Chapter 269: College Experience (1) (Patreon)

[General POV]

(A/N: Season 1 Episode  8 : Home Economics for the Community episode)

When Edward's plane landed in Colorado, he wanted to visit Dylan and Anais first, however, they had not woken up yet since it was 5 in the morning. Therefore, he decided to go to get some rest first.

Renting a car, Edward drove Frankie to a courtyard  apartment building. Frankie was confused when she walked out of the car and noticed the apartment. She asked, “Why are we here? Did you rent an apartment here?”

The condition of the apartment, while not outright rundown, was certainly not in great shape either. Edward chuckled and said, "No, I bought it. The building.”

Frankie widened her eyes in astonishment. "FOR A 2 DAYS TRIP!?" she exclaimed loudly. Edward was taken aback for a bit before he recollected himself, "What– No! W-what kind of guy do you think I am?"

Even he himself was surprised that Frankie would jump to such a conclusion. Realizing she had overreacted, Frankie asked, "Sorry. Why did you buy it?"

"I got an offer from a general I know," Edward explained. "This place used to be a CIA safehouse, but they abandoned it when their mission was done here. Now, they want to get rid of it, so they sold it to me quite cheaply."

"Really, how cheap?" Frankie asked, her suspicion evident. She added, "The market price for this building, in a suburban area, will be around $3.5 million–"

"I got it for $1.5 million," Edward replied, shocking Frankie. Then he added, "We still listed the apartment for $3.5 million though. So I got some free money."

Frankie diminished Edward's actions, saying, "That's tax fraud. You could be in great trouble for this!"

"Not really," Edward reassured her. "One of the agents entrusted the house to a fund, and willed it to me in case of his death, which was last month, before he went dark. So I don't have any connections with this. Frankie, you’re going to need a mindset change if you’re going to work with powerful figures in the future.”

“Why would I jeopardize who I was to fit with a certain community? I’d rather just avoid them entirely if I have no other choice.”

As Edward opened the gate of the house with a remote, he replied, “That’s admirable. However, with all great powers, great sacrifices will come. Consider this, I’d bought a CIA safe house based on my dirty deal with the military. However, I used the house to take care of the homeless. In this scenario, are my dirty dealings still repulsive to you?”

Frankie fell into some thoughts before she turned to Edward and asked, “Is this part of your men are complex argument?”

“No. This is part of my trying-to-make-someone-understand-me argument.” Edward chuckled teasingly. “Linda told me it’ll help.” Edward added.

“Help in what?” Frankie asked curiously.

“Not important. I’ll get the luggages. Here’s the key. Go find the apartment we’re going to stay in.” Edward said as he opened up the car bonnet. 

The once-vibrant colors of the exterior walls had faded to a muted, weathered appearance, giving the building a sense of aged character. The wrought-iron fence surrounding the central courtyard, though slightly rusted, stood sturdy and intact, however, it also gave horror movie vibes to Edward– which he loved.

In the middle of the courtyard, a small fountain bubbled and trickled merrily, its water feature running perfectly despite its slightly worn look. The shrubbery that lined the perimeter was neatly trimmed, lending an air of well-maintained landscaping.

The string lighting hung overhead cast a warm, ambient glow across the scene, complementing the courtyard's vintage charm.

Lugging the bags to the apartment, Edward was surprised to see that the apartment was bigger than what he expected it to be. Suddenly, he took out a radar-like device, intriguing Frankie.

“What’s that?” She asked.

“This? Just something I cooked up to find a hidden room or a tunnel.” Edward replied with a mischievous smirk. “By the way, you saw this, so I feel obliged to ask, want to go on the search together with me? A quick adventure?”

“I’ll decline. I want to get settled in.” Frankie replied flatly, with no excitement at the prospect at all. A little disappointed, Edward said, “Alright then. I guess I’ll just go alone– Wait, there’s one here.”

The device was beeping as it found a hidden latch near the rack. Edward pulled on the sconce, and the wall opened up, revealing what seemed to be a weapon’s depot for the agents, only that it was empty now.

“I take back my rejection.” Frankie replied immediately. “Oh ho! Someone finally got the adventurer spirit.” Edward said cheerfully.

However, Frankie shook her head and said, “If you’re going to find more rooms like this, you may find a hidden weapon or get in danger. Your sudden burst of immaturity made me worried that you might get carried away–”

Edward grimaced and said, “Just say you want to come. Don’t get a dig at me while you’re at it.”

…

Greendale Community College, afternoon.

Dylan proudly gestured to the quad, boasting, "So this is the quad where I usually sang my song for my wife-to-be." He wrapped an arm around Anais, who looked visibly uncomfortable with the public display of affection.

"Dylan, I told you, stop calling me your wife here at the college. I don't want people to find out we're engaged," Anais said, gently brushing his arm away.

"Oof, that must hurt," Edward remarked, observing the interaction from the side. Dressed in a simple jacket and baseball hat, he had gone unnoticed by the others so far.

Defensively, Dylan replied, "It does, but sometimes she'll make up for it when we're at home."

"Dylan!" Anais exclaimed, her eyes widening in embarrassment at the personal details Dylan had shared. Edward laughed, which prompted Anais to join in. Dylan also chuckled, though he seemed puzzled, asking, "Why are we laughing?"

As Edward conversed with his friends, Abed Nadir, a Polish-Arabic student majoring in filmmaking, suddenly stopped walking alongside his friend Troy Barnes, an African-American man. (Danny Pudi and Donald Glover, respectively.)

"Abed, why are we stopping?" Troy asked, confused, as he backtracked to Abed's side, following his gaze.

"Something different is happening today," Abed said, his observant eyes scanning the area.

Troy smiled and asked, "Are you referring to my hot date with Randy tomorrow at the picnic? I finally have the courage to ask a girl out in college!"

"No," Abed replied curtly, disappointing Troy. Then, with a hint of intrigue, he said, "It's a crossover."

"What?!" Troy was perplexed.

Abed pointed towards the parking lot and clarified, "That, a crossover SUV."

"Abed, that's a car," Troy said, still confused.

Abed nodded and elaborated, "Yes, but the mirror is unnecessarily dark. There are also quite a few new faces I've noticed infiltrating the school. My guess? There's someone important coming to visit this place. Someone famous."

“Abed, no one famous will come to this college. Hell, most people who are here don’t want to be here in the first place.” Troy rebuked him.

“You can go ahead to class first. I’ll see you when I figure this out.” Abed said before he walked in the opposite direction of Troy, trying to solve the mystery on his own.

At the administration office, Dean Craig Pelton (Jim Rash), a short statured, skinny bald, white man with ambiguous sexuality, hurriedly back to the office after getting a call from his assistant.

"Linda, what seems to be the emergency!? I'm very busy right now trying to convince more people to use deodorant when they come here–" The Dean's steps halted as he noticed Frankie reading the administrative files.

Linda, the elderly woman, kept staring at Frankie warily, but she couldn't stop her from continuing her task.

Frankie walked up to the Dean and introduced herself confidently, "Hi. I'm Francessa Dart, but you can call me Frankie. I'm currently double-checking the information I have on your school, as I feel I was given a joke from a teenager. Reading your administrative files, I'm afraid I've had to discard any hopes that the school wasn't in such poor shape – whether it's from academic redundancies or the overall infrastructure."

"You can't do that!" Dean Pelton quickly snatched the files from her and tried to hide the other scattered documents on the table. "You don't have the clearance to read those."

“Oh, but I had already given the clearance to run through your entire administrative files.” Frankie said casually.

“BY WHO?!” The dean asked with a flushed face.

“By the school board. We, the investors, need to know in which way our money is going to go if we’re going to invest in this school.” Frankie replied.

“They don’t have the– Wait, Invest?” The dean’s tone quickly changed from a slighted mistress to a meek kitten. He broke into a smile and said, “Miss Francessa, why don’t we go to my office, and you can have a look-see at whatever you want.”

“That’s a weird way to run a school, but sure.” Frankie replied stoically.

…

[Edward POV]

“We have to get to class now.” Anais said as it was almost 11 o’clock. I nodded and said, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just have a look around. See you at the cafeteria for lunch?”

Anais muttered, while giving a glance at Dylan, “There’s a new restaurant in town we’d like to get to.”

Dylan was confused at first before he remembered, but I spoke first, “I have something to do, so I’m not going to join what is obviously a date. We’ll meet at your house for dinner then.” 

“Even though we’re the ones who invite you here. I’m feeling a bit sorry Edward.” Dylan muttered apologetically.

“It’s fine. I’ll be waiting for Frankie anyway.” I replied before sending them away. As I entered the library, I searched for study room F.

“They are exactly the same as in the series.” I muttered with astonishment after I entered the room. 

The room was furnished with two tables, one a 4 seater, and one an 8 seater– which the cast of the show usually use. A small TV in front of the couch– facing away from the table, two chalkboards and the room was enclosed with glass windows all around it. In addition, there was an air vent next to the table.

Feeling nostalgic, I checked on the desk, the 8 seater desk, with 2 seats on each side, and found the notches marked ‘Classic Winger’ on Abed’s spot. I walked to the couch and turned on the tv. The old CRT tv buzzed loudly, which made me turn it back off immediately.

“Isn’t this school's main course for fixing this sort of stuff?” I muttered with astonishment. “Yet no one can fix the tv in the library?”

While I was sitting there, suddenly, Abed and Troy walked in together. I pulled my baseball hat down, and hid my presence there. However, that was unnecessary since they were so preoccupied with their conversation that none noticed me there.

“Abed, you can’t skip class to go on a meaningless search.” Troy said. Abed corrected him, “It’s not meaningless Troy. I’m getting close, I can feel it.”

“Damn, that dude already sniffed me out?” I mumbled. Suddenly, Abed froze and said, “Something feels different here.” 

“What do you mean?” Troy asked, but then, Pierce, Shirley, Annie and Britta all entered the room at the same time. After they greeted each other, everyone suddenly turned silent. Annie was studying, Britta and Shirley looked like they were struggling with something.

“What’s wrong?” Troy asked. Britta was hesitant at first, but then, she said, “Shirley and I just found out that Jeff is living in his car. We’re hoping to talk to him about it, see if he needs some help.”

“For someone like Jeff, if you say it directly, it’ll hurt his ego, so we’re going to try to bring it up slowly.” Britta added, but Shirley was struggling to keep her mouth shut. The African American woman with curly hair, clutching a handbag, was rocking her body on the chair.

Everyone was silent, fearing that they would say the wrong words, basically leaving the conversation for Britta to lead. However, Jeff was late to the study room as usual. The silence was uncomfortable and deafening, which prompted Pierce, the old white man with big stature and a balding head with hairs only on the side to share.

“I lived in my car, for a stretch in the '70s. Nothing like bedding a woman on the vinyl backseat of a Skylark. Of course, we didn't have the same safety standards back then so...No condoms.”

“Ugh.” I groaned after hearing the story. Abed turned immediately in search of the sound, but I hid behind the couch quickly. He looked around, but failed to see what was there.

Pierce continued, “I tell you, before aids, sex was like shaking hands.”

“Hence, aids.” Abed commented, which made Pierce dumbfounded. Pierce continued despite everyone else being silent, “ Brittles, I forgot to tell you, I went and talked to Vaughn.”

“Huh?” Britta turned to Pierce, finally showing a reaction. Vaughn was her ex-boyfriend who broke up with her after he found out the study group has been making fun of his poem, the way he talks, his tiny nipples, and so on. Although Britta had no part in that, Vaughn still thought she was the mastermind behind the whole thing.

Pierce continued, “The bad news is..I could not patch up things between you. You really did a number on him.”

“What–” Britta was puzzled and annoyed.

“Good news is..I'm the new keyboardist in his band!” Pierce said excitedly.

Britta said with gritted teeth, “So I asked you not to talk to him, and you completely ignored me.”

Pierce shot back, “You're missing the headline. I'm in a rock band!”

Jeff walked in and said sarcastically, “I'd like to be there…when the band finds out.” Everyone shared glances with each other, before Britta turned to Jeff. 

“Oh Hey Jeff, We were just talking about how in today's economy…”

Shirley interjected quickly, accusing Jeff and pointing her finger at him at the same time, “Living in your car–You are living in your car!....I'm sorry,I'm not good at being coy.”

Realizing that everyone knew already, Jeff defended himself, “I'm not living in my car. I'm just sleeping in it for a couple of days while I work on some problems with my condo. It's a very temporary issue. I've got to pay some fees and then they'll put my locks back on the door and that'll be that.”

“How will you get the money?” Britta asked. 

“Believe me, kitten, Winger's got moves.” Jeff said with a charming smile. 

“Do you need a place to stay?” Annie asked. Troy said, “ I'd offer but my dad's kind of racist.” 

Abed offered, “Stay with me.  My room has a bunk bed, which is a misnomer because it's the real deal.”

“The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note.” Jeff stopped the conversation quickly. Shirley gasped, but then, everyone was shocked when Dean Pelton rushed to the study room, opened the door abruptly, carrying numerous of my merchandise with him. He even wore a TayWard shipper shirt, and a cap with my picture on it.

“EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” The Dean belted. He handed out some balloon stick with my name on it, and ordered the group, “Distribute this to everyone! We need to make the greatest impression we can make to make sure the community college will get the money.”

“What money?” Jeff asked, intrigued. “No time to explain! Wave it around while you study!” The dean said before he walked away hurriedly, stopping every student he saw to give them the balloon cheerleading stick too.

“What’s going on?” Troy mumbled, and then he turned to Abed, “Are you actually on to something?”

“What is Abed on about?” Jeff asked curiously. Annie excitedly hit the balloon sticks together and said, “I didn’t know Dean loves Edward too.”

“Annie, you’re a fan? Oh my god, me too!” Troy said before giving Annie a high five, which she reciprocated excitedly. She blushed a bit as she has a crush on Troy, a crush that began since highschool, and she said, “Are you in Edward’s Superfan group? I just managed to get access to that forum, and I have entered 31 out of 33 official fan groups out there. How many groups are you in?”

“Um. None. I’m just a…normal…fan.” Troy answered carefully while looking at Annie with disbelief.

“I’m not really a fan–” Pierce chimed in, but Troy interjected, “Do you even know who he is?”

“Um…I know.” Pierce pretended, “I follow along the news of mainstream media.”

Jeff smiled mischievously and said, “Yeah Pierce. Edward is the guy who hiked Mount Everest naked. Millions of people worldwide know about that story. Of course Pierce knows about it too.”

“See, Jeff knows me.” Pierce said. “That’s why in this group, we’re best friends.”

“Jeff, for real?” Annie asked him. Jeff grinned and said, “I don’t really care.”

Shirley groaned at Pierce, and then said to the group with a sweet voice, “My sons love him so much. They wanted to meet him, alas, he’s not coming here to Greendale for his concert.”

Pierce was aghast, “He sang too?”

Abed commented to Shirley, “Based on his interviews, he seems like a good guy, so if you mail him a letter, there is a possibility of him coming here–”

“Ehem” I cleared my throat as I stood up from the sofa, revealing my presence to everyone. I had too, because the things they were talking about were making me embarrassed.

“Oh shhh-, is someone else here? How long have you been here?” Britta asked after seeing me.

“It’s been a while.” I replied casually with a slight head nod.

Jeff said sternly, “I’m sorry that we’ve disturbed your sleep– I’m assuming, but this study group is for friends only, so if you can leave us alone, that’ll be great.”

“Did you sign your name on the sign in sheet?” I asked.

“There’s a sign-in sheet?” Jeff was flabbergasted. “Yeah,” I replied playfully, “So rather than me interrupting you, it’s actually you guys who intruded here.” 

“You can sleep elsewhere Pip Squeak.” Pierce said rudely. “We don’t care if your name is on the  sign up sheet.”

“Pierce!” Annie rebuked him. “Rules are there for a reason. We’re very sorry, sir.”

“Wait, hold on,” I walked to the table and leaned slightly near Abed’s seat, which made his eyes widen after he noticed my face. “Let’s hear what the frowning girl has to say about the guy you guys were talking about. She’s the only one who hasn't had her opinion out yet.”

Abed turned to Britta and said, “He’s right.”

“I’m going to go anyway, so I’ll leave after hearing that.” I added.

Britta was baffled, and she replied, “Well, first of all, thank you for noticing that I haven’t given my opinions yet. That’s quite considerate. Secondly, I think that guy is a pretentious bastard like all celebrities who live in California.”

Annie gasped, “Britta! You of all people should have a great opinion on him. He helped the homeless, created a company to clean the ocean–”

“Give us great content.” Abed interjected. “And great fuzz remover.” Shirley added.

Britta grimaced and said, “Yeah, as he should!”

Everyone groaned in frustration at her remarks. Britta added defensively, “What? So I can’t  NOT like a celebrity now? I have to have the same thoughts as you all have?”

“Droning together like a beehive.” I added, helping Britta. She was taken aback, and appreciated it, “Thank you. See, that guy gets it.” I nodded in agreement, which made Annie gasp at me too. 

Jeff spoke to me, “Well you’d heard it, guy-we-can-only-see-half-your-face.”

“Alright I’m leaving Homeless man.” I replied.

Jeff was startled and retorted, “I’m not– I’M NOT HOMELESS!”

I was going to leave the room as it is, but suddenly Frankie appeared on the door to the study room from her search to find me, “Edward, there you are. Are you ready for lunch?” She asked.

I replied, “Have you discussed it with the Dean? I want to do it myself, but I’m 100% sure he’ll faint if I appear in front of him. Worse, if he doesn't, then my ego will be quite bruised.”

Frankie blinked twice in confusion before replying, “Well, in my professional opinion, I wouldn’t throw any money into this god-forsaken-hole, but I’m sure that's what attracted you here in the first place.”

I chuckled as I walked past the group and exited the study room, my conversation made all of them confused. Abed suddenly said, “He’s gone now, but I think we’ll meet again.”

“Abed, do you know who he is?” Annie asked. “He feels as if he is handsome.” She added with a blush.

“Yeah, we all know him. We just talked about him, in front of him.” Abed replied curtly. Everyone widened their eyes– except for Pierce who doesn’t get it.

Annie stood up abruptly from her chair, “D-Do-Don’t mess with us Abed.”

“I’m not. He’s the famous celebrity. I saw his face closely as he stood here. Edward Newgate was here, in our story room.”

Annie’s breath quickened, before she shouted with her entire might, “AHHHHHH—”