New Pick Up Lines (Patreon exclusive) (Patreon)

“Excuse me! Excuse me!” Jack heard a voice and heavy steps coming up from behind him.

“What do you want?” Jack asked without slowing down from his jog.

“That’s...that’s my body!” The man huffed, “Or it was my body before the Great Shift!”

“Oh no! You are not trying that line on me! Do you know how many people have tried that line on me? The first guy who tried it hadn’t been affected by the Shift at all. He used his ex-girlfriend’s wardrobe -- which didn’t even fit, by the way -- to try to convince me. But all he wanted was to try to sleep with me! Then there was that woman who was overweight, who just wanted to try to set up a claim to this body just in case they ever found a cure to swap people back. She was a total fraud. The list goes on and on!”

“But I’m serious! That was my body!”

“And every single one of them always says THAT too! You may be a nice guy, but I’m never going to find out because there’s no way I’m going to let you get close with that sort of line! I’ve been burnt too often; sorry!”