a work in progress (Patreon)

I've been working on stuff. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to show for myself yet, because good things take a lot of work. I'm in this weird phase where I'm making slow progress on multiple videos because I start doing one thing, notice all the things I hate about it, require stuff to fix them, get stuff to fix them, change things around, get all moodswingy, switch to a different project and develop things like that. Last night I attempted to film Maya's part for the Shiki sequel for which I have dyed my hair - and failed. I'm not even mad. Hating everything about something is the first step to making it less shitty. Now I know, the next time I attempt to film 3 scenes with no lines whatsoever, I'm gonna need 6 hours and every battery I own. I'm low key in love with the hair color and don't wanna change it back, but I'm gonna have to be a redhead again to play Ray's part eventually. I apologize in advance if I end up milking the hell out of the temporary black hair before I continue the project. There are several other things I want to do with it. I feel strangely whole in all black.  ♪ She dyes it black black black black no.1  ♪ 

Wouldn't a wig be an easier solution for changing characters? No, no it wouldn't. I tried wigs years ago when I was growing out my hair - turns out I can't have anything on my head because I get raging headaches from the slightest pressure on it. Not to mention I look like shit in wigs. Somehow I have the wrong face for them. Just like with glasses. It's pretty ridiculous how bad I look in both these things. 

I'm sure you noticed how good the lighting looked in my last video with the even illumination. I have an ethereal heart-to-heart type video planned for which I tried to make a dreamy background... and ran into the first problem. Because I am so damn fluorescent cool-white, the background was near invisible no matter how many light sources I used. I bought a festive light-net which will hopefully be bright enough to offset my damn face a little bit. Also the red hair looked like shit against it so I decided, black it must be. Idk, I like it on a day to day basis, but it looks like shit in every lighting except daylight. Black on the other hand looks good in every light. Ah, the freedom. I'm basically trying to get even illumination and cancel out shadows without a ring light. I think I might be allergic to those. They bother me more than they should. Do they illuminate things nicely? Yes. Do they also reflect as a damn circle in the eyes of every single video creator? Yes. It looks unnatural and I'm trying to work around it. 

My plans for tonight, well, the rest of it, have less to do with the videos I'm working on (though I'm constantly thinking about and developing the plot and characters) and more with tomorrow's stream for the Ultra and Cosmic tier. I have a really cool idea and I'm just throwing myself into it. For once I'm doing some preparation before the actual day of the stream. The goal is to get a festive thumbnail photo. I went and purchased some things to ASMR on for the stream and now I have to clean my set, prepare my set, do makeup, get into costume and take some pictures. I don't wanna give too much away, but my Ultra and Cosmic patrons should prepare some treats and beverages. 

Why I gotta do my best all the time? Sometimes it's good to kick back and relax, I just haven't figured out that concept yet. I'm still doing the numbing myself thing and still don't know why. I also still have no desire to take time off so no matter what your holiday plans are, you can still look forward to new videos soonish. And possibly photos. Clearly, the photography muse has a tight grip on me lately. That was for my updates I guess. 

Now that I've recovered from that double espresso, off to clean and study! That one went straight to my heart. Pump, little squishy thing, pump and burn fat. What are you guys doing tonight?