A Good Girl (Patreon exclusive) (Patreon)

I sat there with the device on my head as a punishment for my crimes. I kept telling them I was innocent; they didn’t believe me. They told me they were going to “fix” me thanks a to a volunteer. They’d transfer some of my so-called “bad” thoughts into them while giving me some supposed “good” thoughts. And it’d be enough to keep me out of trouble. But I had never been in trouble! I was innocent, I yelped again. I realized I wasn’t actually saying anything; as long as the device was active, I couldn’t speak.

The device felt like torture; like I was being ripped apart. For nothing! I didn’t do it! I’m innocent! I’m a good girl! Girl? No, that doesn’t feel right; it doesn’t fit with my memories. But it’s who I am. I can’t remember being a woman, but I am one? It doesn’t make sense! Make it make sense!

Maybe they messed up. Maybe they put the idea of me being a woman in my head by mistake. Or maybe I am a woman, and the memories of being a guy are the mistake? Why did I volunteer for this!? I don’t want these thoughts! I’m a good girl!

Then the machine turned off. I sat there. I had a hard time figuring out my sense of self. Was I the sweet and innocent volunteer? Or did I violently murder that man that night? The thoughts of bloodlust ran through my brain.

“How do you feel, Miss Chen?” A doctor asked.

“Fine. I was happy to volunteer,” I replied with a smile, but all I could think about was wanting to take a scalpel and stab him; to see his blood on my hands. I wasn’t sure what they had hoped to accomplish, nor was I sure who I actually was. But part of me couldn’t help but think in their efforts to cure one monster, they inadvertently created another.