Confession (Patreon)

So- Last night Chadwick Boseman died. You know, THE Black Panther from the Marvel MCU. He lost a 4 year struggle with cancer. And hearing that really shot me down, a lot more than it really should have. And today- I lost it.

I was never the type to bottle up how I feel (I’m sure a bunch of you know that!) but I have been. A lot lately. Because I was afraid that the slightest rise in my blood pressure would pop my brain aneurysm, giving me maybe a few minutes before I die.

So it all just came out. Which I couldn’t understand because it’s not in my nature.

But- today it became clear to me- I’ve been bottling this in for years. This feeling that started as I continued this downward trend of sickness.

This feeling that I have no future.

It’s why I bounce from project to project more and more lately. Like, I need to do something GREAT and I need to do it NOW! Because I can’t do it later.

There’s so much I want to share. So many characters and storylines I want everyone to enjoy before the good Lord takes me.

And I’ve been afraid. At one point I couldn’t even eat or drink water- but found help in Chinese Medicine. Still, nobody knew what was causing it, and I went and saw SO MANY Doctors... but nobody cared to spend any time researching it.

Nobody wanted to help me.

Even now. I’ve had a brain aneurysm, located in a dangerous location (back of the brain) and it took me three months to finally get an appointment to have it looked at in TWO WEEKS.

It’s been terrifying.

But I keep telling myself “Fuck it. This is no problem. Life doesn’t hand you anything. Find the solution yourself.” And I start the hunt.

Recently, I even managed to get the unobtainable HGH from a Hormone clinic.

It is literally curing ALL OF MY SYMPTOMS.

ALL OF THEM.

But it won’t cure an aneurysm. Nothing will.

They can only try to plug it/snip it... and hopefully that won’t be after it’s too late.

At one point I had a massive migraine, which is how we discovered the aneurysm. After which I was having trouble when I typed because my mind would switch words out on me and I wouldn’t notice until afterward.

I even started having an intense brain fog and dizziness.

I was afraid to tell any of you about it.

But the HGH? Fixed that right up too.

But how did that happen? I probably had a brain bleed- but it wasn’t caught and I managed to survive. Which is crazy.

Anyway- that’s where we’re at. I’m already ready to get back to work and do more, even if I’m not sure if I have a future to look forward to.

But I’m gonna try my best- even if it’s slowing me down.

I just wanted to tell everyone because you all have supported me through all of this.

And again, I thank you.

I just wish I could finish HIPFC sooner, so you all could enjoy the whole thing.

Cheers.

MSC