Chapter 280: Fizbo (1) (Patreon)

(Btw, we're at chapter 280, but the episode is the 9th episode of season 1)

[Edward POV]

“Um, I have a question.” Vanessa asked as we read our lines. Wearing a shoulderless shirt and a short skirt, she shyly raised her hands up to avoid disturbing the others who were in heated discussions, especially Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt who were trying to nail their chemistry for the characters.

 Judd Apatow turned to her and smiled, “Yes?”

“I’m still confused as to why I’m a nurse. Isn’t that perpetuating the Filipino stereotype?” She asked in a joking manner. Judd turned to me and called, “Yeah Edward. Isn’t that perpetuating stereotypes?”

I scoffed at the director before turning to Vanessa, “It is a stereotype. A good one. We reinforce good stereotypes and avoid bad ones. Like ‘Me so horny’ for the asian woman tropes. Or,... do you want something like that?”

She raised her hand towards me and grumbled, “No! I’ll be a nurse, thank you very much!”

As Judd and I chuckled, Judd asked curiously, “I’m still not convinced about this, are you really able to get George Lucas to allow us to use his set?”

I smirked and casually said, “I even negotiated with him to use a scene from Star Wars. Tom Ryder– RG’s character, needs some name recognition in the universe if we want to say that he’s a big movie star there. George owes me, so he’s letting me use that.”

Vanessa suggested, “You know, he could release some albums too. N-Not really releasing it, but you know, in that movie…”

Ryan Gosling heard the suggestion and chuckled, “That’ll be pretty fun.”

Paige and Judd took note of the suggestions before Judd said, “Although it’s really in his character to do that, we don’t think that his brother will let him.”

As the brother character was my character, I knew him best so I said, “He’ll stop it if it doesn't get up to standard.”

Judd suddenly got an idea and became excited, “Ooh! He could’ve made some videos behind his brother’s back, but was stopped by Colt (The brother) before it could be released, just like his highly sensual homoerotic film.”

Vanessa was astonished when she heard the last sentence. “Wait, did I miss something?” She began checking back the script with an excited expression. “I only just read my part.” She added shyly.

Rolling my eyes at Vanessa, I rubbed my chin and said, “It could be a point of conversation between him and Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt). That’s when we could start to change people's perspective on him. ‘Turns out, there’s more to this guy than a narcissistic prick after all.’ And we can use the song to market the movie when it hits theaters.”

“Wait, is this really happening?” Ryan asked with disbelief as he looked at me, his lips curled upwards in excitement.

I joked, “Congrats. You’re now a singer too. But we still need to have specifics. Will he be in a Boy Band? Emo Band? Country? Metal? Honestly, I’d really love to see you sing in an emo band.”

Emily interjected teasingly, “I’d really like for it to be heavy metal.”

Judd laughed and said, “Boy band… sounds kinda good. But, it’ll be better if the song can be both funny, and good. It doesn’t even have to be a masterpiece. As long as it fits the theme of the story.”

I rubbed my chin for a while as I thought about it. “Hmm…I may be able to make one or two songs today.”

“TODAY?!” Emily suddenly widened her eyes and stood up. As everyone turned towards her in shock, I nodded in confusion and replied casually, “..Y-Yeah? Today so we can plan out the other things. I mean, if I have an instrument, I could give you guys a sample–”

Judd, Paige and Vanessa stood up and volunteered at the same time,  “I'll get the guitar.”

“WAIT!” I stopped them immediately. “I have a birthday party to go to now.” I tried to explain, but Judd had already rushed off to get the guitar, “Wait here Ed! Don’t leave!”

“You have a birthday party?” Ryan asked after Judd left. I turned towards him and said, “Yeah, wanna come?”

Vanessa interjected quickly, “It’s a kid’s 10th birthday party.”

“OH!” Ryan slightly widened his eyes. “I think I’ll just stay here and familiarize myself with the script.”

“Your loss. Emily?” I turned to the actress. She smiled softly and said, “I’m also going to study the script.”

“Ouch!” Hudgens mocked playfully before she laughed. I smirked devilishly and said, “I guess you’re excited to start your 10 hours long choreo practice today.”

Flinching slightly, Hudgens’ eyes shook and she said, “Wait. NO!”

Judd ran back to the meeting room with a guitar. As he gave it to me, he panted heavily, even holding his back as he tried to catch his breath. “I…Well…I’m going to sit.”

Holding the guitar properly, I said, “Okay, the song starts like this…” Everyone held their voices as they looked at me. 

…

[General POV]

Mitch and Cam’s house. Phil came by to borrow some stuff for the party. He needed to get back in time to meet the reptilian party hire representative that would be coming over to the house soon. 

“See you in a few hours.” Mitchell said with a smile. Phil checked the cord for the machine as he stood at the front door. Mitchell was in front of him, and Cam was in the kitchen. 

“Yeah. Thanks again for the karaoke machine.” Phil smiled innocently. “I’ll get it back to you right after the party.” He promised.

“That'd be great.” Cam replied. 

Mitchell whispered to Phil without Cam realizing it, “Please don't. I beg you. Don't bring it back.”

“Okay.” Phil nodded as he dodged the request. 

“Hey, Phil. Are, uh, you getting a clown for today?” Cam asked suddenly as he placed down his washed plate.

Phil’s face paled instantly. His eyes were full of fear. He replied with a shaky voice, “Oh, no. L-Luke's not…much of a clown fan.”

“Really?” Cam asked with a slight disbelief. 

“Yeah. He never liked 'em.” Phil answered seriously.

“Has he ever seen a good one?” Cam asked again.

“Has- Has anyone?” Phil replied dodgingly, and he took a step back to exit the door in a hurry. “ So anyway, thanks again.” Phil said before he rushed out of the house.

“Okay. Yep. See you later.” Mitchell replied casually as he closed the door before going to sit at the sofa.

Cam stomped into the living room, following Mitchell before he could get there. “No clown? No- No clown?” Cam asked incredulously.

“Let it go.” Mitchell sighed wearily as he sat down on the sofa, grabbed his tea cup and read the screen of his laptop.

“Who throws a party without a clown?” Cam complained.

Mitchell took a sip of his tea before replying sarcastically, “Since the late '30s, I'd say most people.”

Cam contemplated before asking, “You know what?We haven't gotten Luke a present yet. Maybe a clown could be our present.”

Mitchell quickly curbed his excitement, “Cameron. Cameron. If Phil and Claire

wanted to get Luke a clown, they would've. This is not our party.”

Cam’s face fell, “But-”

“This is not our party.” Mitchell clarified again.

“But I just- Fine. What would you suggest we get him then, hmm?” Cam asked in defeat. 

Mitchell turned to Cam with a smirk and said, “Wow, I really thought you were going to fight me in this. I guess being thrown into a pool does that to you.”

Cam got annoyed and said, “That’s a class act.Everything was planned! Anyways, what should we get Luke?”

“Get him a gift card.” Mitchell replied dismissively.

“A gift card?” Cam couldn’t believe his ears. 

“Yeah.” Mitchell nodded as he sip his tea and did his work casually. Cam looked at  Mitchell with disbelief and pity, “Who hurt you?” Mitchell gave a side eye to Cam before continuing his work. As he felt he was getting judged there, he stood up and said, “I’m going to go shop for Luke’s present. Do you want to come with me?”

Cam shook his head and said, “Lily had just fallen asleep, I think I’ll sit this one out. You had to do this without me.”

“Alright.” Mitchell agreed easily before he walked to the door. Before he left, Cam shouted, “And don’t buy Luke a gift card!” 

Mitchell paused for a bit before he disappeared. 

-Dunphy’s house, on the streets.-

Phil stood in front of a van with safari decorations on its exterior. A young woman in her 20s, with a tattoo on her neck, wearing a safari outfit, stood in confrontation with Phil as she tried to convince him to hire her for the party. 

“For something a little extra special, I also bring along a scorpion named Stinger. He's a real showstopper! He's got this amazing glow-in-the-dark exoskeleton, and he's super docile.” Tanya said with a smile, slightly sweating from her forehead.

Phil shook his head resolutely, “No, no, no. I want the most dangerous reptile you've got!” Inside his mind, Phil was imagining a reptilian show straight out of a fantasy novel, and he didn’t even realize how wrong his imagination was.

Tanya said quickly, “I have an iguana that eats crickets.”

Phil quickly retorted, “That'd be scary if it was a birthday party for crickets!” He pointed at the girl, “Seriously, Jungle Tanya, I need you to step it up a notch. Is there anything that scares the cocoa out of you?”

“Paying my rent this month?” Tanya mumbled. “What was that?” Phil asked in confusion.

She shook her head and got back to the conversation, “Uh, not really. I do have a bearded dragon.”

Phil became excited, “Ooh. Does it-”

“No, it does not breathe fire.” Tanya interjected with a disappointed look.

Phil exclaimed in frustration, “Well, then we're back to square one, aren't we?”

Despite all the inquiry, Phil finally hired Tanya for the party, which made her break out into a huge smile. She hopped slightly, “Yes!”

Phil showed a fatherly smile and said, “Alright, I’m taking a chance with you. So give them all a great performance. You can set up your stage in the living room.”

“Thank you!” Tanya said quickly, fearing that Phil would change his mind and turned to the reptiles, “Okay you guys! We have a job to do! We’re going to give Luke the best show ever!”

One green lizard looked at her while the rest didn’t even bother to move. 

Phil was busy finalizing the party rental details when Claire emerged from the back of their car, laden with party favor supplies. As she crossed the front yard, Haley and Alex intercepted her in the path, their faces a mix of annoyance and amusement.

Haley, squinting against the sun, grumbled and exposed, "Mom! Alex invited his boyfriend to the party without even asking you first!"

Alex, taken aback, shot back, "What? You did that all the time!" Alex glanced at Claire’s eyes warily, and cursed Haley inside her heart at the same time.

Claire sighed, her voice patient but firm. "Alex, I'm not going to say who you can or cannot invite to your own party. But, with all the awesome stuff we've got here, I guess you had to call him over to play, huh?"

Feeling pretty proud of herself for the awesome party she had planned out, Claire even decided to try out some of the games herself. 

Alex sighed in relief and said, “Yes. That’s right. He’s just coming over to play.”

Haley scoffed, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Yeah, she invited him over to play with her tongue."

Alex, defensive, blurted out, "We're not going to make out!"

Haley's laughter was a mixture of amusement and mockery. "Everyone knows that's why you invited him. Mom and Dad will be busy with the party, so it's the perfect opportunity to sneak into your room and have some fun..."

Haley's eyes widened as she realized she'd gone too far when she met Claire’s flabbergasted gaze. 

Claire and Alex stared at her, a mixture of bewilderment and apprehension on their faces. Claire, her voice laced with anxiety, pressed, "Haley! Did you use the chance to sneak out your ex-boyfriends to your room?!"

Haley, scrambling to deflect the accusation, blurted out, "What? No! I- I heard it from Tara... Yes, from Tara." She scurried away, leaving Claire and Alex staring after her.

Claire was dumbfounded, and then she said, “Alex, Finneas can come, but he’s not to step even one foot inside the house.”

Alex sighed and said, “That’s fine. We still have the garage.”

“WHAT?!” Claire panicked and turned to Alex quickly. Alex giggled and said, “It’s a joke.”

Luke ran to the duo, heavily sweating from all of  his playing around. Claire put down her bags and held Luke by his shoulder, “Oh honey. I think you need to take a shower and change your clothes. The guests will arrive soon.”

Luke smiled and said, “But, I’m still going to play when they come. I’ll take a shower for nothing if I do it now. Is Edward here yet? He promised to come.”

Claire was a bit taken aback, but Alex giggled and said, “He’ll definitely come if he says he’s coming. There’s no way he’s going to miss this. But, he might hide and come incognito to avoid trouble. I’ll tell him to text me when he’s here.”

Luke nodded and before he could run away again, Claire held her shoulders tightly and said, “Go take a shower and change your clothes. Now.”

“But–”

“Now!” Claire said assertively and firmly. Luke groaned and obediently went inside the house. “I’m taking a shower but I’m not going to use soap!” He shouted rebelliously.

Alex chuckled at Luke’s misery but her smile faded when Claire said, “Pick up the bags. You’re helping me at the art and crafts table.”

“What?!” Alex was taken aback, but did it anyway, even though she was complaining, “Who sets up an art and crafts table at a party?!”

Behind Alex and Claire, a crew of people were inflating a bouncy castle, and another team was setting up a zip line for the kids. 

Back to Cam and Mitch’s house.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Cam picked up the white paint and contemplated hard as he looked at himself.

‘I couldn't get Luke out of my mind.’ Cam monologues inside his mind. ‘I know I made a promise to Mitchell, but some things are bigger than promises. Fizbo would be at that party.’

He opened the paint lid and dipped his fingers inside the paint. Then. he smeared it underneath his eyes.

Cam inhaled sharply and greeted his reflection, “Hello, old friend.”

Mitch finally returned after an hour. As he opened the door, he said, “I'm home. I got Luke a video game, but it's about math.So I guess we're those kind of uncles– Cam…”

Mitchell froze in his steps as he saw a clown walking towards him. “Don’t be mad.” Fizbo, Cam’s clown alter ego, held his hands up high to appease Mitch.

“Cam, I thought we discussed this.” Mitchell said in disappointment. 

“We did. But I- I started thinking. And this isn't about you or me. This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness.” Cam tried to defend his actions.

“And he's gonna get that from his weird gay clown uncle?” Mitchell said sarcastically.

Cam got a bit angry and said defensively, “Fizbo is not gay. He's asexual.”

“Oh.” Mitchell exclaimed with disbelief, he couldn’t even look straight at Cam.

Cam added, “He's an innocent whose only drive...is to bring people joy and laughter

and balloon animals. He's- He's the least sexual being on earth.”

“Oh, okay. Well, at least we agree on something.” Mitchell insulted.

“Yeah.” Cam breathed in relief, but as he thought back on what Mitchell said, he exclaimed in realization, “Oh.”

Mitchell shook his head in disappointment before he said helplessly, “Well, I don’t think I can make you change. So I’ll pick up Lily and then we’ll go.”

Entertain company building, meeting room.

“So, is that song good enough for the movie?” Edward asked with a slight anxiousness in his voice. As the time got closer, he couldn’t even sit still as he played the song for the director.

Judd Apatow rubbed his chin as he thought about it, “Well…”

Edward stood up abruptly and said, “You can take your time to think about it. Discuss it with the others too. I actually have to go now if I want to make it to the party.”

“Alright Alright. Go.” Judd waved his hand helplessly. Edward smiled and said, “I’ll make sure to bring you a slice of cake.”

“If the cake is good, then yes. If it’s meh, then no.” Judd responded.

Edward finally left the meeting room in a hurry. He rushed to Amy who was hanging out with Maggie at the pantry and asked them, “Did you guys pick up what I asked?”

Maggie nodded and smiled, “Yeah. It's inside the car.”

Amy massaged her shoulder and said, “You need to pay us back more–”

“We’ll negotiate in the car.” Edward stopped the conversation quickly. “There’s going to be a traffic jam at the hour. I’ll be running late if we continue talking here. Let’s go.”

“Wait, me too?” Maggie widened her eyes as Edward grabbed both her and Amy’s wrist before pulling them to come with him.

“Of course, who’s going to hang out with Amy when I’m climbing the rock wall?” Edward teased.

Amy nodded in agreement, “Yeah Maggie. It’s common sense.”

“It’s common sense Maggie.” Edward joined in to tease. Maggie rolled her eyes and gave up, “Fine! I’ll go to the stupid party.”

Suddenly, Edward stopped and released Maggie’s hand. He got a text message, and as he checked the content, he said, “You know what? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. My other friends will be there so Amy can hang out with us.”

Edward left Maggie’s behind and walked away with Amy. Maggie blinked her eyes twice as she stood there motionlessly. Then, she exclaimed, “Just like that, I’m thrown away? But…I actually want to go!” 

She whined, but Edward was already gone. Amy and Edward left hurriedly. Everyone was already at the party by the time he started his journey. However, a mile away from the Dunphy’s house, Edward suddenly stopped the car.

Amy turned to him in confusion, “What are you doing?”

Edward struggled as he squeezed into the back seat from the driver's seat. Amy pushed his legs away angrily as it almost hit her face, “HEY! Watch it!”

“Amy, close your eyes. I’m going to be nude here. I’ll change my clothes for a sec.” Edward said as he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his bare, muscular torso. 

Amy let out a startled yelp as she caught a glimpse of Edward in the rearview mirror. Her cheeks flushed, and she quickly covered her eyes with her hands, turning her head forward inside the car. "Can't you do that when we're actually there?" she grumbled, her voice muffled by her hand.

Edward chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "No can do, my dear. Relax, I can change my clothes fast enough."

Amy waited, humming along to the radio, her eyes still closed. A moment later, Edward returned to the driver's seat, prompting her to remove her hand.

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she took in Edward's attire. "What are you even wearing?" she exclaimed, her voice laced with confusion.

Edward, sporting a top hat, a masquerade ball mask, a bright blue jacket, and white gloves, beamed at her. "I'm a magician," he declared, his voice a playful baritone. 

He tossed a handful of confetti in her direction, the colorful bits raining down on her head. Amy groaned, her annoyance evident and she grumbled in disappointment, “I can’t believe I ever thought you were cool.”