Lauren: Squeaky Wheel, Part 1 (Patreon)

“Briaaaaaaaaaan.” Lauren called across the house. “Did you eat the rest of my waffles?”

“No, Lauren. I did not eat the rest of your waffles.” Brian called back.

“They’re all gone.” She yelled back, presumably standing in front of the fridge, staring into the open freezer.

“That’s because you ate them all.” Brian yelled in return.

The changes had slowed down as of late, but Lauren’s motivation to do anything other than fuss, watch tv, and fuck had almost completely disappeared. This would have been more relevant to Brian in the moment had he not been currently in the act of trying to hurriedly scarf down the rest of Lauren’s blueberry eggo waffles before she came into the room and saw him with them.

He too had been enjoying a little down time after the tournament season had ended. The pair still frequented the country club at Lauren’s insistence, but it had become very much a social thing instead of a place of work. Mostly, their attendance was rewarded with free food that was far better than anything they’d get in town and that was one of the few places that she could actually get herself to socialize with someone other than her husband. Even so, it was nice to have more time to just hang out and do whatever he felt like. Lauren’s love of television gave them something to do together that didn’t involve shopping, and her sudden interest in painting afforded both of them low-stakes time to themselves.

“You motherfucker.” Lauren said, standing in the doorway.

Brian had been caught red-handed by his wife as she stood in the door, her mouth hung open in betrayed shock. The last change to hit hadn’t been Brian walking in the room to find his wife with shorter hair, but rather her sudden desire to lop it all off and have it styled into a not-unattractive bob. Since then, the sight of a short haired blonde lounging around the house in frilly, designer panties had become a common sight.

(1)

“You fucking liar!! You’re eating my waffles RIGHT NOW!!” Lauren yelled, pointing at Brian accusingly.

Without a second word, the young woman’s brow furrowed and she lunged at her husband, playfully trying to wrestle the remaining half of a waffle from his hand to stuff in her mouth. She kicked and punched, straddling his lap in the chair, but he was still stronger than she was by far. In fact, he began to realize, she seemed to have lost some tone over the last month and a half but it was unclear as to whether or not there was any magical reason for that or if she was just a lazy ass. He used his free arm to try to wrap around and pin her arms so that he could hurry up and eat the rest of the waffle, but Lauren’s feisty squirming still allowed her to get a hold on the syrup-less waffle and tear a piece off.

“Mmmmmmmm.” Lauren cooed in delight, still on her husband’s lap as she ate.

Her rabid attack slowed to rhythmic gyrations as she felt him grow hard as she ground her panties against his leg. She finished off the rest of the stolen breakfast pastry and her breaths became slow and hot. Seconds later, she was being hoisted into the air and tossed onto the bed.

“BRIAAAAAAANNNN!!!!” Lauren called from the women’s clothing section. “I can’t decide which ones I wanna get!”

Rolling his eyes, Brian sighed and pressed the power button on the side of his phone and get up. Across every single form or iteration his wife took, one thing remained constant: She fucking loved to shop. Whether it was Hot Topic, Kaijumaru, thrift stores, nutrition stores, or even a foreign marketplace, Lauren loved shopping. Even if she didn’t get anything, half the fun for her seemed to be just looking around at all the new products and outfits seemed to bring a smile to her face.

After yet another vigorous and loud fucking, Lauren had decided that the amount of jiggle and squish that she felt when her husband touched her body was unsatisfactory. As expected of her recently preppy persona, she made the instantaneous and non-negotiable decision to get “back to the gym.” Brian rolled his eyes and grinned. Each time Lauren took on a new appearance and personality, her memories of her life seemed to shift to accommodate her new reality. In this one, she must have believed herself to be someone who frequented the gym previously. It was technically true, Brian thought, but the 280 pound musclebound hulk that she’d been previously was most likely not what she was thinking about.

Brian rounded the corner to see his wife standing around in a pair of skintight exercise pants and a sports crop top that did a great job of emphasizing her already large boobs. She smiled broadly into her phone as she held it in front of her, snapping picture after picture of herself in various poses in the revealing outfit before switching to instagram and posting about how she was set to get to the gym with a number of fitness and beauty hashtags following.

(2)

“Hey Lauren? I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be wearing those outside of the fitting room for too long.” Brian said, skeptical of her behavior.

“Oh no worries. I’m just gonna pay up front and wear it out of the store.” She said, dismissing the concern without even once looking up from her phone.

“…Can you do that?” He asked.

“Oh yeah, totally. It’ll be fine.”

“Wait, what do you mean I can’t wear them out? They’re right here. Just scan this one twice.” Lauren griped upon finding out that the store didn’t allow customers to wear their unpaid for merchandise outside of the fitting rooms.

In the end, she didn’t need help choosing between which color outfit she was going to buy. Having made yet another unilateral decision to just get both of them, she’d strode up confidently to the cash register only to be told by a tired and irritated brunette that they wouldn’t sell her the clothes unless they could scan them. Furthermore, the cashier wasn’t about to walk around and dig in the entitled customer’s pants for a tag with her hand, so she simply denied the transaction.

“What the fuck do you mean I have to go all the way back? I’ve already stood in line!” Lauren griped, noisily making a scene.

“…Ma’am. There isn’t a line. You’re the only one making a purchase right now.” The cashier sighed, seemingly used to, but not in love with this type of behavior.

“Well we all know that the moment I get out of line, EVERYONE and their mother is going to need to buy cleats or something. I don’t see why you can’t just scan the other pants twice. They’re the same thing just a different color.” Lauren said, continuing to irritate the living hell out of the twenty-something year old woman.

(3)

“Lauren, let’s just go ba-“

“No!” She snapped, interrupting Brian’s attempt at being the voice of reason. “It’s not even about the clothes anymore. It’s about the fact that this bitch is going out of her way to enforce arbitrary rules that don’t fucking matter just so she can feel right at my expense. I’m not going back to that fucking dressing room!”

The cashier tensed, her scowl hardening before a stern glance from a nearby man in a sporty blue hat caused her to rethink her actions. Her expression softened and a smile returned to her face as she wordlessly scanned the pants on the counter a second time.

“Your total is $76.” She said sweetly.

Lauren smiled back in a clearly fake and performativity petty way.

“Thanks, sweetie. Was that so hard?” She asked, beaming at the woman.

The annoyed worker didn’t respond to her. Instead, she looked over to the other man again and said “Dan, I’m going on lunch” and walked into a door marked “employees only” to disappear.

Lauren chuffed a bit at her victory, pleased to have gotten her way in the end. But what she took as a win, Brian had seen as a red alert when it came to her changing behavior.