Chapter 273: New Owner and a date. (Patreon)

[Edward POV]

A new day arrived at Greendale, and it was the last day of school before the Thanksgiving break. Knowing the potential backlash if the college buyout was done publicly, the city representative and Frankie signed the contract first before announcing the decision to the college administration.

“What do you mean?” Dean Pelton was flabbergasted when he heard the news as he was invited to the signing event in the city office. 

Carl and Richie gloated when they saw Dean Pelton's confused expression. Richie said, “From now on, Greendale community college will no longer be part of the city’s management. You guys have been bought by their corporation.”

Carl said sarcastically, “It's good news for the city. Well, not for Greendale though.” 

Richie said, “If I were you, I’ll be updating my resume. But it’s lucky that I’m not you!” Both of them laughed out loud as they left the dean behind. Pelton became flustered, and stormed into the room where Frankie and I were in. He said dramatically, “I demand an explanation–Urk–”

He froze as he saw me, out of my disguise, sitting cross legged on the chair while reading the Greendale student manual.The sun was hitting my face just right, making the scene ethereal for the dean. 

“Hello Craig.” I greeted as I slowly moved my head towards him, using a deep, velvety voice. “Nice to officially meet you.”

“H-Hi.” He greeted me back while avoiding looking directly at me, “Oh my god, you’re like the sun, I can’t even look directly at you.”

“That saddens me a little. I’d like people to be mesmerized, but never to look away.” I said, faking sadness. 

The dean gasped and turned toward me immediately, “I’ve spoken wrongly. It’s not the sun. It’s the panoramic view of an incredibly beautiful place. Even if you were the sun, then I’ll risk getting blind even if it meant I can catch a glimpse at your beauty.”

Frankie’s eyes twitched and she muttered, “What kind of play is this? Dean, please stop feeding into his ego. Edward, stop trying to get your ego fed.”

“It was bruised yesterday. I need to appease it.” I replied jokingly. 

Dean Pelton was angry on my behalf, “Who dares– Wait, I’m really getting absorbed in this. Can someone explain to me what happened in this room?”

I stood up and said casually, “It’s simple Craig- Can I call you Craig?” His eyes became dazed at my question and he muttered, “You can call me anything you like.”

While chuckling, I patted the dean’s shoulder, which made him feel intoxicated from the touch. “It’s simple Craig. We just bought Greendale.”

He nodded, “Yes yes. You just bought.. I’M SORRY, WHAT? YOU JUST BOUGHT THE COLLEGE?”

He brushed off my hand and said anxiously, “Why did no one tell me about this? And what are your plans? Are you going to fire me?! I have given this school all of my sweat, tears, blood, and hair!”

I raised my hand up in front of his face, which made him stop rating abruptly. I explained, “Don't worry Craig. We're on the same side here. And your job is safe. The school is also safe. It's just under new management from now on.”

Starting off my explanation with words of reassurance, Dean Pelton was calmed down. He asked, “What happened? And why did the city rep ask me to update my resume?”

Frankie chimed in and said, “The school board may have sold the institution to us because we have scared them into believing the school has a major liability issue, and we will close the college on their behalf. That way, they can avoid the backlash in shutting it down themselves. Not that I’m saying the school doesn't have liability issues, but we were not planning to do that at all.”

“Most of what we negotiated with the city was just a technique to drive the price of the school down. That way, we can keep most of the budget to make improvements on the school.” I added. 

“And why would you do that?” Dean Pelton asked. Frankie took out a copy of the late Russell Borchert’s will, and gave it to the dean. As he read it, he muttered, “The founder?”

“Yes.” Frankie replied casually. “Someone found his body and inherited his deeds to the college, so that party felt responsible in helping Greendale be better. We were just helping him achieve that.”

The dean suddenly broke into tears and said, “Oh my god, my dream of turning this place into something with value will finally be true!” He turned and tried to hug me, but Frankie grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away.

The dean said excitedly, “We should announce this to the students.”

“About that, Craig, can you wait until the end of the picnic to do that?” Frankie suddenly said. I was confused but kept my silence. Craig asked Frankie, “Why do you want to do that? Isn’t it better to give the good news now?”

“Because there will be an uproar, and I want him to enjoy his vacation here a little bit longer.” Frankie said as she glanced at me. Craig got the hint and said, “Got it. But he will be going on the stage later–”

“No, technically, he is never here. Only me, the company’s representative, is here. No one else– other than a certain study group, should know that he’s here. Do you understand that?” Frankie said sternly. 

Craig gulped his saliva and asked fearfully, “Just curious, what would the hierarchy of the school look like right now? And I still the dean, do I keep the same job responsibilty–”

Frankie said seriously while using hand gestures, “Right now, He, is at the top of the food chain.” She pointed at me before pointing at the dean, “You’re just a guppy in the small pond, right down at the bottom. You’ll do what we need you to do, and you don’t try to do what you want to do, without consulting us, do you understand?” 

“Frankie, intimidation like that won’t work on him because I’m pretty sure he’s a bottom.” I joked. Dean Pelton pushed his glasses up and whispered, “I can alternate.”

Frankie:...

“Come on, let’s go to college. I want to see how you’ll handle Chang. FYI, he will accuse you of being a racist when you try to make him present his qualifications.” I said as I urged Frankie and the Dean to walk out of the room.

“It is racist… right?” The dean asked in confusion. 

“It’s not. It’s really not.” Frankie shook her head disappointedly as she understood why Chang managed to get the job in the first place. She turned to me and said, “Are you sure we’re going to keep him as the dean?”

“Eh, it won’t be Greendale without Craig Pelton.” I muttered dismissively, which made the dean feel validated for his efforts. “Oh, thank you. I tried the best I could.”

As we were leaving the room, Frankie suddenly stopped me and said, “Remember what we talked about last night?”

I sighed and said, “Yeah. I do. It’s kinda hard to forget.”

Frankie nodded in satisfaction and simplified, “So, our agreement is, I help you with managing the school, and you pick someone to go on a date with for the picnic. You don’t have to take her home. You don’t even have to kiss her. Just a simple date.”

I smirked and said hintingly, “But if she wants too–”

“No.” Frankie interjected decisively. “One simple date. That’s it.”

…

In Greendale’s administration.

“Ohhh!!! So you think a Chinese man couldn’t teach Spanish?! You think that a Chinese man can only teach Chinese or math?” Chang accused Frankie the second she called him to the office.

I watched the showdown from afar, with Abed standing beside me, and both of us ate popcorn at the same time. I was in disguise again, this time wearing a black leather jacket and a baseball cap with two silver rings along the edge.

“He got her on the ropes.” Abed commented.

“Not really.” I dismissed him.

Chang continued using his loud voice to attract people, wanting to use shame and self-consciousness to pressure Frankie into stopping what she was doing.

“So I’ll just assume that you don’t have a teaching certificate. That made my job easier. Failure to present your certificate could be constituted as fraud, and the school could sue you back for the salaries that were given to you. After that, you’ll be thrown to jail.” Frankie added casually, which made the crowd gasp.

Chang was stunned for a bit and his voice became tiny, “What?”

Frankie continued, “Of course, if you can show me your teaching certificate, or even just tell me where you got your certificate from so that I can cross reference it, then you can avoid that outcome.” 

Chang was silent for a while.

 Abed said while popping popcorn kernels into his mouth, “The tension is palpable.”

“He tried to fight Iron Armor using a stick. He doesn’t even have a fighting chance.” I commented as I did the same thing.

“So will he be arrested?” Abed asked.

“No, most likely, he’s going to run away.” I commented. The second I finished speaking, Chang turned his back to Frankie and ran from the school as fast as he could.

“See?” I said casually. Abed gave me a thumbs up before asking, “Want to go see what’s going on with Jeff? He finally accepted his fate that he’s broke. Right now, he’s like Goldie Hawn.” 

“So he’s fallen off a boat?” I asked. Abed nodded and said, “It’s a defining moment in his character arc.”

“I don’t think Jeff will get amnesia and a poor blue collar woman will trick him into thinking that he was her husband.” I commented jokingly. In the movie, Goldie Hawn is a woman, and the opposite happens.

Abed widened his eyes for a bit before he chuckled. “I was referring to the personality change she has after realizing there’s more to life than just being rich. But now, I’m wondering if that’s going to happen too.”

“Should we set it up?” I asked.

“I’ll get the pan. You hit Jeff in the head with it.” Abed replied decisively.

After stopping Abed and explaining that it was a joke, Abed brought me to the cafeteria where I saw Annie giving a picnic blanket to Troy.

Annie sacrificed her family heirloom in order for Troy to go to the picnic event with someone else, even though she has a crush on him. 

Abed turned to me and said, “This time, Annie can finally meet you. Before that, I have a question.”

“Shoot.” I agreed easily. Abed asked, “You were poor before you became rich. Do you find that your lifestyle has changed when you have more money?”

I thought about it for a second and replied, “Before my debut, I have to calculate the exact numbers of items before I bring them to the checkout to make sure I have enough money. I have to be creative and calculating to survive. But now, whenever I have a problem, I just feel the easiest way to handle it is to throw money at it.”

“So your personality changed a little when you became famous?” Abed questioned. I nodded slightly and said, “Just a little bit though. Most of my friends always say that I’m a money grubber.”

“Okay.” Abed nodded.

Sitting on the cafeteria table alone, Troy became elated, “A picnic blanket? Genius. I was gonna lay down some newspaper.” 

Annie giggled as she saw Troy’s reaction and explained, “It's the blanket my grandmother used to court my grandfather.” She tried to hint at him, but Troy was oblivious.

Shirley shook her head in disapproval while standing behind Annie.

“Yeah? That's pretty hot.” Troy looked at the blanket and commented, which made Annie and Shirley confused for a second. “Thanks! I’m going to go find Randy.” He said as he smiled and walked away.”

Annie looked at him longingly and said, “Y-You’re welcome!” She stood there all jittery, which caught my attention. 

Shirley scolded, “Tell that boy how you feel!” 

“It's scary!” She exclaimed. “If he's not interested, I could lose the friendship too.” She told Shirley.

I suddenly turned to Abed and said, “Abed, why is she so cute?” Abed widened his eyes, and he looked at Annie.

Shirley tried to convince Annie, “You could.Love is a gamble always! But waiting won't change the dice.You either roll them or lose your turn.”

Annie anxiously jittered up and down, “I'm going to roll them.I am. I just…I need a few more shakes.” She held her hand on her crotch level, and pretended to shake the dice, however, it seemed quite inappropriate. 

“Shake 'em in your mind, okay?” Shirley commented while looking at Annie with disbelief.

“Abed, can you call your dude friend for me first?” I asked after I finished watching everything. “Sure.” Abed replied before he shouted, “Troy!”

Troy who was walking away saw Abed and walked towards the both of us. “Hey Abed! Sorry, I can’t talk for long–” Troy widened his eyes, and his face froze as he realized who I was.

“Edward, meet Troy Barnes.” Abed introduces us.

“Your name is Troy Barnes? One of my best friend’s names is Barnes Troy. He loves to dance.” I chuckled as I offered my hand to Troy for a handshake, but he was still frozen and kept staring at me with unblinking eyes.

Confused for a second, I mumbled to myself, “Why is he like this? I’m not Kunta Kinte.”

“Troy, let’s cut to the chase. Here’s 200 dollars. You can buy a new picnic blanket with the money, maybe even get a gift for your date.” I said as I handed him the 200 dollars. However, Troy didn’t react. Abed was confused and tried to make the trade happen by tugging at the blanket, but it was immovable.

Troy kept holding on to the blanket tight despite not moving his arm, so I explained, “If you’re worried about giving this blanket to me because of Annie, you can be at ease because I actually want to ask her to be my date to the Picnic and Sing Along under the stars.”

Abed supported me, “Yes Troy. She seems like she’s reluctant to part way with the picnic blanket. It’s better to take the money and buy a new one.”

Troy’s fingers slowly moved, and Abed managed to yank the blanket away from him. I grabbed his hand and placed the money into his palm, shaking his hand at the same time. “Thank you Troy. I hope that you’ll have a great time with your date.”

Annie and Shirley heard Abed’s shout when he was calling Troy, so they saw the whole thing. “Huh? Why is Abed taking the blanket from Troy?” Annie muttered with a slight dissatisfaction.

Shirley said, “He must’ve noticed that you don’t actually want to give the blanket to him. Even Abed has more courage to do the right thing than you do.”

Annie shook her head as she looked at my figure, “No…It seems like he’s selling it to that guy…He’s coming over here!” She grabbed Shirley’s arm anxiously and glared at Abed, “Why did you take the blanket back from Troy?”

“You need to ask him, and by the way Annie, don’t shout.” Abed said. I smiled as I pushed my cap upward, revealing my face to Annie. “Hello ladies. I heard that you want to meet me?”

Annie and Shirley froze for a second. Annie looked at Abed with disbelief, and Abed chuckled. “I know I said he’s not coming back, but I actually lied to surprise you. You were depressed last night for nothing.”

Shirley reacted first while Annie was still dumbfounded. Shirley whispered excitedly, “Hello! I thought that we already missed the opportunity to meet you. My sons are your biggest fans!”

“Biggest? I was wondering who’s going to be my biggest fan. I kept telling myself that if I ever find them, then I’ll give them a present. It seems like the present is meant for your son.”

Shirley squealed and said, “Oh, that’s so nice!”

Abed interrupted and said, “Shirley, the present’s not going anywhere. Right now, Edward is trying to ask Annie out on a date, so we should let him do that first.”

“What?!” Both Annie and Shirley exclaimed at the same time. Annie was nervous, but Shirley was filled with excitement.

I grimaced as I turned to Abed, “You shouldn’t have said that.”

Abed thought about what he did wrong and said, “Sorry, I spoiled things. Annie, pretend you didn’t hear anything I just said.”

Annie breathed heavily as I moved closer to her, “Hi, sorry if this may seem too forward for me, but I think you’re really cute. Would you like to go to the picnic with me?”

Abed showed her the picnic blanket, in which she connected everything inside her head. She lowered her gaze bashfully and twirled her hair, “You– You think I’m cute?”

“Very.” I replied honestly. Despite her wearing a grandma style sweater and blouse, even those grandma shoes, I couldn’t deny that she was incredibly attractive. Maybe Frankie and the others were right. Maybe I do have a type. 

I received a text, which its chime interrupted the moment. I looked at Annie and asked, “So, what do you say? Do you want to go on a secret date with me?”

Annie staggered and Shirley had to keep her steady. “My head feels dizzy. I can’t believe this is really happening.” She said. Shirley grinned and said, “Me too.”

Abed chimed in with an explanation, “He couldn’t reveal his identity because he wants to experience a true college life. So you have to go on an undercover date.”

“Thanks for the exposition.” I replied to Abed. He pointed his finger at me, gesturing ‘I got you’.

“Umm…” Annie hesitated for a second, and said, “Don’t you have a girlfriend–”

“I have a strictly professional relationship with Taylor.” I replied instantly, and my phone chimed again at the time. In fact, it chimed continuously, completely breaking the immersiveness of me asking Annie out.

Annie said with a slight blush, “Um…I don’t know–”

“She’ll go with you!” Shirley interrupted on her behalf and pushed Annie away. “She’ll meet you on the east lawn at 5!” Shirley said as she dragged Annie away. Annie retorted, “Shirley!”

Shirley said with gritted teeth, “Don’t be an idiot Annie. I know what you wanted to say.”

“I was going to say yes!” Annie replied. Shirley said admonishingly, “Good! But still, we definitely have a lot of work to do. You need a completely new wardrobe for the date. You definitely can’t go looking like this.”

I checked my phone, and realized that the message was from Dylan. “Abed, I’m sorry, it seems like my friend’s in trouble.”

“You can go meet with him. I need to find Britta. She has disappeared since yesterday in her search to find the monkey, and I feel like she needs some help.”

“When you find her, tell her to give the monkey to my head of security, Mickey. He’ll bring the monkey to the lab for testing.”

“Okay. We’ll part ways to make way for the plot, but then, we’ll reunite again at the episode’s conclusion.” Abed muttered. “Did you just break the 4th wall Abed?” I chuckled before we went our separate ways.

…

Music room. Dylan and his band members were practicing for the performance tonight when I entered the room.

“No, it still feels weird.” Dylan stopped strumming his guitar before turning to his band members.

His drummer said, “You can just sing that song again. You don’t have to worry about what your girlfriend has to say.”

Dylan sighed and said, “That song made her cry. I don’t want to see her like that again. She was so embarrassed last night. So I need to do something to make it right.”

“You basically told everyone you guys haven’t had sex yet, and may imply that she’s a virgin.” His bassist said. “Why did she even cry from that?”

“Maybe the pregnancy hormones are messing with her head.” His pianist chimed in.

“She’s pregnant?!” The bassist and the drummer were shocked.

Dylan finally saw me and said, “Hey! Edward! You’re here! I’m in trouble. I already have the lyrics of the songs, but… we cannot nail the melody. Something feels weird. Can you help?” 

He handed me the music sheet, and I was dumbfounded when I read the lyrics. “So, you’re trying to appease your fiance, by singing this?”

“Yeah, this is the exact opposite of what I sang before.” Dylan replied innocently. I furrowed my eyebrows, and then I sighed after seeing his determined expression, “Alright, I’ll help. BUT NO ONE! No One should know I have anything to do with the song! Ever!”