Chapter 186: Jimmy Fallon (2-F) (Patreon)
Content
(Might be a little raw. Tell me if I made a major mistake)
[Edward POV]
I walked behind the curtains as the crowd cheered for me. I waved at them with a smile on my face and sent them some flying kisses as I left.
Jimmy told the crowd about the final recording session, but before that, they would take a 20 minute break.
“Break?” I was confused when I heard it. “Shouldn’t it be time for my performance now?” I muttered to myself.
Suddenly, I heard some strident click clack of an urgent footstep coming towards me, together with the sound of someone bickering.
“You really aren’t supposed to be here!” Randall said with a nervous tremble in his voice. His eyes widened in shock as he saw me, but the lady in a yellow diner shirt with red lining lit up with excitement and agitation.
“You! How did you know me by name!?” Max Black asked as she strode forcefully towards me. I turned to her and said casually, not minding her tone in the slightest, “You didn’t bring me your cupcakes?”
Max is of average height with long dark brown hair she wears in waves, deep-blue eyes, and pale skin. She was wearing eyeliner and dark red lipstick. However, most of my attention went straight to her bust that popped out from her slightly unzipped polyester dress.
“That too! How did you know that! And why did you send ‘Hawaii 5.0’ detective to search for me…and my cupcakes!” Max asked furiously. “And tell me honestly! I had been wanting to beat up a teen pop star. ”
I smiled and said, “I don’t have the answer to that question. You can say that…a being…in the HIGHer dimension, sent the images inside my head. Get it? HIGH-er…”
“What?” Max narrowed her eyes in disbelief, then, she saw my hinting eyes. Her eyes widened in realization and she relaxed instantly, “OHH!!!!”
I stopped her from mentioning the subject and introduced myself, “Hi. I’m Edward.”
“Hi. You already know me.” Max replied with a slight sarcasm. Growing up neglected and being let down by everyone around her, Max used sarcasm to prevent anyone from getting close to her. She smiled and said, “I don’t believe that I shared a pot dealer with a teen popstar. I guess Kim’s business is really booming nowadays.”
“What was that?” Randall asked as he couldn’t catch what Max said. But we ignored him as we stared into each other.
Max turned slightly and asked with a slight nervous stutter, “So, you heard from Kim and you decide that you need to taste some stale diner cupcakes too? Or…were you looking for the ‘party’ ones? Cause I don’t make those…” She whispered, “Anymore…”
“Aww. And here I was looking forward to that.” I said with some sarcasm. She seemed taken aback by that, and smiled softly.
“The cupcakes are already sold out. But, if you can wait for a while,I could make some more.” She offered.
I paused to think for a second then said, “I can’t stay here for long. I need to fly back to California after this. How about, I get your phone number, and when I come here again, I will call you?”
“Wait. There’s no law against exchanging numbers with a kid, right? Cause I can’t go to jail again.” Max joked and seemed a little bit hesitant.
“You know, next time if I come here alone, I may be going to some parties and need an entourage.”
“I am IN!” Max replied instantly.
Jimmy Fallon walked backstage and rushed towards me, “Edward, can I talk to you about something– Wait, who’s this? Your sister?”
Max chuckled and muttered to herself, “That’s a possibility, given that my mom would spread her legs for anyone, and I never knew who my dad is.”
Jimmy was baffled but I laughed. “Max, why don’t you stay and watch the rest of the filming?”
Max asked, “What’s this for? I almost dozed off when I got inside the building, so I’m guessing any late night shows?”
“You…didn’t recognize me? I guess I should work harder in the future.” Jimmy smiled wearily and dropped his shoulder.
Max smiled and teased, “I don’t know any of the new shows, cause I’m too poor to own a tv. And if I want to watch something fun, I go directly to porn websites.”
“Underage boy there! Underage!” Randall chimed in urgently while pointing at me, hoping to get Max to behave.
“Ahh calm your tits…Like Mine is! I was in elementary school when I learned about all of that stuff. I’m sure that he already knew more than what he let others believe.”
I nodded in agreement and said, “Yeah. She’s right. And also Randall, don’t be a prude.”
“So, you’re going to ignore me here?” Jimmy acted depressed but kept a smile on his face.
I chuckled and said, “Right. I forgot about you.”
“O-Ouch.” He playfully clutched his heart.
“Max. Stay and watch the show. I’m going to get on stage for the finale. We can talk after that.” I turned to Max and offered.
She crossed her arms together and said regretfully, “I want to, cause you seem like a cool person…but, I need to go back to the diner. Or else the Russian Mafia Boss won’t pay me.”
I narrowed my eyes a little, and then remembered a little bit about the plotline of the series. It wasn’t until Han– the small Korean man took over the diner and hired Caroline too that Max’s life became better.
“Do you really care about the diner?” I asked.
She grinned and said, “No.” I laughed and let Randall escort her to the audience seat while I talked about a few things with Jimmy.
“I’ve decided! I’m going to take a risk, and do something that’s different from everyone else!”
“So you decided to take my advice. Good for you! Just don’t forget about your promises.”
“Interviews for Taylor, Coldplay, Ariana, and who else?” Jimmy asked.
I grinned and said, “I’ll send you a list.”
Jimmy chuckled for a bit before he said loudly, “This may offend you a little bit, but, I want to ask you another question, about the photo of you and Taylor, while on camera–”
He paused and then laughed, “You know what? This is the first time that I actually challenged how these late night shows work! I could feel the adrenaline rushing down my veins now.”
I was a bit startled then I rubbed my chin as I contemplated a decision. “What are you thinking?” I asked, intrigued about his ideas.
…
[General POV]
As Max was seated in an empty chair behind where the Dunphy’s were sitting, Haley turned towards her as she recognized Randall.
“Hey Randy.” Haley greeted.
“Randall!” Phil greeted him excitedly.
“Ahh. I miss this.” Randall muttered to himself. For him, New Yorkers were very mean. “Phil. Haley. Alex. Luke. Please talk some sense into Edward and let me come back to LA with you guys.”
Haley chuckled a bit and asked teasingly, “Why isn’t he letting you go back home?!”
“Just…He gave me a lot of work to do here. I don’t think I can go back until a month later.” Randall complained.
Randall was tasked to search for new housing for Edward and the staff members, and also a new office space for Edward’s company expansion in the East Coast.
“He saw that you were overpowered by a skinny white girl. I guess he has no confidence in letting you follow him around as protection.” Max added mockingly.
Haley saw Max’s face, and then, her eyes went to her boobs. She was shocked internally and asked in disbelief, “Umm…You are?”
“I’m Max. Edward wants my cupcakes.” Max answered ambiguously to tease Haley as she noticed the girl’s jealousy towards her.
[Haley’s commentary]
“So. I looked away for one second, and he hooked up with another big breast brunette with an attitude?” Haley joked but filled with a sense of wariness.
[Commentary ends]
The staff members were passing around a white card during the break. The male staff member asked, “Have you guys written a keyword yet?”
“No?” Randall asked in confusion.
“Write down a keyword in this, then, put it in the box up front.” He said to Max and Randall.
“I don’t have a pen.” Randall muttered, but the staff member had already gone away. Max turned to Randall and said, “Here. I got an extra pen.” Randall was excited, but then his smile froze as Max reached into her cleavage and pulled out a long pencil.
“Ummm…Phil, do you have a pen?” He asked urgently. “I have. Do you want to borrow it?” Phil replied, making Randall breathe in relief. Max cackled seeing Randall’s reaction and asked, “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No! I have a girlfriend! But we Asians are more conservative and we are uncomfortable with explosive sensualities. You see, in Asian culture…” Randall retorted, but Max dozed off as she listened to it.
“What? You talk too long, I become sleepy.” Max joked afterward.
…
The staff members became busy for a while as they needed to change the audience seating positions for the reshoot. They had to add a few more rows of audiences to get genuine reaction laugh tracks from them.
The interview started again, and it became smoother this time. It was a bit boring for those who had just watched it before, and unfortunate for the new audiences as Edward’s impression game wouldn’t be recorded for a second time.
Jimmy dropped his jaw before he held his head and screamed, “DARTH VADER AND OBIWAN! Yo- You should really consider taking acting jobs. It’ll be a waste for you not to.”
Edward chuckled a bit and said, “I won’t limit myself to just singing, so maybe one day though.”
“But…Rather than a Sith lord, we actually preferred you in… some romance genre…Maybe a story of Romeo and Juliet?” Jimmy said then he took out a huge poster made from Edward’s and Taylor’s picture snapped during the gala.
The way Edward’s gazing into Taylor’s eyes, her light blush, his charming smile, were all captured in that one picture. After the gala, the picture has gone viral and was published in a few magazines, hyping up Taylor and Edward’s celebrity relationship.
None of the fans actually knew that they didn’t meet each other for a while after the gala, and the relationship between them had become stalled. Still, both of them didn’t claim that to the work, and still made it seem like there was something between them.
As the crowd widened their eyes and exclaimed in excitement, Edward covered his face shyly and said, “I knew this will come out!”
Jimmy laughed out loud and teased Edward about the situation for a while. Then, Edward shared an anecdote where he was forced to follow Versace around, and how awkward it was for him being there.
“Alright Ladies and gentleman. Edward will play a song writing game with the keyword he collected from the studio audience, when we come back!” Jimmy announced as the scene cuts in for a commercial break slot.
Phil, Alex, Luke, Haley and the fans who knew about Edward’s song beforehand, were excited about the next session.
“Thank’s Edward.” Jimmy said after the filming sign went off. “Are you sure you can do this? You don’t actually have to rush it. We can cut out the part where you’re brainstorming for the song. If you really can’t-”
Seeing Jimmy’s worried face, Edward laughed and said, “If I can’t, then I’ll just pick another keyword to try on. Calm down. I got this.”
Jimmy sighed in relief and then called Megan Fox back on stage to watch the performance sitting beside him on stage.
“Oh. I thought you had left.” Edward said to Megan cheerily.
The actress smiled and said casually, “I was leaving. Then, I saw you guys were having fun, and decided to stay and watch. Jimmy, you really aren’t being fair. You conducted my interviews so callously.” She chuckled and softly placed her hand on Edward’s bicep before giving it a soft squeeze.
Jimmy was taken aback from the accusation. He swallowed his retort and kept it inside his heart. Being a top actress, she really didn’t want to come here today, but it was necessary as part of her movie contract to promote ‘Jennifer’s Body’.
She only spoke about the film, and nothing about her personal life, making her interview quite boring.
“Maybe Jimmy felt a bit intimidated by your gorgeousness, so he couldn’t do his best before this.” Edward said pseudo flirtingly and at the same time giving Jimmy a chance to breathe.
“Oh. You’re sweet.” Megan chuckled softly and pinched Edward’s face lightly. Edward smiled and added, “Your new movie is rated R, right? I felt bad that I won’t be able to see it on the big screen. But, I’ll make sure to support the DVD release.”
“It’s not a very good movie. But, I don’t think that you’ll be disappointed.” Megan said with a sultry voice before she leaned in and whispered to Edward’s ear, “There’s me, being topless in it…and also a scene where I was making out with… another girl.”
“Umm…” Jimmy felt like he was the third wheel there. Then, he saw the sign from the staff members and said to Megan, “You guys can continue talking after Edward’s filming. Ed, you should go to Root’s first to get shelter– I mean, to familiarize yourself with the equipment.”
“Yeah. I really should.” Edward said casually. Megan was a bit taken aback as she saw that Edward didn’t react to her teasing at all. It made her want to tease him more.
“Welcome back.” Jimmy said to the camera after the filming began. Megan sat with her legs crossed slightly on the couch next to Jimmy.
“A special performance tonight by our amazing guest, Edward Newgate. He was so wonderful, that even Megan decided to join us back on stage.” Jimmy jokes.
Megan chuckled slightly and bantered for the very first time on today’s filming, “Just to be clear, I come back here, ONLY for Edward. I’m a huge fan of his.”
The camera cuts to where Edward was preparing, where he waved toward Megan, and she shyly waved him back. The crowd cheered thunderously as they saw Edward again.
Jimmy knew he didn’t have much time left because the crowd were already going crazy with anticipation for the performance. He took out a black box and put it on top of his desk.
“ A little bit of history behind this game. Edward challenged the entire structure of the music industry when he played a song creating game during a concert he opened – Which was Taylor’s concert.” Jimmy’s eyes lit up.
“So, here’s how he does it. He listened to the keywords, or stories the audience had given him, and then he tried to make a brand new song based on that.”
“Megan, you’re going to help Edward here, pick out a keywords card that we had the audience submit before this, and let’s see if Edward could still surprise all of us.” Jimmy said as he held the edge of the box.
The crowd cheered explosively after they knew what they were writing for before this. The cheer didn’t stop as Megan reached into the hole on top of the box, rummaging the pieces of paper inside of it.
“Are you trying to find the paper that you wrote?” Jimmy joked with Megan. She grinned mischievously and said, “Yes. But I couldn’t find it. I’ll just pick up the first one I grab.”
She took out a piece of paper and gave it to Jimmy. “The word that Edward needs to make a song with is…” He opened the paper with excitement, and became a bit irritated when he read the words on it. “I don’t care?”
He kept a smile on his face, but the corner was twitching. He thought that someone tried to be funny, and wanted to do the entire thing again.
The crowd was baffled when they heard it and they turned around to see who had written it.
“Hey, that’s mine!” Max shouted excitedly while waving her hand toward Jimmy. She did write it as a joke before, and she also couldn’t care less to think about a keyword. She had never been picked for anything, and was really excited that her card was drawn up that she forgot about her carelessness.
Edward saw it and chuckled. He intervened before Jimmy could reshoot.
“Alright. So the keyword is ‘I don’t care’, right? Hmm…” Edward rubbed his chin, pretending to think. “I think I can do it.”
The crowd gasped in awe, then they clapped thunderously for Edward.
“It may be a little bit rough.” Edward joked. “But I think that I can come out with a good song.”
Phil shouted, “Edward! You’re amazing!”
“I just need to find a beat for it first.” Edward said as he sling an acoustic guitar. He played a few melodies before settling on one and said, “I think this one’s great. I’ll use this one.”
[Song: I don’t Care, Ed Sheeran, Acoustic. (Live at Abbey Road version)]
Edward showed a teasing smile as he leaned into the guitar. He used a loop pedal to maintain the beat and melody while singing.
He grabbed the microphone and sang , “♫♪I'm at a party I don't wanna be at! And I don't ever wear a suit and tie, yeah♫♪”
“♫♪Wonderin' if I could sneak out the back
Nobody's even lookin' me in my eyes♫♪”
“♫♪Then you take my hand
Finish my drink, say, "Shall we dance? Hell’s Yeah!"
You know I love ya, did I ever tell ya?
You make it better like that♫♪”
The crowd cheered, but it was cut off from the performance audio. Edward’s magnetic voice captivated the entire studio. Even the camera-man was enthralled by it and forgot to cut the scene to show Jimmy’s face.
Edward continued, “♫♪Don't think I fit in at this party~~Everyone's got so much to say (Yeah). I always feel like I'm nobody, mmm…Who wants to fit in anyway?♫♪”
“Awww.” Haley exclaimed with a motherly look on her face. Jimmy and Megan involuntarily swayed their body to the song even though they tried to be professional.
Edward sang the chorus, “♫♪'Cause I don't care! when I'm with my baby, yeah!
All the bad things disappear♫♪
♫♪And you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody
I can deal with the bad nights
When I'm with my baby, yeah♫♪
♫♪Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♫♪”
The crowd automatically thought about the story Edward shared about him and Taylor at the gala before this. Even Jimmy was shocked by how Edward correlated the two things, and was thoroughly impressed.
Max covered her mouth and muttered in shock, “He really used it! And the most important part too!”
“♫♪'Cause I don't care as long as you just hold me near! You can take me anywhere! And you're making me feel like I'm loved by somebody! ♫♪”
Haley listened to the lyrics carefully despite her jealousy.
“♫♪I can deal with the bad nights
When I'm with my baby, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♫♪”
The Dunphy sisters realized something. Alex muttered, “Wait a minute. Take him everywhere? Bad nights? This..” She turned to Haley and stopped her sentence there. Then, Alex realized that Edward was singing while looking at their direction, further confirming her suspicions.
“♫♪We at a party we don't wanna be at
Tryna talk, but we can't hear ourselves
Read your lips, I'd rather kiss 'em right back
With all these people all around♫♪”
The second Phil heard Edward say the word ‘lip’, he covered Luke’s ear slowly. Then, he sighed in relief after what he worried about didn’t happen.
Edward took out the microphone from the stand and went towards the crowd, leaving his loop pedal behind. He walked towards the audience and gave the front row high fives while he sang.
“♫♪I'm crippled with anxiety
But I'm told it's where I'm s'posed to be
You know what? It's kinda crazy 'cause I really don't mind
When you make it better like that♫♪”
“♫♪Don't think we fit in at this party
Everyone's got so much to say, oh yeah, yeah
When we walked in, I said I'm sorry, mmm
But now I think that we should stay… ♫♪”
Edward rushed to the loop pedal as he prepared for the chorus. He held the guitar that he sling to his back again and played it as he sang.
♫♪ 'Cause I don't care~~ when I'm with my baby, yeah!!
All the bad things disappear !!♫♪
♫♪Yeah, you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody!! ♫♪
♫♪I can deal with the bad nights!! when I'm with my baby, yeah!!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh .Oh yeah, yeah, yeah ♫♪
♫♪'Cause I don't care as long as you just hold me near
You can take me anywhere!
And you're making me feel like I'm loved by somebody
I can deal with the bad nights when I'm with my baby, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♫♪”
Edward turned to the synthesizer microphone and sang the next verse while recording it.
“♫♪I don't like nobody but you, it's like you're the only one here
I don't like nobody but you, baby, I don't care
I don't like nobody but you, I hate everyone here
I don't like nobody but you, baby, yeah♫♪”
♫♪I don't like nobody but you, it's like you're the only one here
I don't like nobody but you, baby, I don't care
I don't like nobody but you, I hate everyone here♫♪”
He returned to the main microphone and continued.
“♫♪I don't like nobody but you, baby, yeah♫♪
The crowd cheered enthusiastically and they stood up from their seats.
♫♪'Cause I don't care
When I'm with my baby, yeah
All the bad things disappear
And you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody ♫♪
♫♪I can deal with the bad nights
When I'm with my baby, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh (Oh yeah, yeah, yeah)
Edward played the loop vocal while singing the next verse, merging the two together beautifully and in harmony.
♫♪'Cause I don't care as long as you just hold me near /Loop : ♫♪I don't like nobody but you, it's like you're the only one here♫♪
♫♪You can take me anywhere/Loop: ♫♪I don't like nobody but you, baby, I don't care♫♪
♫♪And you're making me feel like I'm loved by somebody/Loop: ♫♪I don't like nobody but you, I hate everyone here♫♪
I can deal with the bad nights/ Loop: ♫♪I don't like nobody but you, baby, yeah♫♪
The loop played out and he sang, “♫♪When I'm with my baby, yeah!♫♪
♫♪Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♫♪
Edward smiled toward the crowd as he sang the last verse, “♫♪I don't like nobody but you, it's like you're the only one here! I don't like nobody but you, baby, I don't care!♫♪”
The music slowly fades out, leaving only Edward’s vocals.
♫♪I don't like nobody but you, I hate everyone here
I don't like nobody but you, baby, yeah♫♪
“Give it up for Edward Newgate Ladies and Gentleman!” Jimmy Fallon stood up and cheered enthusiastically. The performance ended there, and so was today’s filming. \
Edward’s forehead was sweaty and he breathed heavily as the crowd shouted his name. He waved towards them, causing more intense cheers. Edward bowed towards the audience, and then made his exit from the stage. The cheers didn’t stop even after he had left.
Jimmy couldn’t hide his grin from the huge success that today’s filming had achieved, and he vowed, “Damn. I should get him here at least once a week!”
Unfortunately for him, he wouldn’t ever be able to get his wish.