CHP 05: Servants Are Overrated (Patreon)

I sat in Shirou's living room, bored out of my mind as I fiddled with a pen.

"Hey, hey Shirou?"

Shirou was, doing his homework sitting across from me... the bum. 

You see there is a certain hack I learnt early on.

If you don't do homework at the grade I'm going to be in for a good while, it doesn't actually affect your grade. Sure, your teachers could scold you or call your parents but...

A, my teachers are never going to fuck with me again.

B, my 'parents' don't give enough of a shit about me to bother with whatever complaints they receive.

C, fuck school.

Mhm, now I could go on about this for a while but I have something more interesting to discuss.

You see, I've learnt a thing or two about my ability to modify and invent in the time I've been waiting for Sakura to wake up... She came to Shirou's with me and dozed off while we were waiting for him to serve food.

I've come to the realisation that I can't think of myself as an engineer or a scientist... instead, it's more like painting.

And much like a painter can mix two different colours for a desired outcome, I too can use components of unrelated objects to obtain what I want... I just kind of think and it comes like a flow.

I say this confidently courtesy of the former toaster lying on one of those wall closet table thingies littered throughout Shirou's home... I was messing around with it and wondering about ice cream.

The next thing I knew, I'd made some kind of ice cream dispenser and er... I may or may not owe Shirou a fridge and a circuit board.

As before, I understand how I did it but can't formulate a step-by-step explanation of my actions for an outsider... which leads me to believe that this is not a natural occurrence.

Of course this just means that new Shinji is awesome Shinji and I'm not gonna try to trace the source like a retard. 

You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Hmm?" Shirou only now deigned to acknowledge my call.

"Shirou, Shirou, hey."

"Hm?"

"Hey, hey Shirou."

Shirou looked up from his notebook, brows furrowed, "What?"

"Nothing." I chuckled in his face as an unamused expression formed on it.

"Why not just do your homework, Shinji?" Shirou offered calmly, putting both hands together.

Dear Shirou, you're supposed to be a selfless victim complex nut.

Stop being reasonable.

I gasped and put a hand over my shattered heart, "Homework is just a construct meant to waste the time of geniuses like myself."

"Huh... whatever you say I guess." Shirou shrugged and went back to his own work.

See, Shirou, life is so much easier if you just give in.

Thankfully, the doorbell rang before I could die of boredom.

I used the opportunity fate had so graciously presented me with to jump to my feet before Shirou could even budge and run to the door, "I'll get it!"

"Wai-..."

I could hear a faint sigh but no footsteps when I shut the door behind me... He's learning to live with me, good cause I'm about to be one of those overly attached friends that just never leave your place.

But, I'm not a complete bum.

I'll pay him by selling my inventions... not.

Fuyuki has a considerable Church and magi presence, not to mention the Yakuza family operating in the city out of the same district I'm living in.

Now, you could say I should go to the Church for sanctum but I would like to point out that there's a priest with a basement full of kids in the very city I'm in... Then there's a priest that likes to cut people up for the hell of it and a cardinal who's like a century old with over a hundred bastards.

Now what does this say about the rest of the organisation?

Yeah, no thanks.

The magi are even worse though I'm mostly protected from them because of my status as the heir apparent of the ancient Matou lineage... even though that position will probably go to my sister.

Shoving those idle thoughts aside, I skipped across the empty front yard and threw open the main doors, "Who is it?"

...Huh, I can't say I expected this.

"H-Hey... Shinji, here's that thing you asked me for."

It was my father, Byakuya Matou, carrying two large cardboard boxes with hunched shoulders and beads of sweat running down his forehead. I could make out skid marks from the truck that had brought the packages on the road behind him.

"Why didn't you just ask the delivery guys to hand it over?" I prodded out of genuine curiosity, Byakuya Matou wasn't exactly a model father... or person.

Byakuya hesitated for a moment before sighing and resolving himself, "I wanted to give it to you myself... I'm sorry, I don't know much about these things so I just asked them to give me the best ones possible... I hope you don't mind."

The fuck?

"Uh... Alright." I held out my hands, gesturing for him to hand over the boxes... He did it without much thought.

Of course the boxes crashed down to the ground as soon as they left his hands, with my arms under them.

"Who hands a kid something so heavy?!"

"You asked me to." Byakuya spoke hesitantly before picking the boxes up again, "Just tell me where to put them."

W...Why was he smiling?

It wasn't a full on smile, seemed half-assed like his whole existence but it was there.

Whatever, I'm not changing my thoughts about you.

You tossed a kid into a rape bug pit to save your own ass.

Nodding slowly, I turned around to lead him to my room.

"So...How was school?"

...What the fuck is wrong with him today?

"It was fine, I guess. I may have traumatised my homeroom teacher but that's good... Oh and I beat some bullies." 

I don't do so well when people express genuine interest in my day-to-day actions or life.

"Good job."

Bro... I don't want your brokie approval.

"If you wanted to insult me, why'd you even ask?" I spoke involuntarily, pursing my lips.

"I was praising you, Shinji."

"Yeah what I said. Why'd you ask me if you wanted to insult me?"

Byakuya went silent after that but I could hear his footsteps so he was still following me.

Shirou's house was big as hell but the design was highly convenient, so it only took a minute or two to set the boxes in my room and escort my father out.

You know what, this PC will be the first step to me becoming Shinji Musk so I'll let your shit slide for just a second.

Right before my father left, I mumbled the words, "Thanks, dad."

Just to placate the deadbeat drunk.

"Hmm."

He just hummed and shuffled away with his back straighter than usual.

Woah, talk about ungrateful, damn.

-

The Sun had just about set and the night started settling in when my little sister deigned to finally wake up.

As a good older brother, I put my own pillow under her head and kicked Shirou out of HIS living room so she could sleep there in peace.

Honestly, I'm such an angel.

And I'm 50% sure Shirou gets off me disregarding him as a person to help myself.

Sakura mumbled incoherently as she got up, rubbing her eyes with those little hands of hers as she pushed herself up and... hit the table.

...Ouch.

Fuck these tables, why can't they use chairs?

I knelt by her side.

Now you might wonder why I'm being so delicate with her.

Well, one, she's my sister.

Two, I told you about the Church and the magi being dangerous but let me tell you about the biggest threat to my continued subscription to the life server.

The discord mod called Alaya, HUmANiTY's sUBcOnsCIouS which can just up and delete the timeline I'm in if she deems this particular one is detrimental to humanity's progress.

Then there's the Counter Guardians... who are basically just skill issue bums that didn't read the fine print and got stuck with the stupid job of cleaning up humanity's messes.

The quickest deterrent I can access is a nuke.

Being Shinji has it's disadvantages but... there's certain advantages only geniuses like myself can grasp.

"Are you okay?" I asked calmly.

Dear sister, stop flinching like I'm about to hit you.

It hurts my pride as a man.

"Wa...Was it real?" She asked in a small voice, shrinking into a ball.

"You mean me taking over the school like a total badass and saving my sister?" I smiled to hide the pain and tears... She set me up for one of the most vicious jokes ever but even I'm not that big a dick, "If so, yeah."

Her hollow eyes shined ever so slightly as she looked up at me with... hope?

Well, that's a mistake.

She delulu.

"Hey Sakura, I really wanna go against Zouken but I need your help." I spoke as softly as possible... Her compliance is integral.

Sakura trembled at the name and teared up, "I-It's not...I-I don't want to... lose you too."

Oh I get it, but I'm insulted that you would compare me to our uncle.

He got ganked by his own servant in the last war and you know what, he deserved it.

Most people don't realise this but he was supposed to inherit the family but ran away like a bitch, if he'd stayed Zouken would have no reason to take in Sakura.

Also, I refuse to believe you care this much after one interaction.

This isn't an eroge.

Oh wait...

NAH.

I refuse.

"Don't worry, Sakura. You're not even gonna be near so no danger to you." 

She must be scared cause of trauma, that's it.

"I...It's not about me."

"Hey C'mon, trust your brother. I promise I won't die until I save you." I flashed her the trademark Shinji scumbag smile and a thumbs up... which may or may not have worked to my detriment.

Sakura, as an eas-... ehem, she seemed to give in to my logical and flawless coercion and stood up with slumped shoulders, "...Alright."

Dear sister, why do you look like you've given up?

Anywa-

-

I dragge-... led my sister to Shirou's storehouse after pushing him out of HIS house to get me some instant noodles...

Hah, good ol' Shirou.

...I definitely don't feel guilty.

The place was shamshod and rundown, used as a storage of course and littered with all sorts of trinkets along with a lot of... pipes? What?

And my sister looked somewhat... scared?

Wait, leading my stepsister to an empty storehouse after emptying the whole residence had some troubling implications.

...I assure you my motives are pure and innocent... for her at least.

Anyway, let me enlighten those of you who still haven't somehow pieced together what I intend.

You see, Sakura Matou, formerly Tohsaka, was born with the elemental affinity for Hollow or, Imaginary Numbers.

This elemental affinity allows one to access and interact with the Imaginary Numbers Space.

This is an alternate space that doesn't abide by the natural laws that govern the universe and constitutes the primary reality of the universe itself.

It contains all possibilities but nothing at all at the same time.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, it also houses a multitude of Outer Gods with very unwholesome intentions.

I believe you might recognise this place by it's localisation.

The Void.

Yep.

Sakura can use other elements after Zouken fucked her body over but there's still the Hollow affinity remaining and she CAN open portals.

Anyway, my intentions are not some engineered towards Outer Gods who fuck over everything by merely existing, it is not the possibility of traversing timelines.

No, I just want to break somebody out.

Since it houses all possibilities at once, I need to merely enforce my 'desire' for a fraction of second, maybe even less to get what I want. All I have to do is 'ground' a desired 'possibility'.

"Sakura, fire up a portal to the Imaginary Number Space."

"W-What?... Are you sure, Nii-sama?" Sakura seemed surprised by my intentions, or my knowledge... but a single reassuring glance later and she complied, holding out both her hands with a resigned expression.

You know, I'm getting the distinct feeling that my 'reassuring glances' might not be as reassuring as I think they are.

"Oh yeah, also use your magic mumbo jumbo to let me interact with it for a bit."

She used the place as a prison for people if I remember right, letting me interact for a second or two shouldn't be hard.

Nodding slightly, Sakura got ready... evident by the shimmering nerve-like lines spreading from her hands, up her arms to her eyes.

I grinned as a small portal sparked open in the middle of the storehouse.

I understand this might backfire but... it's the optimal course a suicidal bastard like me can take.

You see, the Imaginary Number Space is also a prison.

I shoved my hands through the portal, enforcing the thought of interacting with my target.

A prison for an Evil of Man, Beast II.

My grin widened as my hands latched onto 'something'.

The Goddess of Beginning.

"Push the portal back, Sakura."

The Mother of Genesis.

Sakura's legs shivered as she struggled to stay upright but nodded at me and slowly but surely, the portal started moving back... revealing more and more of my submerged arms.

The Primordial Goddess of the Sumerian Mythos, Nammu, Tiamat.

Who fucked over Goddesses, servants, shrugged off attacks and just refused to fucking die and more magical energy than the whole goddamn planet at about 10% of her total power because she was being forced to rampage and didn't want to harm her 'children'.

The portal moved back to slowly reveal a tall woman with long ethereal sapphire-like hair sitting on the ground... Her crimson eyes had bright crosses in them but even I could see how hollow and lifeless they were.

She was hiding her face behind her knees, with her arms wrapped around them and didn't even notice the change in her surroundings... Long curved emerald horns extended from either side of her head and while some might have thought them unsightly... they shimmered like diamonds.

She wasn't pretty or cute, but rather, majestic and beautiful in a way nothing could ever even come close to her.

"...Fuck yeah."

Sakura passed out and fell to the ground... so I rushed over to her to check on her.

You see Tiamat may have been a Beast that could destroy the planet in seconds at her fullest but... To any fate fan worth his salt, she was just a neglected and desperate 'person' who'd been betrayed by all she held dear yet still couldn't help but love.

...A woman desperate for anybody or anything that would treasure her back.

In other words, she was an easy wom-... ehem, I said nothing but let it be known.

I regret nothing.

But looking at her... goddamn, big titty onee-sans are awesome.

I looked down at Sakura, checking her breathing and heart rate, before I stood up and curiously sauntered over to the Beast who could realistically just flick the whole city out of existence.

Oh yeah, this isn't a servant or a copy of the actual being.

Oh no, this is a full powered Beast that will latch on to the first sign of 'care' in the flesh.

Servants are overrated.

Who needs servants when you can have Tiamama?

Putting on a small smile, I held my hand out to her under the light of the moon.

"Come on... Let me show you that somebody cares."

The Mother of Genesis shifted ever so slightly, and her hollow gaze shifted to my hand.

Honestly, why didn't anyone think this up before me?

My genius is terrifying.

Fate people are dumb.

...Disregard that there was no way anyone could have known this.

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Let me clarify, nothing in here is AU or not in line with canon.

It might seem a bit too easy but the Hollow affinity is broken as fuck and allows for what he did.