⛥August Q&A⛥ (Patreon)

Hello and happy September! I started writing this post yesterday but then I got interrupted by bridges I should have burned a long time ago stealing my energy and focus. I hope you didn't mind waiting for the answers to your questions :)

Here they are:

Have you ever thought about doing a collab with other ASMRtist? If so, who do want to collab? I've given it some thought but quickly dismissed it because A) who the hell would want to work with me? and B) out of those who might consider working with me, who could tolerate me? Point A is easily explained - I'm an outcast even in my own community. I feel like most people I'd want to collab with don't know I exist, and if they did, they'd be ashamed to be seen with a freak like me. More than that, I get the impression that other artists don't care about me. No one ever even tags me in their stupid games. I feel left out. Like the cooties kid of the ASMR scene. Point B is just my fault and mine alone - I am extremely particular about way too many things. Everytime I've had to work with someone previously, albeit not related to ASMR, I ended up either bulldozed by the group and not really a part of anything or voted out of the group for trying to bulldoze what everyone else wanted. So in my head there's only two ways this can play out: Scenario 1 - I collab with someone and try to accommodate them and it doesn't turn out how I want it and I end up hating it forever. Scenario 2 - I inevitably try to dominate and perfect the project but make the other person feel like they're not really contributing. I know the impossible standards I hold myself to and I'd hate nothing more than to make someone else feel the same pressure and like they can't ever be good enough. Or the other way around - they're perfect and I fuck everything up cause I can't get my shit together. Since you're asking who, I really like ASMRuby and Goodnight Moon - though between those two I'd feel like the ugly untalented cousin which is depressing. I know I don't compare but I wish I did. So in order for a collab to happen I'd have to find someone who's a close enough match to me that it can work out without too many complaints. 

What songs would you recommend at the moment? My Girlfriend's Girlfriend - the beat is so catchy and I like walking down the street listening to this with a bounce in my step, having a blast in my own little bubble that no one has access to or understands. 

Do you have special songs that you listen to on specific occasions or if you're in a specific mood? And if yes, which ones? Boy do I have a linkfest for you:

⛥ This song is for when I'm feeling baseline low and things are not going the way I want. I see a lot of myself in it, especially in the part where it goes "You'll get the message by the time I'm through, when I complain about me and you" - people like to berate me for complaining so much but this song has helped me be at peace with this trait of mine. All in all it helps me be ok with not being ok which is fantastic because I'm not ok more often than I'm ok.  

⛥ This song is for justifying me isolating myself inside and refusing to trust anyone or get close to anyone which is one of my most dependable coping mechanisms.  

⛥ This is for when I'm channeling my dark side who doesn't give a shit about hurting or offending people and takes pleasure in the misfortune of the people I hate. It puts me in a really low vibe which is therapeutic at times but consciously feeling like a piece of shit makes me a match to other pieces of shit. I've ran into more idiots listening to this song than any other song. Use with caution.  

⛥ This is for when I feel seductive and powerfully sexual. It has helped me in the transition from being sexualized before I was ready to owning and living my sexual side. Do not take a shot for everytime I say sexual. It's also just a ton of fun to sing. 

⛥ This song was a huge hit when I was a teenager and one of the first songs that I felt defined me before I even understood what's going on with me mental health wise. You could say it pointed me on the path of self-discovery. I still listen to it to connect with my younger self.  

⛥ This song sums up my life in this world at this time. It keeps me going and gives me the courage to go on living when I feel like I can't take it anymore. Especially the part of the lyrics where it says "if I don't make it someone else will stand my ground" has a special meaning to me.

⛥ This is for when I'm feeling bitter about any one of my exes. Doesn't even matter which one - the pattern was the same with them all.  

⛥ This is for when I need to feel alive. It's the theme song of my last big integration. Never fails to breathe life into me.  

⛥ For every day. Again for the purpose of being ok with not being ok.  

⛥ This is a weird one. Not the song, the thing it does for me is weird. It mostly says "Yeah I think she's falling out of love" over and over again and somehow that feels empowering to me. But it's not really valid for my situation now because I'm still extremely in love with Jack. I just feel like this song is about me and it helps me feel like I'm processing something and taking my energy back but I'm not sure what I'm processing.  

⛥ For when I'm beyond frustrated with society. Self-explanatory. 

⛥ For when I'm in need of something magical to take me away from the suffocating routine. My personal [Esc] - it eliminates feelings of helplessness and powerlessness in me so I can feel centered and magical.  

⛥ For walking. Makes me feel spirited and connected to what I like to think of as past incarnations of my soul. Closest to feeling grounded I've come in this lifetime. If anyone needs a lead vocal for a ren fair folk metal band hmu. 

I'm cutting this off here because we haven't even begun to scratch the surface. But feel free to ask me for more songs anytime you like. I have a very close relationship with music and it's tied to my emotions like nothing else. Therefore, most music I listen to has special meanings to me and special occasions where it's celebrated and enjoyed.

Have you considered making a discord group? Discord is pretty easy to navigate. Everyone wants me to make a discord group. So far I've been too busy to get into it but I'm open to looking into it in the future, probably after accomplishing a few more things to make room for new projects.

Thank you for the healthy meals video. The banana peanut butter protein bread, breakfast yogurt bowl, oven roasted vegetables and mince stir fry turned out well. Will you do more in the future? I'm glad you liked my foods. I'll be happy to make more recipes for you! Especially now that Jack is moving into what will end up being our first shared home once I get approved for a permanent visa and it has an actual kitchen I can walk more than two steps in, I'll get to show you recipes that involve more elaborate cooking tutorials. I'm low key really passionate about teaching people to eat healthy without depriving themselves and promoting a healthy relationship with food and body image. I thought my own ED story was long behind me but being reminded that other people still suffer like I used to suffer really tugs at my heart strings and makes me proud to be showcasing a normal healthy body at a normal healthy weight eating a normal healthy diet without all the food anxiety attached to every meal choice we have to make. I have a main video planned on the topic.

Thank you for posting your questions, I'll be attaching the September post here in a second so if you have follow up questions you can ask them there. I hope you liked my answers aswell as all the music - this must have been my favorite Q&A yet. Can we make the next one just as fulfilling? I'll be looking forward to your questions. Cheers