Depression Confession and Previews (Patreon)

So FIRST: concerning HIPFC, the Visual Novel, I'll be able to get back to finishing that up when I get stateside again mid August. I kind of ran out of country without all of the recordings for the voice acting, etc.

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Aside from that, I'll just get to the confession: I'm feeling pretty down. ie: depressed.

There are times when I consider putting my pen down, deleting my Discord and just moving on to something else. I don't because, that's just crazy- I enjoy doing what I do.

But it was made worse while I was sick. Because during that time I got into FFXIV and joined a community (GUILD) without telling anyone who I was, etc etc. They were incredibly talkative (Like me!) and supportive and... I felt a lot more welcome there than I have "here" in a very long time.

See, I host a Discord because I'm a very social person. And at first the chat was booming! I had like, 3 rules. Be over 18, no pedo shit (Lolis included) and be respectful. And a lot of people really couldn't follow those three simple things.

Not only would they break the rules, but they'd always push the envelope every time I gave them a warning. Yes, I knew once I banned them I'd be slowly killing my own chat. But these were very simple, very important rules and I don't regret enforcing a one.

And I thought, maybe it was just me- maybe I was the problem. That nobody wanted to talk to me. But then I hear CAB is up and leaving, who makes a post talking about the same thing: That nobody talks or comments anymore.

You have to understand that I'm already a very social person. But the community is either silent or quickly gets overrun by a belligerent few.

And when I get rid of those types, and I'm left with the good people- I'm left with nobody to talk to. I've tried making posts to invite people to play games with me, hang out, chat... but the only ones who ever wanted to even STREAM with me were people who wanted something FROM ME. Can't we just, talk?

So my wife asked, "What do you want to talk about?" I dunno, normal stuff? How your day was? Dumb stuff. Bullshit. But nobody wants to do that anymore. They wanna talk politics, and upset each other and spread hate because they can't possibly understand why anybody could think anything different about some political figure or Deity.

I don't really wanna talk fetish talk, which is one of the reasons why I don't join any of the fetish chats. That and I can't be in any fetish chats that have underage users (And oh yes, they actually DO tell you they are underage- otherwise you would never be able to know!). And people think this isn't a big deal- but DISCORD thinks it's a big deal. Otherwise they wouldn't have a rule stating that ANY chat known for having underage users can be shut down at any time.

Anyway... I stopped playing FFXIV after flying to Taiwan and honestly, I'm afraid to go back. I had too much fun and I felt too welcome there (But I keep telling them I'll come back... because I really- really want to.). It's just that I'm REALLY TRYING to get back into my "Groove" that I had going before I got sick. When HIPFC was consistently updated and I was mostly content.

Plus ya'll give me hella mixed feelings. Because so many of you stayed and supported me while I was sick, even if you said nothing. And I can't forget that.

So I don't know. I just don't freakin' know.

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Anyway, to make myself feel better I spent the weekend just cranking out sprites for the GANT Kinetic Novel. Some of them you may recognize from the comic pages I've done. It kinda helped.

Also there's the latest commission I'm working on as a WORK IN PROGRESS on the end.

Cheers.