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“Hey! Are you even listening?” Emmie sighed. 


“Yuh….HUH!” Kate responded peppily, emphasizing the last syllable with a happy pop and an exaggerated press and release of a button on her phone screen. Only after she’d completed whatever it was she was doing did she deign to lift her head and look over at her friend who’d been stressing herself to death over her presentation to the Advisory Board regarding Bright U’s inclusivity issues instead of enjoying college life with her friends.


“Okay then, what’d I just get done saying?” Emmie glared, her gentle face and soft, raspy ‘black girl sweetheart’ coo of a voice betraying her inability to express irritation without just looking like she’d been hopelessly in love for years.

(1)


“You just got done saying that you wanted to direct the school towards a more body positive and culturally sensitive direction. You had problems with your teacher, the way Asian students are marginalized and stereotyped, and the way anyone fat or non-white is treated. Then you looked at your phone, and then you looked at me and bitched that I was on my phone.” Kat said directly with a smug, cheerleadery smile spread cockily across her face.

(2)


Emmie was somewhat stunned and found herself at a pouty loss for words. Her shoulders slumped downward, only succeeding in making her look brattily seductive and pleading.


“I didn’t think you were actually listening. Now I feel like a bitch because I accused you. I sorry lady.” She said in a sweet, but childish voice that the two of them tended to use with each other. As it stood, store trips now included getting packs of “sparky wahwah,” “choccy milk,” and “Tylenol” before going to a drive thru for some “chimkin nuggies” and then to any coffee shop to feed their “covfefe” addiction. The two of them had picked it up from Toni who had apparently picked up from Sofia. It was like a plague of vapid baby talk that they all started out of sarcasm and intent to mock it, only to find themselves hideously ravaged by their apparent inability to stop talking like bratty youtubers. Emmie was amused by it, Kate thought it was cute, and Sofia was long used to it. Tonisha however, HATED IT. 


Poor Toni had been desperately trying to shed some weight, convinced that she’d gained the freshman 15 in only three weeks of living on campus, and completely ignoring her friends when they said that she was plenty thin already. For whatever reason however, Toni refused to believe that there wasn’t something wrong with her, claiming that playful baby talk and having her heart soar at the sight of squishmallows in the mall just wasn’t *her*. She never could explain why however, and to everyone’s moderate glee accepted Sofia’s explanation of what she called “The Pinkening.” 


They’d been out swimming that day and Toni nearly dropped her latté upon seeing a group of busty Bright Girls entering the pool with huge, glorious mermaid tails. She completely freaked out and was shaking with joy and apprehension while simultaneously trying to chastise herself for such ridiculous behavior. Apparently, she’d been a massive fan of mermaids as a kid and always wanted to be one but gave up long ago, never even knowing functional mermaid tails were a thing. Black Ariel was a notedly big deal for her. 

(3)

When she asked why it was affecting her so badly, Sofia stepped forward and explained that no matter how goth or punk or tomboyish a girl may be, there comes a point in her life when they receive  a sort of hyperfemininity whiplash after years of avoiding girly, pink, or otherwise societally female associated things. No matter how much she hated pink or how much black lipstick and eyeliner she wore, The Pinkening was coming for every girl even a shred of integrity....It was only a matter of time..

(4)

Most women, she said, experience The Pinkening around 30, and suddenly they become ENAMOURED with all things feminine, cutesy shit, but some can stumble upon a “bimbo bomb” as early as 21. A bimbo bomb was effectively any otherwise mundane stimuli like gifted nail polish or a nostalgic hairbrush might trigger a girly snap in a woman’s natural brain chemistry and lead them to rabidly embrace Barbie dolls and Hello Kitty merchandise no matter how corrupted or altered it may be. So in other words, Punk Cinderella still counted as a princess. 


Toni tried for days to deny that it was happening to her, even despite the mounting evidence to the contrary. It was only when Kat asked what she wanted from the store once that the poor girl let “Oooh! Sparky wahwah!” slip out of her mouth that she had to accept that The Pinkening was real and happening to her. 

(5)

She’d redoubled her efforts to exercise in order to fight it, and insisted on being more active in B.B.W. affairs in order to keep her mind as sharp as she could. Unfortunately for her, Toni’s attention span was not up to the task as today, like all other days, had her grinning at her phone every two minutes and not paying full attention to what was going on. Emmie especially did not appreciate this.


“What about you Toni, do you think it’s good?” She asked.


 Toni snapped her head up, not even bothering to lower her phone or even turn it off. She simply looked at the other two girls and giggled slightly before asking “…..What? Oh my god, do I have something on my face?”


“Woooooooooooooooowwww” Kat droned, clapping.


“Wait, what? WAIT NO, OH MY GOD I WAS LISTENING I PROMISE!!!” Toni cried out, realizing what was wrong. And clapping both of her hands over her mouth.


“What’d I just say then?” Emmie asked, stone faced and unamused.


“Um! Okay, you were talking about how…the school board is all of the dean’s friends and thaaaat……” She paused. “That you were going to make sure that fat people could come here too because acceptance isn’t just about race! BOOM, BITCHES. I remembered!” Toni said, very excited over her victory and now doing a small, sexy dance where she sat.
Emmie and Kate both fought to stifle their laughter after seeing how excited their friend was and how hard she was celebrating before she realized she was wrong. Toni noticed immediately.


“Wait, what? Am I wrong?” She asked, genuinely concerned for how her friends saw her, especially since she knew Emmie was counting on her to help with her speech.


“You are…” Emmie began, her face stoic and intimidating. She almost looked angry, but Toni couldn’t quite tell.


“A plushy fucking princess.” She said, knowing full well that pointing out one of her less tough moments would bother her to no end. She grinned, breaking the tension, but left Toni pouting in frustration.
“Oh my god! I am NOT a Plushy Princess! Stop Saying that!” She whined, smiling despite her extreme embarrassment.


“Well, however good it is, it’s what I’ve got for tomorrow so…..That.” Emmie said, throwing up one hand and twisting one side of her lip into a grimace. “Well anyways. Since you guys are here, wanna spend the night and stop me from worrying myself to death and actually go to bed at a decent time?”
“Fucking YES.” Kat said, her upward inflection outing her as a total California girl.


“OH MY GOD, SLEEPOVER!!” Toni squealed.
“No. Not like that, I mean-“ 


“OH MY GOD YAAAS!!!! SLEEPOVER!!!” Kat cheered, her fist raised into the air and interrupting Emmie.
“Wait. No. I still-“ She attempted again.


“OH MY GOD COULD WE INVITE SOFIA AND KEI?” Toni gushed enthusiastically.


“Fuck yeah! B.B.W. slumber partyyyyyyy!!!!” Kate cried out, her own hype level just short of Toni’s.


“But…..Sleep. Please.” Emmie said, her voice fading helplessly into the back while her friends phoned in a rager on the night before her giant presentation. She sat and sighed, accepting that she may as well enjoy it since she knew she wasn’t getting any sleep that night no matter what she did. Still, Emmie dreaded having more guests over. Kei wasn’t bad at all, but tended to enable everyone to drink. And if Sofia was coming, that meant two things: Lots of alcohol……and sparky wahwah.

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