All About Self-Care (Patreon)

Read after watching. 

Thank you all for voting for this video as the April bonus video! This topic is near and dear to my heart because of my personal struggle with taking (adequate) care of myself. In transparency I must admit that it took me a very long time and eventually a meltdown to even consider starting to do all the things I showed you in the video. It's still a struggle to try and work through the neglect, gaslight and various forms of abuse I experienced growing up that I internalized and ended up doing to myself. A lot of these things took me a while to recognize as self-abuse. The thoughts are the hardest to shake. I can't effectively stop myself from asking myself "do I really need this?" before clicking "confirm" on any purchase that isn't necessary to stay alive or changing the bed linens because it means added laundromat costs. (For clarification: I do change my bed linens. I used to change them at least once a week, twice when I had pets, because I'm most comfortable that way but now I try to make them last up to two weeks to save money.) At least logically, I know that just because I wasn't worth it to my parents, doesn't mean I'm not worth it. Even though I still struggle with this odd guilt for existing and requiring resources, I practice self-care on a frequent basis in all the ways I talked about here. The happy, healthy Ally you see now is a result of adopting these habits and making changes to my mindset. There are more factors that contributed to these changes of course, like growing up and being busy (=too old for this shit, ain't nobody got time for this shit), but that's not to undermine the effect a kind action towards yourself can have on your health and wellbeing. I've come a long way from "making myself look presentable" in order to avoid harassment in public places for looking slightly "different" (welcome to Bavaria?) to prioritizing feeling good in my skin and from dieting in order to punish myself into being a more perfect body shape to giving my body good healthy foods because it makes me feel amazing. I came a long way from putting things in my cart and eventually deleting them again to occasionally buying the damn stuff and from forcing myself to sit and edit for 12 hours straight all while suppressing the fact that I was clearly losing my mind buying into the pressure for productivity to getting up and going for a walk just because the weather looks lovely and inviting. 

Sooner or later you're going to learn that you are the most important person in your life because without you, nothing gets done. Don't buy into the guilt trips of people who take you for granted and tell you that you should be able to perform even though none of your needs are met. I checked out of life (subconsciously) because there was clearly, literally and figuratively, nothing in it for me. Now, there are plenty of people who need to pull their heads out of their own asses and show consideration for the people around them for a change. If you struggle with self-care, you are not one of these people. You need to do the opposite thing and put your own energy into yourself and your own life. If you don't, it's never gonna be worth living. 

To elaborate, here are my 21 self-care principles that I think everyone should live by: 

1.  Sleep - thou shalt get enough sleep so thou art not miserable all day. 

Good sleep is the foundation of a healthy life. You must make sure you get as much rest as possible, even if you're stuck in a situation where it's really hard and stuff. 

2. Easy Mornings - thou shalt start into the day at a comfortable pace. 

You all know I'm not a morning person. If you are a morning person, by all means, roll out of bed and go. But everyone else can make an effort to ease into the day and move as slowly as you need to not feel rushed. It's ok to go easy on your system, especially if it's a sensitive system and needs to be slowly broken into the sensory overload that is physical reality every morning. 

3. Feeling Comfortable In Your Skin - thou shalt practice general body maintenance and stuff. 

How you feel in your skin sets your entire mood for the day. How your day goes and how you treat others and generally how you respond to life depends on how good you feel in your body. Take care of it, keep it clean and nice smelling, make sure your hair looks nice - not for others but for yourself. Please your own personal sense of aesthetics. 

4. Wear Comfortable Clothes - thou shalt acquire and clothe yourself in garments that make you feel good. 

From underwear to homewear to pyjamas to street clothes to formal clothes to gymwear - you must make sure the clothing you wear sits, fits and feels like a second skin. Some may be more or less sensitive to how clothing makes them feel, but it's always worth investing in quality clothing and shoes that are comfortable to exist in and make you feel confident and attractive. Only immature little kids care whether or not it fits in with the latest fashion trends. The only question you should ask yourself when judging your clothing is: Does this make me feel uncomfortable or restricted in any way? (Consider that the color of the garment can also play a role in how you feel in it.) If the answer is yes, fix it or toss it. Life's too short to walk through it like you've swallowed a flag pole. 

5. Fresh Air, Sunlight and Exercise - thou shalt expose your body to fresh air, sunlight and movement. (Also moonlight - didn't mention it but it's emotionally and spiritually cleansing.) 

The fact that we don't grow out of the ground with sturdy roots suggests that our bodies are designed to move. But that doesn't mean that we don't require the same things as the green stuff. Feeling the sun and fresh air lets your body know that everything's alright and help you feel at peace. Exercise will improve blood flow throughout your whole body which will make your cells happy and signal your brain to release happy chemicals which, in turn, will make you happier. That's just on top of all the other physiological improvements taking place inside you when you follow this point. I personally like to take advantage of the sunsets because that's a much gentler light than 3 in the afternoon in July. Don't get burnt. 

6. Don't Push Yourself Too Much - thou shalt not attempt to do too much of a good thing. 

Whether it's working too much or exercising too much - there is a point at which doing too much of anything will start to harm your body. You must figure out how much you can take and try to stay in the feel-good zone. As it pertains to exercise, there is nothing wrong with slowly building stamina and strength. People tend to think they have to wear themselves out to make progress - that's not true. Your body will adapt to your current level of activity and that will become easy - too easy - boring after a while. Change it up and challenge yourself a little, but not to the point where you're starting to hate everything about it. As it pertains to stress, you must avoid pushing yourself too much even if you think you're handling it well, because if you have a lot on your plate, it won't get less if you chew it faster. You may roll with it when you're in the stressed-but-managing groove, but take time to recover when it starts to wear off, which it will. 

7. Spend Time In Nature - thou shalt return to your roots every once in a while to remind thyself that thou art a good and rightful child of nature.

Spend as much time in the woods, on the beach, in the park, amongst the trees, in the fields, etc... as possible and get used to the feeling that you are worthy of being here because we all need a change of scenery from constantly being scrutinized by other people. I want the feeling you have at peace with yourself when no one's watching to become the dominant feeling you walk through life with. Because no one should be made to feel like they don't deserve to exist. 

8. Get out - thou shalt go places from time to time. 

If you have a tendency to get stuck in a rut and spiral along the same old everyday thoughts, it's time to leave that suffocating environment and see something new to engage your senses, stimulate your brain and experience something different so you can return to your everyday with a new outlook. Too often we're taught that all we need to do is eat, sleep, work, repeat - this couldn't be further from the truth. If you only ever run back and forth between all the places you know, your mind will wither. Keep your mind and your spirit happy by taking the scenic route or going out of your way to take yourself out of your routine and take a mental and/or physical breather. 

9. No Makeup - thou shalt keep your face free of paint whenever thou can get away with it.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good, wanting to impress or playing around with makeup when you feel like it - but it shouldn't be part of the pressure you put on yourself to be "barely acceptable". If you're anything like me then having foundation or any other makeup on your face feels really awkward and disgusting and you should seek to avoid making yourself feel that way whenever possible. While I put a lot of effort into creating beautiful videos and getting my face up to par with everything else, I'm also making a conscious effort to get comfortable showing my face as it is, blackheads and pimples and acne marks and all. Seeing as how I'm already doing everything in my power to keep it from being a lot worse, I don't see why I should be expected to cover up my flaws constantly at the expense of point three above. 

10. Don't Be A Dick To Yourself - thou shalt not be such a dick to thyself as other people hath been dicks to thee.  

Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would afford literally anyone else (who hasn't hurt you). You don't need to keep abusing yourself like you have been abused. Everyone reading this can make an effort to say nice things to yourself and do nice things for yourself. Even if it's hard and even if you reject it at first - just keep doing it. You're not gonna go from hating yourself to totally worshipping yourself overnight and you shouldn't expect yourself to. After all, you have been abusing yourself for years and you need to show good will consistently in order to learn to trust yourself again. I can't say to myself that I like myself without breaking out in tears because somewhere inside I feel completely and utterly unlovable. But I can show it in other ways, like being my own advocate and not being too hard on myself when I fall short of my own expectations, when I'm feeling unwell, when I made a mistake... And, more importantly, don't attempt to say "I love you" to your reflection in the mirror just for the sake of "improving your self-worth" because you have to mean it. If you just keep throwing empty words at yourself, there's no way you'll want to listen to that shit. Keep it genuine. Being honest with yourself is more important and more effective than trying to force self-love. If you hate yourself, ask yourself why and what you can do to make it up to yourself. And then act on the answer you receive. Follow through with promises you make to yourself. If you need a self-care day and you plan a self-care day, don't just toss all your plans when the day comes just because you no longer feel like death (unless you genuinely feel like something else will be more fun). The person in the mirror will remember that and hold you to it. You cannot fool yourself. 

11. Drink Enough Water - thou shalt keep hydrated. 

You're basically a houseplant with more complex emotions. Drink some water and eat foods that contain it. Also stick to point 6 above. Drinking too much water will flush out all your electrolytes and leave you more thirsty. I only figured this out recently because I've been struggling with this really obnoxious paradox where the more water I drank, the thirstier I got. Find your balance and keep your body happy and functioning optimally. 

12. Don't Ignore Your Own Needs - thou shalt honor thy own needs and taketh steps to meet...eth them? 

If the only thing keeping you from meeting your own needs is your priorities, it's time to fix them. I know how difficult it can be as ignoring your needs can become a nasty habit, but it's important that you make an effort to undo that conditioning and meet your own needs to the best of your ability. You're cold? Seek ways to warm up. I like hot baths but if I don't feel like pretending my shallow ass shower is an adequate makeshift bathtub or just don't feel like soaking, I like to curl up with a hot drink and a blow dryer under my blanket. You're hungry? Eat food. Don't make yourself wait until you're miserable before you are willing to give yourself what you need like your parents waited until you started crying before they were fed up and had to involuntarily listen to your shit, or some shit. Don't be like that, man. 

13. Fasting - thou shalt fast very occasionally and carefully. 

Fasting, if done right, safely and for the right reasons can be very rejuvenating for your body and your emotions. I practice intermittent fasting where I try to abstain from eating for 12-14 hours a day. Nothing really extreme or dangerous about it. I don't really stretch it out longer than that unless I lose my appetite for one reason or another. And in the week before my period, it's a stretch to even make it to 12 hours but that's ok. I eat when I need to and fast when I don't need to eat, all in alignment with my needs and my wellbeing. Consult your doctor if you want to fast longer and apply points 6, 12 and 15. 

14. Good Nutrition - thou shalt giveth your body good healthy foods. 

I really do encourage you to feed yourself as healthy of a diet as possible. If you want to feel your best, it's really worth it to fuel yourself with the best food you have access to. You don't have to bend over backwards to get 5-a-day every day, but simply making healthier choices wherever possible will make your body very happy. As usual, apply point 6 because making too many changes too quickly will overload your body. Give yourself some time to adjust to new foods and introduce them gradually. Try to reduce sugar consumption or switch to natural, lower glycemic sugars. Do not buy into the "a calorie is a calorie" paradigm because your body responds differently to a calorie from honey than it does to a calorie from mountain dew. As a general rule of thumb, the more alive and less processed a food is, the healthier it will be for you. The less alterations the food had to undergo between growing out of the ground and being on your plate, the better. That's not to say that you need to cut out major food groups and limit yourself to raw vegetables. But eating more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff will shift the balance in your body and will likely enable it to perform more optimally. I personally like to eat as organic as possible because I have compared them side by side and no self-proclaimed diet expert can throw enough "science" at me to tell me that organic vegetables don't taste sweeter and more dense and fragrant than commercial vegetables. And other than wild caught fish, organic meat is the cleanest animal protein source I have access to at the moment so that's what I take. As for how much I take of every food group, I listen to my body and strive to eat what I crave. Sometimes, pastured cheddar cheese is just the tastiest thing in the fucking world - and sometimes it tastes pretty meh because it's just not what my body wants. Today my body really liked the kiwis I had for breakfast but it felt pretty indifferent about the apple and almonds. I make sure to get balanced meals whenever I eat to keep my blood sugar stable and just add variety so my body has more different nutrients to work with at any given time. I think this is a pretty healthy way of eating and I do have treats and I do pig out occasionally but I generally aim to keep my diet clean, colorful and balanced. Wow, what a wall of text. I hope it gave you some ideas at least. Remember that different things will work for different people and it's ok to experiment and listen to your body to find the foods it likes the most. 

15. Don't Let Yourself Suffer - thou shalt not torture thyself for no god damn reason.

Where I'm from, people like to teach you to ignore pain and just endure it. They tell you that you're being dramatic if you express that you're in pain and that you need to "suck it up and live with it cause that's life." I think that's wrong and a huge gaslight. No one wants to live in pain - down to our most primitive instincts, our nervous systems are wired to shy away from pain and seek out pleasure. And especially, no one wants to be told they shouldn't feel pain when they're feeling pain. Your pain is valid and important and I don't want you to let anyone tell you that you should ignore it, ever. Whether it's emotional pain or physical pain - look for ways to relieve it. Because not doing so is torture. And if you torture yourself, you'll end up hating yourself. And living with self-hate... Well, you honestly don't wanna go there. And if you are there, then you know you don't want to stay there. It's truly the worst way to live. 

16. Honor Your Limitations - thou shalt accepteth when thou art done. 

Let the best you can do be enough. There's only so much a human being can accomplish and if you regularly fail to keep up with your goals, then you should take a good look at your goals and ask yourself if they are really reasonable for any human being to strive for. I still have to learn this and figure out how to set achievable goals rather than ideal goals. Growing up, too much was expected of me all the fucking time and I wasn't allowed to rest until I jumped through all the hoops and met all the expectations. I rarely ever achieved one of them, given that nobody was willing to help me through it, so the end result was just that I wasn't allowed to rest. But a hard day's work doesn't always bear instant and obvious fruit. Just because you studied your ass off doesn't guarantee that you'll pass the test. Just because you worked all day doesn't mean you instantly have something to show for yourself. This is what I could never get through to my mother who only accepted scores and results and didn't give a shit about growth and personal progress. Don't be like my mother. Be a decent god damn human being and know when enough is enough. 

17. Take Frequent Breaks - thou shalt taketh breaks as frequently as thou requireth. 

Whenever you focus your attention on something, like I did while editing this video and writing this post, take frequent short breaks to clear your mind so you don't go stir crazy and can actually fucking concentrate on whatever the fuck you're doing. Also helps to keep your body moving and make sure your needs are met consistently. Don't let people judge you for getting up constantly (assuming you work sitting down) if you're in a position where you can get away with taking short breaks when you need them - just tell them you have ADHD and need to pace so you can focus or something, idk. Apply points 12 and 15. 

18. Music - thou shalt listen to good music. 

If music does to you what it does to me, I just want to give you a friendly reminder to put on some music that you like right now. I personally can't do that while writing because it distracts me big time, but I made a point of listening to good music whenever I can just because of how good it is for my soul and my mental wellbeing. Music falls under one of those things that I love but neglect but shouldn't neglect because of how important it is to me. If you have things you neglect but shouldn't neglect and have no reason to neglect, you, too, should make a point of doing these things more frequently. Because in the end, music for me is the difference between enjoying being alive and just existing. And the only thing standing in the way of me and music is my lack of an inclination to do something that's good for me. And that just cannot be. 

19. Self-Expression - thou shalt expresseth thy own damn soul.

I like to sing and rant. (My personality in a nutshell?) In my honest opinion, everyone needs to do some throat chakra clearing, some soul maintenance, some making-yourself-seen-and-heard, some taking-up-space, some just-fucking-unapologetically-existing. Whichever means of self-expression appeals the most to you personally, I want you to do more of that. Share something that's important to you and that represents who you are. Find someone to talk to about your deepest feelings and beliefs or find music that expresses how you feel and share it with someone. We live in the age of social media where literally any idiot can post whatever trash they like. Take advantage of that freedom and get some of the validation you need but more importantly, learn to share what you really feel. Whether it's received well or not, whether you think others think it matters or not. It matters because it's your truth and no one has the right to tell you no one wants to hear it. Fuck them. You deserve to be as clear about what you stand for as you want. If they don't like it, they can kindly show themselves out. But don't let just any idiot tell you what you can and can't do on your own time and your own social media profile. 

20. Witchcraft/Use Your Own Gifts On Yourself - thou shalt practice witchcraft if thou art so inclined or useth any other gifts thou might haveth to benefit thyself. 

Raise your hand if you know what it's like to happily give of your natural talents and abilities to other people but never bother to do the same for yourself. I mean, I can't actually see it, but comment below if you raised your hand anyway. Anyway, this is probably the biggest, boldest statement of "I don't matter" in all caps in underlined, bold letters that ever existed and you should avoid treating yourself like that because... I mean, it fucking sucks, doesn't it, mate? How happy are you going to be if you treat yourself like you're the least of your concerns? Especially seeing as how in reality, you're the most important person in your life because you are the essence that holds everything in your life together and if you're not here, everything you hold up will collapse with nothing and no one left to tend to it. Don't take yourself for granted, but treat yourself with respect and allow yourself to benefit from what you're good at. Are you a good listener? Listen to yourself. Do you give good advice? Take your own advice. Are you a healer? Help yourself heal. I know we can't always heal ourselves but we can heal some things and we should never deny ourselves the best we can do for no god damn reason. If you have the time, have the knowledge, have the ability and you still won't do it, then that's a self-worth issue and I want you to treat yourself like the worthy living breathing child of nature that you are. 

21. Live For Yourself - thou shalt liveth for thyself. 

It's ok to make your life about you. Of course there's too much of a good thing and if you feel like you have already taken all that life can give and remain unfulfilled, you might want to go in the opposite direction and include other people in your life. But for those of us who were trained to only ever live for other people need to know that it's ok to live for yourself because, as I stated, if you feel like there's nothing in it for you, you're not gonna wanna live. Not wanting to live is passive suicide - if this is your dominant feeling you walk through life with, you are passively suicidal. You're doing nothing but eating, sleeping and distracting yourself while waiting for death. This is not what life is about nor should it be what you accept as normal. You have the power to nudge your life in a different direction so use your power to build a life that's worth living. Don't content yourself with experiences that feel "meh". Even if you can't do much, it's critical that you do everything you can possibly do and see from there. Take opportunities when they arise, live by points 1-20 and don't be afraid to seize everything life has to give. You're not doing anyone a favor by depriving yourself of everything you could be living. And even if your dreams are too big for your budget, make improvements where you can because you can and notice how much better you feel knowing you've done all you could to really live instead of just breathing. After all, some of the best things in life are free.
For example, I want to get into music. I have no idea how because I don't know any musicians close to me, but I know I want nothing more than to sing and be part of something I truly love. I may lack the ability to put together a demo all by myself, but that won't stop me from singing as much as possible and sharing it with you - for free. ;)

I hope this video and endless wall of text have inspired you. I'm gonna go practice point 16 now, as I've been writing for five and a half hours, in alignment with point 19 and my principle to truly, genuinely publish things I'm proud of and that represent who I am and what I stand for here on Patreon. 

Please appreciate my cute fonts. I downloaded like 200 just to pin down on these handful of fonts for this video because I decided all of the microsoft fonts looked like amateur trash. So now I have 200 gothic, celtic and medieval fonts to mess with. 

Thank you for choosing this video for the April bonus video and thank you for supporting me in the creation of this. Let's celebrate the finished work before moving on to the next thing. 

Take care of yourself.