran.

What’s your favourite flavour when it comes to Baileys? Salted caramel. Salted caramel is superior. 

Have you heard of a YouTube channel called my Journey to be seizurefree? No, I don't suffer from seizures so I've never had a reason to search for that type of content.

You’ve mentioned you had a dog before. What kind of dog was it? A Pekingese. Someone said he might have had autism. I didn't know dogs could have autism. He did start getting seizures as he got older though. His story was my mother wanted a male Pekingese for her female Pekingese to make money off of breeding them (yeah she's that kinda crazy bitch - luckily it never worked out), but she never paid attention to him so he bonded with me and then my unstable ass was stuck caring for his needy ass for 7 years straight. I did pretty good until he eventually passed away from his congenital heart failure. But my time with him was when I learned I am a cat person. Even though I love dogs, caring for them full time, especially the anxious needy ones, is too detrimental to my mental health. It's also why I'm not a kid person lol. Not a fan of critters who depend on me for absolutely everything. Or people for that matter.

What kind of massage do you like best? I love all massages (I'm always super tense) but foot massages make me feel like a new person. So therapeutic. If you've never had one, try massaging your feet! You can do it while watching a show or winding down at night - a little patchouli or sandalwood oil enhances the relaxation - and watch how it changes your posture, alignment, balance and wellbeing. We rely on our feet so much yet it is one of the most neglected body parts! And taking care of it makes the biggest difference for me. 

Have you read Chronicles of Ancient Darkness? No, doesn't even ring a bell.

What’s your favourite snack? Yes.

I love your pentacle necklace but what does the symbol mean to you? As an eclectic witch, the symbol represents lots of things to me (and, admittedly, changes meanings depending on what happens to serve my practice the most at any given time) - the 5 elements, the Earth element, protection, the upright standing man... But most importantly in my particular case, it's a vessel for my stunning guardian spirit. Most people don't know that and that's fine (though it puzzles me how y'all can not see his bright purple aura?!) but I take pleasure in confusing people by calling the necklace my demon killer. Because that's essentially what he does. So don't be sus! 

How old were you when you moved to Germany? I was 3. 

Which colour have you never used to dye your hair? That's a tough one. I think the only ones left are like aqua and lavender. And yellow if you excuse the fact that I mix it with green to achieve the shade of mossy green I like. 

Have you seen Game of Thrones? No. I know it's weird that I haven't seen any of the shit everyone else has lol I only have so much time between making videos and and recovering from making videos so I can make more videos.

When you record your massage roleplays how do you create the sound of hands massaging skin? Pretty straightforward, I massage skin with my hands. My thighs usually serve as a substitute for your back and my hands and wrists your neck. Afterwards I always have to shower because to get decently audible sounds I have to use a lot of oil so I'm always a slick mofo at the end of a sound effect session.

In your toss or keep video do you have the ritual bath video running on your laptop in the background? Yes. 

I seem to recall you mentioning you find listening to rain relaxing which brings me to my question how do you feel about thunderstorms? I love thunderstorms. Must be my Sag rising but I always get so much energy from the electricity in the air during a thunderstorm. I am the personification of "so you wanna go out cause it's raining and blowing". 

How's the move going? And are you expecting to miss anything in particular? Faster and faster and faster! Lol we had to change the moving date around a few times. But I'm pretty happy I get to leave a little sooner than expected. 

Have you heard Marilyn Manson’s version of This is Halloween if so what did you think of it? I'm not sure I have or at least not actively listened. Been a while since Marilyn Manson was cool and I don't think we'll ever see that day again! But his music will always be iconic.

Not a question, but it doesn't get said enough here: "Thanks, Jack." Jack says "uhhh for what tho" 

Have people you’ve worked with ever taken you for granted and just assumed you’ll do their work for them? No. I've never been in a position where people even trusted me with their work lol. Even though I've always done my work well, people are either scared of me or vastly underestimate my capabilities. They wouldn't let me do anything I wasn't specifically assigned. The only time a coworker took me for granted and took advantage of me was when she moved out of this complex and I kindly let her store some of her furniture in my basement cell as they were in between leases and they refused to come get it for almost a year straight. The audacity of that bitch. Otherwise, idk why, but people always liked to assume I couldn't possibly have anything of value to contribute and wanted nothing to do with me. 

Did you have a bean bag chair growing up? No, my room was far too small for bulky furniture like that.

Do you have any ideas already brewing for ways you'll incorporate your new home and surroundings into an ASMR video? I always have ideas brewing, but not specifically for my new home. I mean, thus far we don't even have furniture barring a bed and two night stands. I will have a filming room so it'll be nice to not have all my props and expensive electronics standing around where a hyper kitty could easily run into them and knock them over. Everything else I need I will have to accumulate over time. I do plan on employing a camera guy but he's gonna need some training in lighting and angles or else I'm gonna need to get real good at posing from all angles. 

Have you ever dreamt two consecutive dreams during the same night? You mean woke up, went back to sleep and picked up where the dream left off? Yeah I'm sure that happened to me.

How much experience do you have with paranormal activity? A little. I am very interested in the paranormal (especially demonology) so I go out of my way to learn about it but my real life experience isn't all that much. It may seem that way as I seem to have a natural talent for removing attachments from people (and, well, have a history of being attracted to broken people who attract attachments) but I've never lived in a haunted house, gone ghost hunting, purchased a haunted object or anything. I have had friends who were into witchcraft for a short period then decided it wasn't for them and lots who were scared of even orbs and anything nonphysical. I've dealt with one person who was possessed and wouldn't let me help them for shit, driven entities out of my home by loving them like I'm fucking Sailor Moon or some sappy shit but it really works - and beyond that I've only encountered rogue entities very infrequently, even less so since I've had Sai. Kinda wish it was part of my life more but on the other hand I'm not sure I want the extra responsibility. 

If you had a supernatural power what would it be? Well you didn't ask what supernatural power I want so I assume you're asking what power I'd be most likely to have based on my personality. My first guess would be healing or some boring shit. Jack says it would probably be a siren song or something to put people to sleep. I think he's on to something!

That's it for today, I hope you found my answers as interesting as I found your questions. If you have any more the next question dump will be available in March. I'm looking forward to what you come up with! Thank you all so much for your well wishes and I can't wait to post from my new home :)

Cheers