Black Hole Biceps (Patreon)

Thanks for your patience, everyone- here's the top tier reward for this month! James McCloud just punched his way through a black hole to teach some punk named Andross what happens when you mess with his kid!

    **********************************************************************************************

The inner workings of a Black Hole are one of the last great mysteries in the universe; all that scientists can say are based on predictions, hypotheses, and mathematical equations, as no one has travelled inside one and come back to tell the tale. 

James McCloud was one of those people, and he was not pleased about it. Once the most accomplished pilot in the Lylat System, founder of the famed Starfox arwing team and a hero on four planets, James had been betrayed on a critical mission to protect his home planet of Corneria. The tyrannical Emperor Andross had conspired with James’ own squadmate to trap the fox, and then threw James, sealed in his arwing spacecraft, into a black hole. He had been here for… well, admittedly, James wasn’t even really that sure. Outside his arwing’s windshield, he could see nothing but inky blackness, no way to tell how much time had passed. All but his arwing’s vital systems had malfunctioned, so he had no clock or log. Sometimes it felt like years, and other times it felt like just a few hours. In a dimension of space where even light was sucked into a void, time worked in odd ways. James wasn’t even sure how he was still alive- his sleek spacecraft should have been torn apart as soon as he was sucked in. 

Since he had time to think, James had hypothesized that he was only living because Andross wanted it that way. A mad scientist with supernatural powers, it was possible Andross manipulated the space around James and his arwing to leave him alive- if only just. Andross would think it was better for James to suffer for however long it took for entropy to break him down on a molecular level. But, in a twist of fate, Andross probably made James too durable; the Emperor’s telekinetic amplifier, a device of his own invention, turned Andross into a moon-sized, living bioweapon. With power like that turned on James, who knows what it may have done? He certainly felt heavier; denser, even. When he could move, to uselessly wriggle his joystick or push buttons that had long since lost power, his arms felt heavy, like his joints were made out of concrete. Point is, he could have spent years in the black hole as far as he knew, and besides the mind-numbing boredom, the creeping sense of dread, and the all-consuming burning desire for vengeance on Andross, James felt fine. He wasn’t wracked with hunger, exhaustion, or even thirst. Being stuck in a black hole while effectively immortal was a pretty dreadful fate, to be sure, but James had not given up hope, not just yet. So long as his son Fox McCloud still lived, Starfox still lived- and as long as Starfox lived, James knew there was someone out there trying to rescue him. All he had to do was wait.

Drumming his fingers on his console, James nearly ejected out of his seat when his comm link crackled back to life. 

“Team… planet… Venom. That’s no… it’s Andross! It doesn’t… We’re Starfox!”

James gasped; he knew that voice. It was his son! Lunging for the comm link, he pressed the send button. “Hello? Hello? Team Starfox! Team Starfox, do you copy? This is Commander James McCloud- Hello?”

The commlink crackled. “Fox, do a… roll!”

James was getting feverish. That was Peppy’s voice, his old squadmate! “Peppy? Peppy Hare! It’s James McCloud! Do you copy?!”

“Fox! Get this… off me!” A new, shrill voice called out. James frowned. He didn’t recognize them, but they sounded annoying. 

“Hello? Hello! James McCloud here, do you copy!”

“Fox! I… taking damage!”

“Team, don’t give… stay in the fight! It’s Andross!”

“Fox, help!”

James’ heart was about to burst out of his chest; all at once, he knew his team was alive, his son was close, and they were fighting Andross. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!” the fox snarled. “You useless bucket of bolts, work!” In his frustration, the fox slammed his fist against the windshield of his arwing. And, to his shock and horror, he somehow managed to punch right through three inches of duraquartz glass. Wind roared as the vacuum of space began sucking out the oxygen from his cockpit.

“Oh, crap, crap, crap!” James growled, trying to pull up his shield, but most of his systems were still offline. Saying a silent prayer to whoever was responsible for black holes, James closed his eyes, and gave his last thoughts to that of his son. He could hear more cracks in his cockpit, the crunching of metal, and finally, his seat crumbled and he felt himself lurch forward to his demise.

Or at least, so he thought. James waited one second, then two. He counted to ten. Why was he still breathing? Why were the sheer gravitational forces of the black hole not breaking him down to a molecular level? 

The fox opened his eyes. He was floating in the black hole; he could see the crumpled remains of his arwing not twenty meters away from him. He almost felt let down; for all the dread surrounding Black Holes, this was as harmless as floating in a pool. James took an experimental swing of his arm, and felt himself propelled forward, even if it did feel like swimming through jelly. The fox took a few more experimental swings of his arms to get his bearings, and was making good progress until he felt something tear; he looked down at his jacket, and saw he had nearly torn the sleeve right off.

“What the…?” James narrowed his eyes, holding up his arm. In the dim light cast from his ruined arwing, he could just barely make out the silhouette of his arm, and saw his bicep bulge, nearly as large as his head. 

The fox blinked, bringing his arm close and prodding his bicep as he performed an experimental flex. It surged in response, pushing back against his finger. “How… how is this possible?” he muttered. James took another swing with his free arm, and felt his jacket sleeve tighten. He felt like he was somehow manipulating the black hole; was he disrupting it? Absorbing it, maybe? Was this all just a hallucination from lack of oxygen?

James took a few more experimental swipes, and his arms billowed with each swing. It was, at first, a tiring effort- his limbs ached, and his clothes were reduced to tatters as he hunched over, his newly augmented back and sprawling shoulders bulging with hardened muscle. He could hear the groaning of his metal leg implants, and at first he was terrified; whatever would happen next, he would not be getting far without his legs. But as he glanced down, before his inflated pecs got too large for him to see his feet, he saw that even the metal and robotics were expanding to match the rest of his body.  

“Hell, Andross, what’d you do to me?” James muttered, giving his arm an experimental flex, his bicep swelling up like a balloon. “I almost wanna thank you.”

With each breath, James felt himself getting larger, and he moved with greater purpose and force, leaving the crushed remains of his arwing behind. But in the inky blackness, he saw a fleeting glimpse of something. Peering closer into the darkness, the growing fox took in a deep breath, and the blackness in front of him rippled, showing an opening in the black hole, and the light of stars and open space beyond. 

“The Lylat System!” James grunted, lunging for the opening as he recognized familiar constellations. Unfortunately, the black hole closed, encasing him in darkness again. “No!”

His mind racing and heart pounding, James swerved around, looking for another opening. In frustration, he threw his fist at the inky morass smothering him, and he nearly lost his balance as he felt the dense energy ripple around him. For a split second, there was another break in the black hole, and James felt another surge of energy shoot through him, his arms tensing with heavily roped muscle, his iron grid of a torso billowing out further.

“Did… did I just punch a black hole?” James rumbled. Then he smiled, rolling his sprawling shoulders as he raised his fists, as if he was in a boxing ring. “Okay, new plan. Beat my way out of here, thank Andross for whatever the hell he did to me, then kick his ass for picking on my pup.”

Kicking his trunk-sized legs to keep his balance, as if he were treading water, James felt his chest inflate as he breathed in, and took a series of powerful swings; he could feel his body surging in size, a burning heat shooting through his every vein as his muscles tightened and bulged. His back was spreading out as wide as the span of his arwing, his arms as powerful as photon cannons as they grew with each concentrated punch, the formerly impenetrable blackness rippling and fading as James absorbed the energy around him, exploding in size. The fox let out a deep chuckle, his entire mountain of a body rumbling as James drank in more dark matter, expanding with each breath.

Just outside the black hole, Starfox was swarming around the moon-sized Andross like hornets. 

Falco Lombardi frowned as he looked down at his scanners. “Hey, Fox! Keep your eyes peeled, I’m picking up a huge energy spike, just behind Andross!”

Slippy squeaked onto the comm. “Golly! D-do you think he’s got a hidden weapon?”

Fox frowned, reading his own scanners. “I wouldn’t be surprised- prepare your torpedoes, team, and be ready to fire on my mark. Until then, keep firing on Andross!” 

Peppy Hare frowned, tapping his comm link. “I’m getting some interference… something big. Listen in, Fox.”

Fox McCloud frowned, tuning into Peppy’s comm channel. “Team… Fox… this is James Mc…”

The young pilot’s jaw dropped. “Dad?” 

“Hey… kiddo!” The static was growing less and less frequent. Just above the looming monstrosity bearing Andross’ face, the space began to warp and ripple. There was a burst of energy that washed over Starfox’s arwings like a tidal wave, sending them into a tailspin. The nearby sun was blocked out by a nearly planet-sized force, casting them all in shadow.

“Foolish Starfox! Run away and cower in fear of Emperor Andross!” the monstrous, ape-faced being shouted, believing the surge of energy to be from his own power as the arwings scattered. There was an awkwardly quiet pause as the arwings righted themselves and merely floated, staring down Andross. Furrowing his heavy brow, Andross soon realized he, too, had been cast in shadow. Then, he felt something the size of an asteroid bump into him- a pair of massive fingers that flicked at him, making him spin. 

“Who dares?” Andross snarled. “I will destroy… oh, dear.”

Turning around to face his attacker, Andross was left staring up at a colossal fox, smirking down at him from a pair of galactic sized pecs. 

“Hey, Andy,” James’ booming voice rippled across space. “I think it’s time we got reacquainted- and I think it’s time you started picking on someone my size.” Smirking toothily, James’ head was bobbing in a sea of muscle as he hefted up an arm the size of lesser stars, flexing a bicep that dwarfed Andross’ entire form. Every part of him had been filled to bursting with the dark matter energy of the black hole, giving him titanic, immeasurable strength. He could see Andross struggling to keep his distance; he had his own gravitational pull at this point. Turning his gaze to the comparatively miniscule arwings, James nodded, righting his sunglasses.

“D-dad?” Starfox gasped. “How- what happened to you?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, pup. Andross’ little toys have all kinds of funny effects.” The planet-sized fox then turned back down to the ape-monster. He crossed his arms, pecs spilling over forearms that could punch planets in half. “Now if I knew you were going to bully my kid, Andy, I’d’ve never allowed a playdate.”

“This- this is impossible! You’re supposed to be languishing in a black hole for eternity!” Andross cried out.

“I know, funny, right?” James tensed immense thighs, his metallic leg implants groaning as the slightest kick from his engorged form sent Andross sprawling. “Did you know if you’re basically indestructible thanks to a telekinetic amplifier, you can punch a black hole? Ah, well. Too bad you never thought of that, huh?” He wound up his arm, mountainous shoulders rising dramatically, biceps and triceps tensed and mashed up against each other. The energy in his fist alone would destroy an entire fleet. 

“Wait- wait, no! Not the fa-!” Andross never finished his sentence, as James’ fist connected with the space emperor. Andross was shot into the inky mass of space with the power of a turbo engine, leaving him hurtling away like a shooting star. 

“Now that we’re through with that,” James grinned, turning his attention back to his son and the Starfox team. “Fox, want to help your old man chart a course for another black hole? I’m worried I might be a little lean in the legs.”