Chapter 247: Halloween Party (4) (Patreon)

(Remember. The chocolate gets rid of Insecurities. So the kids are unhinged.)

[General POV]

Agent Smith was curious about the chocolate that the kids were going crazy about, so he took some for himself and brought it back to his post.

“Whatcha doing?” Enid suddenly appeared behind him. The veteran agent was startled and cursed, “Jeezus. Where did you come from?” His entire body was jerked forward, and his hand went straight to the gun on his waist before he relaxed as he saw who she was.

“Uh-uh, this is just for guests.” Enid said as she grabbed the chocolate from the agent's hand casually. “Besides, you have a job to do. There's 2 suspicious people at the party.”

Intrigued, Agent Smith asked, “Really? You noticed them?”

“Of course we noticed them! EVERYONE noticed them! So go do your job and let us party in peace!” Enid complained before she left. 

Agent Smith scrutinized the teenager and mumbled to himself, “Astute observation and barely any presence. She would make a great spy… Alas, this is not on the job scope right now– Wait, where did she go?”

Enid disappeared amongst the crowd thanks to her tiny figure, which made Agent Smith even more impressed. 

Suddenly, a female agent walked towards him with a lollipop in her mouth. “Boss, we have a problem.”

“You’re being serious right now Paige?” Agent Smith narrowed his eyes at the agent with disbelief after seeing her stuffing her mouth full of candies. It was the same FBI agent who met Edward before. Paige shrugged in response, which made Agent Smith sighed. He asked,“What is it?”

“Both of the spies, disappeared.” Paige replied casually. Smith widened his eyes and asked urgently, “What about Edward?”

Paige was confused and said while pointing to the crowd, “He’s dancing at the party?” Smith turned to Edward who was dancing and being in his own world. He became confused, but he still asked Paige to come with him to find the other spies.

Nearby the pool, Elsa turned to Jacob and asked, “Where did you go?”

Jacob held his lips shut, and then patted Elsa on the shoulder. “It’s a secret among best friends.”

Elsa was baffled, “But I’m your girlfriend.”

“Girls are temporary. Bros are forever.” Jacob blurted out. Elsa raised her eyebrow at him and said threateningly, “Really?”

-Flashback-

“Hey aren’t you the one who played Agent Mitchell in the Independence Day movie?” Edward turned and said to Casey after walking past him.

“What– No. I’m not.” Casey replied gruffly.

“Are you sure? Cause I swear I’ve seen you in movies.” Edward continued trying to figure it out, making Casey uncomfortable. He also asked him about why he suggested the Oompa Loompa throw Cam into the pool– which turned out to be him mumbling to himself and the others heard about it.

“Um.” Casey grunted before saying, “I better go.”

“Last question, Last question.” Edward chuckled as he acted friendly with Casey. He placed his hand around Casey’s shoulder much to the agent’s dislike, and suddenly changed his demeanor.

“Are you here by General Beckman’s order?”

Casey was startled and created a distance from Edward instantly, only to notice that he had been shot by 3 tranquilizer darts. (This is something normal in the show).

Casey became loopy, and he fell to the floor, unconscious.

“Edward. There’s some spies inside your house–” Jacob was searching for Edward at the time, and saw the scene.

“You hold his head, I’ll hold his leg.” Edward ordered Jacob before they picked up Agent Casey’s body and dragged him into his bedroom.

Jacob made a mistake and banged the agent’s head on the doorframe. “Oof–”

“Never mind. It’s not your head.” Edward joked.

“Should I get some duct tapes?” Jacob asked as they placed Agent Casey on a chair.

“No. He can break right through it.” Edward replied. “We need chains.”

Jacob looked at Edward with disbelief, “Do you have…chains?”

“For Friday night. Yeah.” Edward replied jokingly. “Keep this a secret alright? I still need to catch the other one.”

“You got it Bro. Do you want my help with that?” 

“It’s fine. Go enjoy the party.” Edward shooed him away.

-Flashback ends-

“Tell me!” Elsa demanded.

“No!” Jacob stood his ground.

“Tell me, or there will be no making out again until next year.” Elsa gave an ultimatum.

“I can wait 2 months.” Jacob replied casually, which made Elsa roll her eyes. Their conversation was caught by a high school cheerleader dancing nearby. The blonde girl with the fake valley girl voice– the fried vocals, grabbed Jacob’s hand and said, “I will make out with you if your girlfriend doesn't want to.”

“BITCH!” Elsa grabbed the girl’s hair immediately and pulled it, hard, creating chaos on the party floor.

“GIRL FIGHT! Take off your clothes!” Abraham shouted excitedly as he cheered the girls on.

In front of the house, Chuck, wearing his BuyMore nerd herd uniform, staggered nervously as he walked to the front gate. The guard in front of the gate took one look at him before saying, "You can't get in without an invitation. Go stand with those guys."

He pointed at the crowd of paparazzi, arrested drug dealers who tried to get into the party, and teenagers from different schools.

"Wait. I did get an invitation. Edward asked me to get in there himself," Chuck replied nervously.

"Dude, stop embarrassing yourself," the guard said mockingly.

"I'm not. I'm really not making things up," Chuck said helplessly. The guard took another look at him and said, "Alright then. Name?"

"Chuck. Chuck Bartowski. It's B.A.R.T.O—"

"I get it," the guard said annoyedly. Then, he was surprised when Chuck's name and face were registered within the tablet he used to check on the guests.

"Oh, sorry for the hassle. You just look much older than the others in there. It's like a dad wanted to party with the children."

"I'm...26..." Chuck replied helplessly, his face looking as if he wanted to cry.

“Still much older though.” The guard replied casually. Chuck laughed dryly before entering the house. He was being careful as he entered, thinking that Edward had set up a trap for him. However, he soon heard Edward calling his name in a friendly manner, subverting his expectation.

Standing at the frozen yogurt machine, Edward waved his hand, “Chuck. Over here~”

“What?” Chuck exclaimed with puzzlement and disbelief. He walked towards Edward carefully, and Edward gave him a cup of frozen yogurt. “Here. Take one.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to react. Cause in that video, it seems like you’re going to kill everyone I love, and now we’re eating frozen yogurt together?” Chuck asked with confusion.

Edward rolled his eyes and said, “If I didn’t give you any type of sense of impending crisis, you wouldn’t even dare to get inside.” 

Chuck thought about it and replied, “That’s true…So, We’re not in trouble?”

“Oh, you are in trouble. I don’t take it very well when I know there’s people wanting to steal my stuff.” Edward said casually as he poured some chocolate on top of his frozen yogurt. “Want some.” He offered it to Chuck.

“...” Chuck was speechless, but he forced a response, “No.”

“Too bad. Also, their tranq will wear off in a half an hour, so we will talk about it later.” Edward replied. “Before that. Melody, Can you come here?!”

Melody was a blonde, midwestern college girl who came together with Maggie. She has a light curl on her hair, a dark purple eyeshadow on her eyelid, and was wearing only a bikini. A wet bikini too as she had just gotten out of the pool.

Maggie walked together with Melody as they approached Edward.

Edward looked confused and asked Maggie, who didn’t realize it at first. He asked, "Why did you come too?"

"Huh— Oh, right. By the way, do you really need to point that out!? It won't kill you to let it go!" Maggie complained, her face blushing with embarrassment. She grumbled and walked away.

Melody greeted Edward cheerfully, "What do you want, cutie?"

"See here. This 'something-crawled-up-on-my-head-and-died' hairstyle?" Edward pointed at Chuck's hair. Chuck was baffled, but Edward continued his barrage of insults.

"The 'rejected-John-Krasinski-from-The-Office'."

"I don't know if that's a 'wig-or-his-true-hair'."

"Only 'my-grandmother-calls-me-handsome-hair'."

Melody joined in, "The 'I-can't-decide-to-be-a-creep-or-a-nerd' hair."

“You too?” Chuck looked at Melody with disbelief. “I get it. Can you stop talking about my hair now?” Chuck pleaded nervously.

“So you want me to do something to his hair?” Melody asked.

Edward nodded, “Yeah…I just can’t look at it anymore. And since you work part time in a salon…”

“Hey! Don’t I have a say in this?” Chuck asked Edward.

Edward looked at him and said, “Do you want your friends back.”

Chuck’s face fell flat, and Melody giggled before saying, “Yeah. I think I can do something about it.”

“Great. I have the kit in my toilet.” Edward replied.

Chuck sighed, but he felt if he could talk to Melody alone, he might be able to save his haircut. 

But his hope and dreams were squashed when Edward suddenly turned to the crowd and said, “Hey everyone! Melody is going to give Chuck here a haircut and a makeover! She’s the fairy godmother, and she will make sure Chuck gets to the balls before Midnight!”

The crowd cheered in excitement, and Chuck really wanted to cry now. Edward looked at him and said, “ Melody knows what she’s doing…I hope. She won’t damage the Intersect inside your head, so don’t worry about it.”

The Intersect was all of the CIA and NSA secrets that were uploaded into Chuck’s brain by his spy friend, turning him into a living computer. It was destroying his brain slowly, but Chuck has no way of knowing about that yet.

Chuck widened his eyes and was alarmed. “You’re after the Intersect too?”

Edward rolled his eyes and said, “Why would I want that hot potato? I have enough trouble on my own.”

Chuck looked at Edward pitifully, “Can I not do it. Please?”

“Sure, you can get out if you don’t want to do it.”

“FINE!” Chuck exclaimed helplessly.

Suddenly, Chuck had to sit down in the middle of the living room with Melody cutting his hair, while there was a crowd of teenagers encircling them, cheering Chuck on everytime Melody made a cut.

Ugly crying, Chuck begged Melody, “Please be careful with my hair.”

Maggie was munching something as she watched the hair cut. She muttered to Vanessa, “I wonder what he did to piss Edward off.”

“Piss off? I think he’s helping him. His hairstyle before really creeps me out.” Vanessa said within audible distance for Chuck. He sobbed a bit, but held back his tears.

“So Chuck. What do you do?” Melody asked him, trying to create small talk while they were in session.

Chuck replied awkwardly, “I’m the head of the Nerd Herd in a BuyMore at Burbank.”

“Oh.” Melody was visibly disappointed, and so was everyone else. Suddenly, Edward grabbed the microphone from David Henrie who was still karaoking.

“He lies. Chuck is actually a spy. A pretty great one too.”

“WHAT?!” Agent Smith, the other agents around, and even Chuck was shocked to their core after hearing what Edward said.

Edward continued to reveal some information, “In his first mission, he stopped a bomb from exploding by downloading a virus into the laptop used for countdown. Now, where did he get the virus from, that’s a secret. But Abraham’s laptop was destroyed because of the same virus too.”

Abraham thought for a bit before getting to a realization, “Ahh. So you have the same taste as I do.”

“Edward. Please stop talking! I’m not a spy!” Chuck said.

Edward got the hint and said, “Guys. I made a mistake. Chuck is not a spy. Wink Wink.”

“Did he just say Wink Wink?” Alex muttered with disbelief. The entire crowd laughed, and Chuck felt so pressured that he wanted to stand up, but Melody pushed him back down on the chair. She held the scissor right at his face and threatened, “You’re not going anyway until I finished my work. Got that Mr Spy?!”

“All of this mustn't be happening. This must all be a weird Halloween dream. A Horror dream for Halloween. Yeah, that must be it.” Chuck tried to brainwash himself.

Agent Smith called his agents and said, “Get that man out of the crowd. I wanted to see where this is going, but this is just pitiful.”

Edward suddenly said to the microphone again, “Ah, Agent Smith, you guys must’ve seen him standing by the stairs, with his bald head and dark sunglasses…He’s a spy too. And he let this spy in, and didn’t do anything. So for that, Agent Smith, you guys are out of my house.”

“I’m balding. Not bald.” Agent Smith retorted. Paige asked nervously, “What should we do sir? It seemed that he’s really angry at us.”

“I’ll…talk to him and explain our side.” Agent Smith said with some dilemma. However, before he could get close to Edward, Jacob and Enid stopped his path.

“Whoa-Whoa-Whoa, didn’t you hear that Edward told you guys to get out?” Jacob growled at the FBI agent.

“Yeah. Get out.” Enid said before she led a chant, “Get… Out… Get… Out… Get… Out…”

A few teenagers also joined in, and they circled the agents while chanting for  them to get out.

“Shit–” Paige tried to take out her gun, but Smith stopped him. “Idiot. You want to make the problem bigger?” 

Suddenly, the hostile situation paused abruptly because the crowd heard a song playing from the stage. Edward was standing on the stage alone, and he had an electric guitar with him.

“Sorry Agent Smith. But I experienced a rare moment of freedom just this evening when I went trick or treating without you guys watching me. And guess what? I like that feeling. And I wanted more of them. So Sayonara~”

Edward punched in a song number at the karaoke machine, and Robin assisted him with the song. 

[My Chemical Romance - Teenagers]

♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪

“♫♪They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books

To make a citizen out of you♫♪”

As he was singing the popular song that was released a year ago, the crowd became increasingly excited, which spelled doom for the agents around.

Edward pointed at the Agent, “♫♪Because they sleep with a gun and keep an eye on you, son!

So they can watch all the things you do♫♪”

“Shit.” Agent Smith cursed. He couldn’t get past the teenagers blockade, and was feeling helpless.

Edward continued, “♫♪Because the drugs never work, they're gonna give you a smirk,'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean♫♪”

“♫♪They're gonna rip up your heads, your aspirations to shreds

Another cog in the murder machine♫♪”

As soon as the chorus started, the teenagers began to push the agents out of the house.

“Wait–” Smith tried to explain, but no one wanted to listen.

Edward ignored everything that was happening and sang, “♫♪They said, "All– Teenagers scare the living shit out of me♫♪”

“♫♪They could care less as long as someone'll bleed"♫♪”

“♫♪So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose! Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me♫♪”

The crowd cheered thunderously after the chorus. Chuck tried to get away again, but this time, there were more than 10 hands pushing him down on the chair.

Edward continued singing, “♫♪The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick–You're never gonna fit in much, kid♫♪”

At the pool, a skinny boy who was always picked on at school, suddenly took off his shirt, revealing his bony body, and jumped into the pool while everyone cheered.

“♫♪But if you're troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt

Will make them pay for the things that they did♫♪”

“Boobs?” Billie asked in confusion. Alex was confused too, so she turned to Finneas. However, he was also confused. Jenna saw everything and sigh helplessly, “Guns maybe? The song’s about school pressure, so maybe it was mentioning school shootings by troubled kids.”

The trio looked at Jenna with shock. Finneas asked, “Wait. You…are smart?”

Jenna was furious and smacked him at the back of his head.

Edward continued as the party became more heated. “♫♪They said, "All– Teenagers scare the living shit out of me♫♪”

“♫♪They could care less as long as someone'll bleed♫♪”

“♫♪So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose

Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me, oh, yeah♫♪”

He kneeled on the floor as he did the guitar solo himself. While the guitar was rocking the entire party, the agents were finally being ushered out of the house.

“♫♪They said, "All teenagers scare the living shit out of me

They could care less as long as someone'll bleed ♫♪”

Kyle finally met his girlfriend, and asked her confrontingly. “You keep disappearing during a party. Are you cheating on me?”

His girlfriend however shook her head and took out some blunt from her inner pocket, “No. I just went ahead to smoke this.”

“♫♪So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose

Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me♫♪”

Edward shouted to the crowd, “All together now!” as they repeated the chorus.

Everyone sang together, “♫♪Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

They could care less as long as someone'll bleed♫♪”

The student council president, Amanda Cho, and another couple of girls rushed the stage and danced seductively beside Edward as he performed.

“♫♪So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose

Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me♫♪”

Edward screamed horrifyingly with extreme vocals before flopping to the ground.

“♫♪Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

They could care less as long as someone'll bleed♫♪”

Skylar Samuel rushed the stage and kissed Edward on the lip.

“♫♪So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose

Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me♫♪”

The crowd cheered, and everyone rushed the stage before picking Edward up to the air. Suddenly, Edward was crowd surfing to the other half of the living room. And he stopped right in front of Chuck.

He scrutinized Chuck’s hair, but Melody got irritated and told him, “It’s not finished yet. Go play elsewhere!”

“Great. I’ll trust you…And everyone. Keep an eye on Chuck okay! So he won’t try to do anything stupid.” Edward smiled innocently–which seemed like a devilish smile to Chuck, and walked away.

“Sir, you might want to check your phone.” Robin suddenly notified Edward.

“Hmm?” Edward took out his phone from his Batman Utility belt and widened his eyes as he read what’s on the screen. “Robin, keep an eye on Chuck!” 

He then jumped off the couch and ran to the second floor, and entered a bedroom that was next to his own room.

Inside the dark room, Haley was lying down seductively on the bed. “Hello Batman. I’ve been expecting you.” She whispered before she beckoned him to come near with her finger.