Influencer (Patreon exclusive) (Patreon)

When my sister announced she was dropping out of college in order to pursue a career as an influencer, my parents were mad. I just thought it was funny. After all, my sister had only like a thousand followers or something -- not exactly a career-sustaining number. But I also didn’t like seeing my parents so upset, so I figured I’d do them a solid; I had a few tricks up my sleeve, after all.

The next morning, I took a few pills that should keep me knocked out, and while I waited for them to kick in, I snuck into my sister’s room. With the Medallion of Zulu around my neck, I touched it to my sister. I quickly became her, and she became me -- she awoke just long enough before passing out from the pills I took. Then it was down to business.

Instead of the makeup tutorials and fashion hauls my sister usually filled, I went to a barn. I began posting live as her to Instagram. I didn’t speak as I picked up the mix of mud and manure off the floor; I started by smearing it on my face; then I took a big clump in my hand and ate it. Then I quickly ended the livesteam.

I spent the next several hours in the shower trying to clean myself and get the smell out. It was hard to think about anything other than how gross I felt, but it was worth it to humiliate my sister. However, once I got out of the shower, I saw how my plan had backfired. It seemed my stunt had gone vital, my sister’s account now had over a million followers, and they were all demanding more gross-out content.

I knew I’d swap back with her before she awoke, but I certainly didn’t know what to tell her once she did. I’m sure she’d appreciate the fact that she got exactly what she wanted; I’m not sure she was going to pleased by what she’d have to do to keep it.