The Week (Patreon)

Wanted to go over a few things just because I feel I should.  Set the record on a few issues.

First off, don't forget I have a PERSONAL ARCHIVE.  This archive is for you all to enjoy, and will have my old stuff, and maybe even include new things I work on during my personal time.  You might even find some cool stuff from my past in there, like drafts of ideas.  

This, again, is a PERSONAL ARCHIVE and isn't a reward or even exclusive to patrons, but instead for my friends.  As I consider all of you my friends, I want to make sure you all know about it.

Now to get the hard part out of the way, I have been dealing with some emotional strain the last month.  Instead of slowing down to properly process it, I have been pushing myself even harder, and it's left me in a not too great state.  This pressure has made me even more introverted, and less likely to talk, and I don't think that's going to be a good long term plan.

As such I am likely going to take a week off starting next week.  I still plan to have an update this week like usual and am going to have something posted up automatically during the time off, but I won't be working during that time.  I feel I really need it.

Now to get into a few other things.

The Poppy Video

It's still happening, but after changing the renderer a few times to try and make it look "Pro" and even switching maps, I got into a bad spot where any time someone mentioned Poppy I got super anxious, leading to me avoiding it in favor of my other projects or ideas.  I don't want it to vanish as I put a lot of work into it and enjoy it, but I need people to be patient with it.  It's not going to be as fast as I hoped and I really just need to work on it as I like, similar to how I handled "The Last Night" (which I worked on for well over a year).  Please, just be patient.

The Webcomic

This is just one of the projects that I love, but always puts me in a weird state.  My plan right now is to make a specific day a "Comic Day" where I work on nothing but the comic and thus don't get so distracted on other things I lose my time I had to make it.  It's not that I am burned out on it, opposite in fact, it's just I keep telling myself "People want more animations they want them now make it or they will hate you...." because imposter syndrome is a bitch.  Bare with me as the next panel releases this weekend.

Update Issues

Ever since I started creating porn, I always preferred making what my gut told me.  This gives me the best work, like the Ahsoka BJ from a few weeks ago, which rolled out of me nice and smooth.  However a lot of times my brain and my gut have a battle, my gut will tell me what it wants to make, only for my brain to inform me that it's a bad idea, like it's too similar to an image last week, or people don't like the setting, or maybe you keep doing back to that pose a little too much or maybe the model has too many little problems, etc etc.

I have another new Ahsoka animation I was really enjoying, but my brain told me "Don't finish it until you figure out how to add all those other monster guys from the last one, your fans are not going to accept anything less.", and of course rather then figure it out, my gut and my brain war till the animation is shelved.  I don't need to mention how that digs me a bigger emotional hole and compounds the problem of slow updates.

I know this sounds like I am begging, but I need to know if you guys are okay with me telling my brain to fuck off an just make things that I love as they come to me, even if what I make might not be popular, or outstanding, or world shaking.  I could get so much more done if I stopped letting my brain ruin all my ideas out of fear from phantoms, haters that don't even exist.  The more people I can get to sign off on that, the more I feel I can get back to enjoying those gut driven animations that were the standard of my wow animations.

Aurexx

While this took a backseat following me signing on with Subverse, it's still very much something I want to do in the future.  I recently made some character design ideas using HeroForge, which I have to say is a really fun site if you like making miniatures or just messing with character ideas.  I have invested a bit into resources I can use for these future scenes, though models for all characters are still a bit off.  

Newsletters

Straight up going to be honest, but I never really liked the newletter idea.  I only did it because I was worried about specific people spying on me, and felt the newsletters were a little safer.  As I am less worried about that now, I am going to instead just do the front page updates like normal.  Speaking of updates, I hope to make "The Week" a normal thing, whether for just normal updates, previews of upcoming works, or just to talk about ideas or issues I am having.  I want more transparency.  Also don't forget you can sign into my discord and enjoy a special patron channel.  Few actually ever talk in it but I want my patrons to use it if they ever want to ask me anything.

To close this out, I want to say that I appreciate you all sticking with me for so long.  It has been a rough road, I lost a good chunk of you in the last year, either due to losing wow, or just lack of excitement due to my own struggles trying to find myself again.

I do worry each month what I may have to do, should I lose too many of you, but I will never hold anger in my heart for those that leave.  I am the one in charge of my actions and my output, and when I can't do enough to keep someone engaged, then that is on me, and no one else.  I am just glad even through it all, I still have enough support to do this for a living.  Not many other people get that type of favor, and for that I know I am still extremely lucky.  

Still, I do hope for my own stress I can bring some of the old patrons back someday, or at least bring in a lot of new blood. Hehe.

Stay safe, live well, and talk to you all again soon.