Chapter 155: Shenanigans (Patreon)

(A short 4th of July Arc)

[Edward POV]

“Hi Mrs Jenna’s Mom.” I greeted the bikini wearing blonde woman as she opened the front door.

“You don’t know my name?” She asked with a seductive smirk as she welcomed me inside.

“I know, but I’m confused whether to call you Mrs Karlsen or Mrs Mckenzie.” I said honestly as I entered the house.

She chuckled while her hand slowly patted my arm, “Just call me Alex.”

“I can’t. Otherwise the smaller Alex will get mad.” I joked. “I can do Alexander…”

She scoffed, “Not Alexander. That sounds like a man’s name.”

“To be honest, ‘Alex’ sounds like a man’s name too.” I said casually, and at this moment, Alex and Enid finally got out of the car and gathered together with me. Alex gave me a side eye before greeting the mother and they went to change into their swimsuits immediately.

“Jenna’s still in her room. She said she wants to finish watching ‘Enies Lobby’? I don’t know what animation she was watching, but she binged it every single day this week.” Alexandria told me.

“Wait. Jenna is already at Enies Lobby? Oh Shit.” I cursed. Alexandria was taken aback and became serious immediately. “What’s going on?” She asked.

“Well I don’t think that Jenna will come out of her room today.” I said. “Why?” Alexandria was alarmed and she quickly walked up the stairs to go to Jenna’s room.

“Honey, are you alright? Edward is here.” The sexy mother opened Jenna’s unlocked door, and was stunned when she saw Jenna sobbing in a heart wrenching manner as she watched a pirate crew set fire on their ship.

“Gomen Ne…” Merry’s voice sounded, causing Jenna to wail, “MERRY!”

“What-what-what?” Mrs Alexandria was confused, but I went next to Jenna while trying to hold back my tears too. “MERRY!!!” I joined in.

“WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!” Alexandria exclaimed, but no one would answer her. Jenna hugged me as we watched Merry’s last moment with the Strawhats, and she cried in my embrace for over half an hour after the episode ended.

By that time, Enid and Alex were already ready to play by the pool, and were confused by the fact that Jenna and I were still in her room. They knocked on the door, and saw that Jenna was calming down from her crying.

“What happened? Did Edward bully you?” Alex asked while giving me an accusatory look.

“Oi.” I retorted with a deadpan stare, making Jenna laugh a bit. “Yes. Edward bullied me.” She said suddenly.

“Hey!”

“What? If you didn’t watch the anime when we had a study session before, I won’t be hooked like this! And I won’t cry because of a ship-”

Jenna said in faux-anger, but was interrupted by Alex. “LALALA! NO SPOILERS! I just got to Water 7!” Alex stuck her fingers inside her ears to avoid hearing the information.

“Get him!” Enid shouted with a grin, and all 3 of them attacked me at the same time.

“Ouch, who’s biting! Hey! Who’s hand is touching my ass!!”

After getting ‘bullied’ by the girls, Jenna went to change her clothes.

Jenna was picking her outfit while I was still inside her room, but she had no shame of changing in front of me. She even asked me about the bikini she was going to wear.

“What about this one Ed?” She placed a lacy black bikini on top of her dress as she looked at me in a coquettish manner. Alex and Enid looked at each other before they nodded knowingly.

“Come with us for a sec.” Both of them grabbed Jenna’s one arm each before dragging her into her closet. After 5 minutes, Jenna walked out while wearing a boring one piece swimsuit and a face filled with discontent.

“Oh damn, I forgot my swimming trunk.” I muttered as I suddenly thought about it.

“Huh? So what are you going to do?” Alex teased, “There’s no other male in this house, so you can’t borrow it. Unless you want to wear a girl's bikini?”

“He should wear a thong!” Enid exclaimed. I ignored Enid and said, “It’s fine. I just won’t enter the pool. Enid, the album’s ready. I’ll set one aside for you as soon as the production starts.”

“Yeay!” Enid squealed before hugging me from behind. “Piss off molester.” I pushed her head, making her take a few steps  back. That didn’t dampen her enthusiasm, and she kept asking me about the album song list.

“Ed, will you set aside one for  me too?” Jenna asked coquettishly. “Sure, it’s 15.99.” I replied in a deadpan voice. She was astonished and speechless after that.

“No friend’s discount?” Alex asked teasingly.

“Oh no. I marked up the price for my friends. You can get it out there for only 14.99.”

“WHAT…” Jenna and Alex were both speechless, but when they saw my smirking look, they realized that they had been teased.

“You jerk.” Alex cursed with a smile.  We all went to the pool, and while the girls were getting ready, I heard a voice calling for me from afar.

“Edward, can you help me?” Mrs Alexandria called.

“Sure.” I replied casually as I walked towards her. She was lying on her belly and gave me suntan lotion when I was near.

“Can you help rub this on my back?” She asked as she untied her bikini tops, showing me her bare back.

I was stunned for about 2 seconds before I shook the lotion bottle, “Alright.” I helped her without any embarrassment, which annoyed her a little. So she upped the teasing by making some noises as I slather the oil on her back, “Ummm…You have great hands Ed. It feels good.”

I laughed a bit and before I could finish it up, she asked, “Can you do my legs too?”

“Um..Sure.” I hesitated for a bit before I politely helped her. I started from behind her knee going up almost till her but before I went down again. My massage skills instinctively kicked in at this time, and it turned her fake sounds into a real one.

“Umm… It feels so good! Can you do it more?” She asked with begging eyes after I finished up. “You should tan now. Or you’ll lose sunlight.” I said with a smirk as I slapped her thigh 2 times.

She groaned before grabbing the suntan oil and started pouring it on top of her bikini, making it a bit translucent. She caught my eyes as I accidentally gazed on it, and said, “You want to help me rub it here too?”

“Well…Maybe next time.” I said before walking back to my friends. Alexandria smiled in satisfaction before licking her lip.

I had to get out of there quickly as she kept giving me some suggestive look. Not that I hate or repulsed by it, but I drew the line at my friend’s mother. Sisters might be okay. A hot aunt is considerable. But not their mother.

I went to sit by the pool when Alex’s head popped out of the water. Before she could open her mouth, I scolded her, “Hey. You missed an important news story.”

“Huh? What about?” She tilted her head, confused.

I told her about Jay and Gloria’s story, in which Alex rolled her eyes and said, “I can’t know all of what my family is doing. I have my own life too.”

“What a joke.” Jenna suddenly chimed in, causing Alex to be embarrassed. Jenna added, “Or, were you distracted because you have been texting with Finneas 24/7?”

Alex blushed and splashed some water at Jenna. Enid, who was floating nearby, became collateral damage and she choked on the water afterward.

“Sorry.” Alex apologized to Enid.

Enid waved it off before asking me, “Ed, are you cameo-ing in Twilight?”

“Huh? Where did you get the news? Of course I wouldn’t.” I replied, a bit shocked by the information.

“Really? But there’s a lot of articles about it?” Enid placed her hand on her chin and thought deeply, “Hmmm…Wait. It’s not an article. I read about it in the forums. People have been trying to get you to cameo.”

“Over my mom’s dead body.” I replied while shuddering.

“Why your mom?” Jenna asked, confused.

“Well I’m still too young to die.” I replied jokingly before I took off my shirt, revealing my muscular stature.

All 3 girls blushed while Jenna’s mom lowered her sunglasses before whistling. I shrugged at their reaction and threw the clothes far away. I needed to do that because the girls were splashing a lot and I wanted to keep the shirt dry.

“Close your mouth Enid.” Alex rolled her eyes at her friend. Enid snapped out of her state and wiped her drool, “Sorry. It's too sudden.”

“Perv.” I teased Enid, making her submerge half her head in the water as she blushed.

“Oh right. You know how my dad has been watching One Piece with me?” Alex said suddenly.

“Yeah. You have a dad. Stop bragging.” Jenna suddenly teased. I gave her a high five as Alex was stunned, before I turned back to Alex, “Sorry. The timing was too good. Continue.”

“Well…He insisted we watched it from the beginning together, but when we watched Arlong Park, he cried…like a gut-wrenching sobbing kinda cry.”

“That’s interesting.” I muttered.

“Yeah. But then, when we watched Dr Hiluluk, or any other sad episodes after that, he didn’t cry anymore. He didn’t even cry when Luffy and Usopp were fighting, so that made me curious.”

I nodded as I was curious too. Alex continued, “Turns out. He was watching the show in advance before he watched it with me to give himself a pre-cry at the sad moments so that he won’t cry in front of me to make himself look cooler.”

“Did he succeed?” I asked.

“I can see he held back his tears and sob, so not so much.” Alex said. I laughed out loud before I asked, “Didn’t he say that showing emotions is part of being a sexy modern man? Why is he trying to cover it up when watching the show with you?”

Alex looked a bit guilty and said, “I think…it’s my fault. I told him I don’t want to watch the show with him if he cried like that when we watched Nami’s backstory together.”

“Ahh… It is your fault. You don’t have to think about it anymore.”

Alex splashed some water at me angrily. Jenna smiled and said, “I kinda wish that I had someone to watch the show with now.”

“I think I want to start watching it now that you guys keep talking about it.” Enid suddenly interjected.

“You go and wolf out with the rest of your Twilight fanatics.” I chased her away, causing her to pout. “I WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS BEFORE THE SUMMER ENDS!” She vowed before splashing Enid and Jenna with the water. They got into an intense water fight immediately, and I ran away from there to avoid getting sucked into the fight.

Suddenly, my stomach gurgled. “Oh, right. Lunch.” I muttered.

“Edward, should I order some pizza?” Alexandria asked as she noticed that it was time for lunch.

“Don’t worry. I got this. Jenna told me she wants to try my cooking. I assume you guys went shopping for the ingredients this morning?”

“Ah right. We did. I’ll leave it all to you. Just…don’t make it too fatty Okay?” Alexandria said in a worrying manner. Honestly, she only ate salad and other diet food in the house, so their kitchen was basically empty. It wasn’t until they went shopping this morning that it got filled up.

After half an hour, the 3 wet girls walked into the kitchen while drying themselves with a wet towel while Mrs Karlsen was still tanning out in the backyard.

“Wait. Shirtless apron. I need to take a picture of this.” Enid’s eyes lit up as she saw me standing behind the kitchen counter. I smiled and posed as she snapped a picture of me and shared it with the members of our group chat.

“Welcome to my Only Pans. Today, I’m going to serve you guys a delicious shrimp aglio olio recipe handed down in my family for generations.”

“Only Pans?” Alex was confused.

“Not important. Try it.” I pushed the plates towards them before putting a parmesan garnish on top of them. Jenna was excited and she was the first one to grab a fork and try out the food.

“This is amazing!” She muttered with her eyes full of awe after tasting it. I smiled and said, “I still have garlic bread in the oven, and Caesar salad for your mom. I’m thinking about making zabaglione with strawberries for dessert, so wait for 10 minutes.”

“Ah. Ed. Marry me.” Enid proposed after taking a bite. “I can’t live without your food after this.”

I snorted and said, “Nah. You’re too short.”

“HEY!” Enid retorted while Jenna and Enid glared at me too as all 3 of them were similar in height.

I slid the dessert cup towards the 2 of them, and their pouting faces lit up immediately.

“Wait…I’m allergic to strawberries.” Jenna muttered in a guilty manner as she saw I was going to serve her too. “I know. That’s why I made yours from mango.” I smiled as I slid the desert cup to her.

Her face turned red and she lowered her head immediately as she ate the dessert quietly. Alex scoffed and bad mouthed me, “Lady Killer.”

Enid joined in, “Heart Breaker.”

“Taylor Lover.”

“Love Manipulator.”

“Alright. Enough.” I stopped them before they could continue. Mrs Karlson tried the food after she got enough suntan, which was an hour after the girls finished with their lunch.

“Oh right. What are your plans for tomorrow?” Enid asked.

“I am planning on developing my spotify app. Why?” I asked.

“Well…” Enid was a bit restless, so Alex spoke for her, “Tomorrow is her birthday.”

My eyes lit up and said, “Oh. You’re finally becoming a teenage wolf?”

“Shut up! Anyway, I have no plans for it. So… I was thinking of celebrating it with you guys.” She said tsunderely.

I laughed and patted her head before saying, “My house is already finished with the construction. Why don’t you guys come over?”

Alex’s eyes lit up, “Your lab is also ready?”

“The place is, but some equipment hasn't been delivered yet. It’s only half complete, but we can play with the toys there.”

Jenna and Enid rolled their eyes at the excited Alex as they had no real interest in science. After a while, I went back home by taking a ride with the Dunphy’s, and Phil suddenly asked, “Ed, have you bounced on the trampoline before?”

“I don’t think I did.” I replied honestly.

Phil was excited as he invited, “I was planning to teach Luke about trampoline skills today. Why not join us?”

“Oh.” I answered flatly. “Well I have a lot of work to do today. And I already promised to hang out with Haley and study new fashion styles.”

“Huh? Really? Was it your plan, or was it Haley’s plan?” Alex asked with a knowing look.

“Haley’s.” I replied honestly. “She’s going to come over.”

“Oh. That’s too bad, but fair. She invited you first after all.” Phil muttered.

Alex was skeptical, “Dad, you really will let your young, beautiful teenage daughter to hang out in a guy’s room all evening without anyone monitoring them?”

“They are learning. So I don’t think I need to be worried.” Phil said.

“You’re asking the wrong guy. You should ask your mom that question.” I gave Alex a hint. She scoffed at me before saying, “I know. I will do that as soon as I get home.”

…

While I was reading some news articles about me on my laptop in the living room, Haley suddenly walked into the house, “Lock the door! My mom is planning on coming.”

I laughed a bit and said, “Nah. She won’t. She just ‘realized’ that she has a few more documents to work on. It’ll take her until dinner to finish it, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s sinister.”

“Well I am her boss.” I joked before calling Haley to sit right next to me. She opened up her doodle book and was excited to share to me about her inspirations. And I was surprised when I saw that ALL of her male designs were catered specifically to fit my image.

I hugged Haley suddenly while she was still talking, which stunned her. “Umm…What?”

“Nothing. I’m just really fucking touched… That’s all.” I muttered before standing up and grabbed my laptop bag.

[Haley’s commentary]

“That’s what works for him? I mean…” Haley tried to cover up her smile. “I honestly didn’t expect that.” She added. “And I didn't even plan it.”

[Commentary ends]

“Here. This is for you.” I handed her the blank cd case. She grabbed it and was confused, “What’s this? Your album?”

“No. It’s much better than my album. It’s a compilation of every song I have sang so far. Don’t tell anyone else I gave it to you.” I muttered with a smirk.

Her eyes lit up and she was flattered, “What? Why did you give it to me?” She twirled her hair as she avoided gazing straight to my eyes. I didn’t answer and changed the subject instead, “I have one last final interview on the morning before I flew to Wisconsin. Can I snap the design and give it to Pepper now? I want to wear it during that interview.”

“Oh…Sure! It’s…yours anyway.”  Haley said coyly while covering her blushing face.

“Ah, Alex told me you want to follow me on tour?” I asked after sending the pictures to my company. Haley was taken aback before she got angry, “I did! But my mom won’t let me go.”

“I agree with her. Honestly, the schedule is kinda inhuman, so it will be pretty miserable for the intern to follow us along.” I explained, but Haley was still unsatisfied.

“Well if it’s inhuman, then why are you pushing yourself to do it?” She asked angrily.

“Cause I’m tough enough.” I said while flexing my biceps. She couldn’t hold back her laugh, and we hung out until it was almost midnight. We had dinner with my aunt and dad, and spent all night together inside my bedroom.

“Hey, your mom is calling.” I said as I saw her phone screen. She was sitting on my bed while I was typing on my desk.

“Ugh…I’m not finished yet.” She groaned in frustration. I laughed and said, “Well you better go now before she storms the front door.”

“Can’t you give her more work to do?” Haley asked with pitiful eyes.

I chuckled and said, “Well not right now…Maybe tomorrow.”

“Ugh. Alright, then come on.” She suddenly lay down on my bed and patted the mattress beside her. I was confused and she explained, “I’ll help you go to sleep, same as before.”

“Thanks, but I still need to (Yawn)... finish up.”

“Don’t argue. Come here.” She patted the  mattress insistently, so I sighed and went to lay down next to her. She was satisfied and said, “Okay. Now. Go to sleep.”

“Only because you’re making me too. If you got in trouble with your mom after this, it's not my fault.” I said in a casual manner.

Haley laid on top of my chest as we cuddled together. I wish that I could say that I didn’t miss it, but honestly I was looking forward to it. I didn’t want to get her into trouble so I activated my [rest] skill to fall asleep quickly.

Unexpectedly, I found myself in an open field right after the clock struck midnight.

“What the…Today?” I shouted, confused.

[General POV]

“Aww…He’s so cute when you’re sleeping.” Haley whispered gleefully as she saw that Edward was already asleep. “Even faster this time. I guess I’m like his sleeping pill.” She laughed, but then her face turned ashen as her ear picked up on something weird.

“Hmm? His heart beat…” Her eyes shook in horror, and she patted Edward’s face a few times to wake him up, “Ed…ED!!! TEEEEDDD!!! CAMILLLAAAAA!!!!” Haley shouted for the adults immediately.

Ted and Camila barged through Ed’s bedroom door in their pajamas. “What happened?” Ted asked urgently. Haley was crying and said, “Edward is…not  breathing.”